coffeeloverx Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I need some advice. My ex and I were NC for about 3 or so months. I was going through some of my stuff recently and found a few things of his that I wanted to give back, so I texted him asking if he wanted me to drop them off or something, I suggested he come and get them, since they were his items and not my responsibility. He made some comment and I told him he was being immature. This was the first contact we've had in 3 months. He said he'd meet me at a coffee shop so I could drop them off. I agreed. Mistake #1. So, I got there, and we ended up just talking about stuff, got coffee, sat down and talked for a while. I told him exactly how I felt and how he made me feel. We then just talked about life, and things of that nature. We did eventually just go sit in his car since the shop closed. Well, then we talked about us a bit, and he said 2 things that struck me as confusing. 1) "I think we could make it work. I don't think it's for the best though." and "I think we could try to make it work in a couple of years." 2) After we had been kissing and cuddling (mistake #2 on my part.) "I don't think anything's changed." I'm so confused. What does that even mean? Things have changed, you've broken NC after 3 months, I was just planning on dropping his stuff off. I know I shouldn't have met him, I know I shouldn't have kissed him. I was doing just fine. What do I do? Do I just let it go and keep moving on? Do I ask for clairifcation? What? I feel extremely dumb now.
leoc1973 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Sounds like he's trying to keep you hanging and was trying to see how you reacted about the thought of waiting around for him while he goes and plays around with other women. There is something about the idea of losing someone forever that messes with our minds. He may be having trouble coming to terms with you guys being over forever so we always seem to leave doors open a crack. My ex did the same thing with me. She told me that she thinks we will end up together in the end but we can't be right now. She said wouldn't it be great that if in a year and a half or 2 years we "found" each other again. This kept me hanging on for about another year till she ended up moving in with her new boyfriend 500 miles away from me. It will destroy you mentally so you have to put it in your head that its over and move on. If down the road he comes back try to already have someone new so you have the strength to tell him to F off! Don't over analyze this please! Just take it as it is. He is trying to keep you hanging while he looks for someone better. The hardest and best lesson I have learned in the past year or so since ive been single is never be someones plan B.
Calico Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 The comment about "making it work in a couple years" either means that he's sentimental or that he hasn't found a replacement yet (or has second thoughts, if he has found someone). There is nothing else to it. It does NOT mean you should wait for him! It's glue. Don't get stuck. And after you kissed (!!) and cuddled (!) him and thus pretty much showed him that you're in stand-by mode and that even after months of no contact he can get you back without zero effort, he of course said "I don't think anything has changed." (Or did he mean that it's the same as before the breakup? In that case, he probably wants sex.) Go back to NC and work on getting back to the place where you were before you nibbled on the poisoned breadcrumbs. It'll take a while, but you can do it. Remember that he said, "I don't think it's for the best though." This is not what a man in love would say, and it's not something someone who wants to be with you would say. Especially not after meeting with you for the first time after months. At least he got his stuff back now and you have no reason for future contact.
geegirl Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 2) After we had been kissing and cuddling (mistake #2 on my part.) "I don't think anything's changed." Do I ask for clairifcation? What? I feel extremely dumb now. There is no need to clarify. You have your answer. As soon as he knew his standing with you, in that you showed him that you're still in the palm of his hand, he turned the tables around. Mixed signals are mind games. It is done to keep the dumper in limbo. It's working. "I don't think anything has changed." When a man tells you what you don't want to hear, LISTEN. We women have a way of trying to find other meaning to something that's point blank, clear as daylight, in your face, nothing but the truth.
Gulf-Delta Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Ask him point blank "Do you want to be with me and try again, or not?" If he says yes, then great, you can work on that together. Anything other than a yes is "Okay, then there's no reason to talk" 1
lukas Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Ask him point blank "Do you want to be with me and try again, or not?" If he says yes, then great, you can work on that together. Anything other than a yes is "Okay, then there's no reason to talk" I second that
geegirl Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 (edited) Anything other than a yes is "Okay, then there's no reason to talk" But didn't he already leave out the "yes" in the whole conversation? He pretty much said a lot of nothing and no "yes". What is there to clarify? Even after kissing her, he still didn't muster a yes or even a little maybe. Still need to ask? Edited September 26, 2012 by geegirl
Gulf-Delta Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 But didn't he already leave out the "yes" in the whole conversation? He pretty much said a lot of nothing and no "yes". What is there to clarify? Even after kissing her, he still didn't muster a yes or even a little maybe. Still need to ask? I agree, but the OP seems confused. So she needs to just come out and ask and get his direct answer.
Author coffeeloverx Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 I am confused guys, that's why I asked. I'm thinking of just leaving it and moving on. If he comes back, great. If he doesn't, well, that's great also. I just don't know what to do.
lil hoodlum Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I agree your ex is giving you mixed signals and that is what you are finding everything confusing. Listen as a guy, if you were my exgirlfriend and I was in the position your ex was in with you at the coffee shop, I would have made it known and clear that I still have strong feelings for you and would like to have a second chance. I am saying that because I would love to have a second chance with my ExGF. I wouldn't be pussyfooting around with the issue I would make my intentions known to you. There is a reason your ex is giving you mixed signals, he doesn't know what he wants or he is unwilling to be honest with you about his intentions. I think he "understands" that you are still into him. If he wants to try again with you he will make it clear to you. The ball is now in his court. You should just back away and see if he responds to you.
Author coffeeloverx Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Alright, so the ball is in his court. Great. what do I do? Do I sit around and wait? Do I move on? Do I just leave it be and if he does call, he calls? Ugh. Stupid boys.
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