Lost the love of my life.. Have changed my ways, and still dream about her everynight

[TDWPcheeze]

Hello . I am writing here today because I am genuinely curious to see if other folks here believe I have another shot with my girl.

I am 18 years old and she is 16 (junior in highschool). We met when I was a senior, and we connected very quickly. From day one I was amazed by her, and the one problem at first was that she was friends with a previous ex of mine. That previous ex didn't want her to talk to me, so she didn't, and we had to spend 8 months apart. Throughout the entire 8 months I thought about her constantly, I had dreams about her, I wrote letters about her, and I really started liking her.

I believe that during these 8 months apart we grew extremely fond of eachother, (want what you cant have). Eventually she told her friend that she really wanted to be with me, and her friend said it was fine. Best news ever. We dated strong for a year and a half, and I made one mistake that I will regret forever. I dumped her this past summer in the heat of a fight (which we rarely had), and I immediately regretted it. Luckily, I got her back, and I told her how much of a mistake I had made. I know for a fact that we 100% loved eachother, and I still do love her dearly. We were both eachother's first true love. However, right before I left for college, we both agreed that we would cut down on getting high, and I told her I did not smoke, when I actually did. She found out and she lost her trust in me. I really don't blame her, seeing as I had dumped her 3 weeks prior, and then made a stupid lie after getting her back. Right before I actually left for college she told me it doesn't feel the same anymore, but the night before I left she kissed me and said she will miss me and that she loves me. Since then, we have not talked much. I have found that this time apart has made me love her more than ever, and since, I have quit smoking completely, I have been working out every single day, I have been keeping up with my school work, and I really do believe I am a changed man. I'm sorry for the length here, but do any of you guys think that she will come back? I have been giving her space, and the last time we spoke, I told her how grateful I am for all the help she provided me, that I know she will go far, and that I really do hope for the best for her. I also told her that when I broke up with her over the summer I made the worst mistake of my life. I'm not sure where we stand right now.

Edited September 26, 2012 by TDWPcheeze

[TDWPcheeze]

anyone? :/

[Gulf-Delta]

Space and time, man.

 

The younger you are, the worse it is, IMO. In high-school age relationships, there's SO MUCH happening. Meeting new people, finding who you are, discovering your career.

 

You need to give her as much space as you can, and just do you. IF (and that's IF) she decides she wants to work on stuff with you, it has to be her choice. There is nothing you can do to change her mind or perception of you.

 

You're young, this is your chance to focus on YOU and college and your career. If you focus, and become successful, you will be the MAN that women want, be it your ex, or someone else.

 

Young relationships are easy because there's no responsibility. No bills, no kids, you can be with each other 100% of the time. This is not an adult relationship. As you transition into being a man, priorities and what females will want will change. Thing is, the girls are changing as well, just like you are.

 

Focus on you to become attractive to WOMEN, not girls. Get stable, do college, find a career, save up money, get your own place...this will attract ADULT females. Whether or not your ex will be one of those...no one can tell you if she will or won't.

 

I'm not saying you can't date and have your fun and all that. But now is the time to prioritize and get your life in order, so you can be ready and be the man that your future wife (whomever it is) will want.

 

I know it's hard, man. I'm not as young, but my ex left me too. It's rough, it sucks and I miss her every minute. But I also realize I need to build a life for ME. Get stable. Find a better job and better place to live...and if my ex ever does come back, I'll be that much more ready for the relationship...

[TDWPcheeze]

I appreciate your response. I want you to know though, that this wasn't like the usual bull **** highschool relationships you always hear about. We were extremely close, I truly, with my entire heart, love her. We had great times, and I know she won't ever forget the good times. I am giving her the space, I haven't tried contacting her since I told her I wish her the best. I do feel I did the best I could, I told her she deserves the world, and that she will do great things, and that I shouldn't have ever broken up with her. She seems to be experiencing the GIGS symptoms (partying, drinking more, smoking more, etc). This still does not change my feelings for her, I wish so badly to be there to help guide her, and I know she gets really depressed in the winter. All I want is to help her out this winter, and be back with her. Do you think at some point I should call her and tell her how I really feel? Or simply wait it out until I hear from her

[TDWPcheeze]

Also I should add that when I post pictures on "Instagram" the iphone app, she likes them. As in she literally hits the "like" button . I'm not so sure why, as she dumped me

[VeronicaRose]

The relationships we have in our teens and early 20s are emotionally the most intense and create a huge impression that last our whole lives. No surprise you're feeling this way. Most of us have 'the one that got away' from that age but rarely had the skills to make it work out. Part of being human really.

 

Good for you for pulling yourself together. However when you lose someone's trust, nothing but a lot of time will prove you're really different and that your mistakes were youthful lunacy (we've all done really dumb things as kids) instead of habits you'll justify over and over again. Really you haven't been tested yet and you aren't really sure how much you've changed -- until you are once more involved with someone and act differently than you did in the past.

 

The advice above is solid. You need to focus on becoming a man now. The pain you feel now is motivation to become the man a woman like her would keep in her life.

 

What you did had a big effect on her, you have to think about this from her point of view -- you hurt her terribly. You should be proud of her for having such good boundaries.

 

You will meet someone else or maybe even she will naturally come back into your life but right now focus on becoming the man that will keep the woman he loves.