he asked me to a concert

[sad puppy]

So, ... after going NC (he has been physically separated since SEP last year) on Jan 1 of this year, remaining in NC until June, when he broke it, and I responded, we communicated a few times, then NC until I sent a text last weekend.

 

The text was a photo which pertained to a subject regarding his son. So, he emailed me back and asked if I wanted to go to a concert with him this week. It's a concert by the musician where we found common ground and started talking initially, and then we went to this concert last year, where he had his "epiphany" that he was going to leave his wife. A LOT tied to this particular musician for us regarding our relationship.

 

Anyway, I already had two tickets to this show (primo seats I might add), and had asked a girlfriend. Of course, all these months I thought of wanting to go with him (wistfully, not actually). So, the cool thing is I responded that "no, I actually was already going", ...

 

Nice. Let him wonder if I'm going with a man. Haha.

 

He's yet to be officially divorced, but I'm pretty sure it's coming soon. So, tomorrow night is the big show. At a huge arena so smallish chance I will see him. Plus, once we get to our seats, much less of a chance because I have killer seats & he was getting tickets at the last minute, if he even ends up going.

 

So, I DO NOT want to see him/talk to him, so I will be on red alert when we get there. Just do not want to run into him.

 

Just wanted to give an update. I am reaffirming my resolve as to not wanting to get involved with him again. Obviously, I would never see him unless he was DIVORCED, officially. And even after that, I am pretty sure I don't want anything to do with him again.

 

But, ... it sure feels good to have told him, yeah, I'm already going to the show, no, not taking you up on your offer. Frankly, I was a little stunned he had asked me to go after all the drama, pain, confusion, BS, ...

 

 

Not sure why I'm posting, maybe to let you know that the tables can turn and to also acknowledge my slight weakness here, but my affirmation that I have moved on & do not want anything to do with him.

 

Feel free to chime in & remind me about why I had decided (on New Year's Day definitely) to never mix it up with him again as I would never be able to trust him, that he's a weasel. Remind me! Thanks!!

[LoveTKO]

Stay put and adhere to the NC rule. If you give in and attend the concert with him, you'll probably end up letting your guard down because of the setting and excitement; before you know it you'll be back at square one. Don't do it.

 

Now, if he has tickets to see "Sergio" the sexy sax man, then I would understand that you can't turn the offer down:

[DBella]

Nice! That feeling after you walk away from something that you know is not gonna be good for you is gratifying to say the least. It leaves you with a smile on your face and feeling like you are the one in control of your destiny.

 

You know your worth and that's why you are doing the right thing for yourself. Can't sacrifice your own well-being and happiness to accommodate somebody who doesn't deserve it.

 

Way to go!

[ThatJustHappened]

Good for you!

 

Not til he shows you the divorce papers.

[sad puppy]

Nice! That feeling after you walk away from something that you know is not gonna be good for you is gratifying to say the least. It leaves you with a smile on your face and feeling like you are the one in control of your destiny.

 

You know your worth and that's why you are doing the right thing for yourself. Can't sacrifice your own well-being and happiness to accommodate somebody who doesn't deserve it.

 

Way to go!

 

Thanks for this! Yes, it does give me a feeling of being in control of my destiny, nicely put.

[sad puppy]

Why don't you block him so you're not tempted to break NC again?

 

Because its not necessary for me. Not any more. Hard, cold NC worked for me when I just KNEW I had had enough, once and for all. That lasted six months till he emailed, I simmered for a week, and then sent him a scathing email, which I think surprised the heck out of him. He called, which I never responded to, and I felt bad for that, actually, as we always had an unspoken rule that we'd return each other's calls, which he then pointed out.

 

We did text a little back and forth after I sent him the photo, regarding an important topic about his son, who's in therapy.

 

I don't "hate his guts", but am disappointed in him as a man, as a person. I don't see how he could ever be the man I need in my life, with the characteristics I value such as trust, respect, courage, ...

 

And quite frankly, I feel smug that he asked me to the concert. Lets me know what's up. But he's so clueless, he's not officially divorced and that says to me that he still doesn't get it, still can't comprehend what it means to handle his life properly. Oy.

