AmeliePoulain Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Before me and my bf got together, we had revealed some things about our exes. Stuff I realized I shouldn't have asked because they're haunting me now lol but only one girl (his last one) is kind of bothering me. It's not a huge deal, but I tend to over-analyze. A few months before we got together, he had gone to his 10 year high school reunion and got together with a girl. They hung out for an entire month while she was back and then she went home to New York where she's been living. They had kept in touch and he noticed two weeks before he was to visit her that she had been distant and asked her if he should still come and she said 'yes'. Apparently, when he got there (supposed to stay for 10 days and planned museums, Nix tickets, etc..) that she didn't even see him and he only stayed for 18hrs before flying back home. He had found out she was already seeing someone and he waited at the hotel. He said he was glad when he came back home that nobody really gave him any crap for it. Overall, he said it was a traumatic experience and that he was embarassed. He said he feels sorry for her because she wants to upgrade and noticed that the girls he's ever dated from his school seems like they want to upgrade to something better. I told him anybody is capable of doing that. He said he missed nothing about her. I told him that when I had first heard this story of this recent girl that I saw it was a red flag because it was only a few months ago and that he was still upset over it and he wasn't indifferent to it. I know he's very happy with me and even told me last night he can't remember a time he's been more happy and that I'm really important to him, but that story kind of makes me feel sad for him. They were never in a relationship but I do remember him saying she told him 'You're just in love with the idea of being in love' although when I asked him if he said he loved her he didn't. Anyway, although it's in his past and said he never thought had a poor sense of judgment in people it still bothers me. He said he has not talked to her once since he left New York and put her on "hide" mode on Facebook so he doesn't receive her updates. Should I just get over it? I feel like I can understand how that was a traumatic experience and wasted thousands of dollars but I feel kind of jealous because he must have really liked her if was planning all of that and flying thousands of miles away.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 There's nothing wrong about him, it's one of those things people always go through- getting jilted by an ex. The fact that it's still traumatic for him says something, he needs to find a way to move on from it without bringing it into your relationship. The only thing worrying is why is he still friends with the girl on FB? Hide mode usually means he's hiding her updates but it also means she's still on his friends list. Why didn't he just block her entirely?
Author AmeliePoulain Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 Yeah I don't get why he didn't just delete her. He said he thought she would've just deleted him. I believe him when he says they don't talk, and he doesn't ever bring her up. The only reason it was brought up last night was when I asked him the last time he had cried (I had cried the day before when I put down my cat) and he said he didn't want to say because he knows we had said we wouldn't talk about our exes. I told him it was fine and that was when he said about the experience was embarassing and traumatic. Would it be weird to ask him to delete her? I feel like that would make me look insecure although I'm not sure why he hasn't already. I don't have a Facebook but I know what she looks like.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Yeah I don't get why he didn't just delete her. He said he thought she would've just deleted him. I believe him when he says they don't talk, and he doesn't ever bring her up. The only reason it was brought up last night was when I asked him the last time he had cried (I had cried the day before when I put down my cat) and he said he didn't want to say because he knows we had said we wouldn't talk about our exes. I told him it was fine and that was when he said about the experience was embarassing and traumatic. Would it be weird to ask him to delete her? I feel like that would make me look insecure although I'm not sure why he hasn't already. I don't have a Facebook but I know what she looks like. Is he known to be passive? I think when someone is jilted theres a higher possibility of them holding grudges. I know when someone rejects me my first instinct would be to delete their contacts and info. It is weird for you to ask him to delete her but I would counterargue that you do have a right as his girlfriend, to ask him. If he respects your feelings and your status as his SO, he wouldn't find deleting her unreasonable.
Author AmeliePoulain Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 When we first started dating he said 'If you want me to delete her I will. I want to make you happy' and at the time I didn't want to come across insecure so I said 'It's okay, I wouldn't ask you to do anything like that' so now I feel like I can't counteract what I said? The thing is, I know he would have no problem deleting her if I asked him to, so should I just take that as an answer even if he never gets around to doing it since it'd be weird to bring it up again or should I wait again in the future to ask him. The part that cripples me is that insecurity that I will display in asking him.
TG1 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Don't read too much into it, if he really had feelings for this other woman he would have said something to you about it, which makes me believe that he only wants to be with you and only you, so you should believe in him and have more faith in him
Negative Nancy Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Should I just get over it? No, you should dump his ass instead, he clearly isn't over her yet.
LSgirl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I'm assuming Negative Nancy is a troll account as I would never break up with him over that. I just wanted to find a way to not dwell on it. I do think he wants to only be with me as he shows with his actions and words. He definitely makes me a priority in his life so I should just get over this and I will. Thank you guys for your responses 1
TG1 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I'm assuming Negative Nancy is a troll account as I would never break up with him over that. I just wanted to find a way to not dwell on it. I do think he wants to only be with me as he shows with his actions and words. He definitely makes me a priority in his life so I should just get over this and I will. Thank you guys for your responses You welcome
darkmoon Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 jus say "please can you block insertname on facebook?" it's only a small thing, you said it was ok so you say "now it's not as okay as I thought" this guy is your boyfreind ffs he should just click her away, give him the chance to
ja123 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 It's possible that he hasn't deleted her, but it could be for several reasons (like he doesn't want to show her that he'd been hurt): only he knows the answer. You'd need to ask him his reasoning.
LSgirl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I'm sure he hasn't deleted her as she's just hid from his updates. The thing is, I feel like if I feel confident about our relationship, why should I feel the need to make him delete her? I know that they don't talk. It could be like someone said that he didn't want to show he was hurt at the time. I really don't know but if I feel like if I were to ask I would look insecure. If I had a Facebook account, I wonder what I would think if he asked me to delete my ex.
darkmoon Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 "I had a Facebook account, I wonder what I would think if he asked me to delete my ex" why would you want to keep an ex in your life?
Minka333 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 The most important thing is he is with you. He even said he is happy with you. You love each other. If he wanted her still, he would pursue her no matter what. But he met you, and whatever trauma/embarrassment he went through was wiped out coz' you gave him a new reason to smile. Do not let small things like this dampen your relationship as it won't do any good...it will only eat you inside and leave you paranoid. Instead, think of the good stuff you have right now.
TG1 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 The most important thing is he is with you. He even said he is happy with you. You love each other. If he wanted her still, he would pursue her no matter what. But he met you, and whatever trauma/embarrassment he went through was wiped out coz' you gave him a new reason to smile. Do not let small things like this dampen your relationship as it won't do any good...it will only eat you inside and leave you paranoid. Instead, think of the good stuff you have right now. Exactly put, well-said
venusianx13 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I have a different view on the facebook thing. I feel that if someone is truly indifferent, they'd not bother to hastily delete an ex. I have exes who are my friends on facebook... I am indifferent to them. I'd say a person is more apt to have unfriended someone who they were hurting over, rather than to just unsubscribe from their feeds but keep them in their friends list. My last ex of 5 years really hurt me, and I deleted him immediately. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have bothered. If you know your boyfriend doesn't talk to this girl anymore, then I wouldn't worry.
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