 

Yes, when you can walk away, keeping your goals in sight, knowing you want and need a different man in the long run, it does feel good. To be able to say no to all the crap from that relationship. To keep moving forward, ... I don't "need" NC, blocking, or any thing like that anymore.

 

Still do not want to run into him tomorrow night, just do not.

[sad puppy]

You are on your way to indifference. This is good.

 

Yes! Yes, this is it, thank you for pointing that out!

[ThatJustHappened]

You are on your way to indifference. This is good.

 

It won't let me like this so I have to say it manually. Like!

[frenchdoll]

Because its not necessary for me. Not any more. Hard, cold NC worked for me when I just KNEW I had had enough, once and for all. That lasted six months till he emailed, I simmered for a week, and then sent him a scathing email, which I think surprised the heck out of him. He called, which I never responded to, and I felt bad for that, actually, as we always had an unspoken rule that we'd return each other's calls, which he then pointed out.

 

We did text a little back and forth after I sent him the photo, regarding an important topic about his son, who's in therapy.

 

I don't "hate his guts", but am disappointed in him as a man, as a person. I don't see how he could ever be the man I need in my life, with the characteristics I value such as trust, respect, courage, ...

 

And quite frankly, I feel smug that he asked me to the concert. Lets me know what's up. But he's so clueless, he's not officially divorced and that says to me that he still doesn't get it, still can't comprehend what it means to handle his life properly. Oy.

 

Yes, when you can walk away, keeping your goals in sight, knowing you want and need a different man in the long run, it does feel good. To be able to say no to all the crap from that relationship. To keep moving forward, ... I don't "need" NC, blocking, or any thing like that anymore.

 

Still do not want to run into him tomorrow night, just do not.

 

Hi sadpuppy, your post made me smile - enjoy the smug feeling I will live vicariously through you lol

It seems like you have a good perspective on your situation. Please enjoy your show and have a good time, don't think about the off chance that you may meet him. He may not even go to the concert now that you have turned him down...

[whichwayisup]

The chances of you running into him are slim to none. Most of all, don't go 'looking' for him while you're there, or look over your shoulder.

 

Have fun and put him out of your head!

[sad puppy]

So, didn't see him at concert. Good. However, when I was posting photos to fb from phone at concert, some texts came in from him. Yes, he went, and was texting me during "our" song. Sorta sweet, I responded once and then didn't reply to the rest.

 

Texting started up again today, finally, he said "I miss you". Many texts later he asked me to dinner tonite. I declined. Wow, just wow. Haven't seen him in 10 months.

 

My plan is to tell him I cannot ever consider seeing him until he is officially divorced. Inside of me, though, I don't feel I want to reopen this situation, relationship. I wonder what's holding up the divorce? Seriously, I'm curious. Gotta be the money, I bet.

 

I must admit, I am liking turning him down - once for the concert, and tonite for dinner. Now he can feel like crap. Or wonder who I went to the show with or who I may have plans with tonite. Haha.

 

Just wanted to give an update on the situation. Frankly, I'm perplexed he would invite me anywhere before had official divorce. After all the drama, chaos, confusion, hurt feelings, angry words.

 

Maybe I'll see in 2013 sometime. Maybe. Maybe not.

[Barrsitter]

SP...great to see the progress you have made here! Well done!!!!

 

I too have secretly wanted my xmm to contact me and beg me to re-start so that I could ignore his messages which is what he did to me at the end. But who knows what he is thinking. In the end, I hold my position and don't contact him..

 

The best way to get over a lost love, is to live well and forgive him and yourself. Then resolve NEVER to get involved again with a mm.

 

Keep going SP!!!!

[sad puppy]

Thank you Barr, your supportive and encouraging words mean a lot. I'm very serious, I would not see him unless he was divorced. It's been one year for the physical separation, so I wonder what the hold up is? Who cares?

 

Nice to hear from you. I've ramped up my yoga classes, quit smoking - one month tomorrow and joined a gym. My takeaway was how can I use the pain of the affair as fuel to recreate my life. So, I decided to make some positive changes and see where that gets me, haha.

 

Change your mind, change your energy, change your life.

[Barrsitter]

SP....and speaking of changes...why not change your online name here to....Happy Puppy?