redonkulas Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Hello all. I would really like some help on this one. Out the blue an ex that I am still very much in love with texted me and said she is coming my city (half way across the country) and that she would like to visit. I asked her why she is visiting and she said "for fun" and to "shoot guns with a friend." This is totally weird because I never knew she liked guns in the first place and who travels 2,000 miles to shoot guns for the weekend in a random city, that your ex just happens to live in? I don't want to look into this nor let it affect me too much, but it makes me dizzy with happiness to think she might actually be traveling to my city to visit me, and the gun part is just some lame excuse. Some background FYI. We were never in a serious committed relationship but dated on and off for about 2 years... about a year and a half ago. We both had some serious trust issues from traumatic past life and relationship experiences. Additionally, we had both slept with mutual acquaintances in and out of dating, which I think neither of us were ever able to quite get over. She ended things for a final time on Valentines Day (of all days) after spending the holiday weekend together on a vaca and opening up about some of our past relationship baggage. Long story short she found out that I had slept with an ex after she (the ex) had gotten married. This was before I even knew her and to be fair it only happened one time and I was lied to about her marriage status. Basically this was the final straw and she could not see herself trusting me in a relationship because of this. I respected this, but it tore me up and made me love her even more. Throughout our time together I was never able to man up and tell her how much I loved her. It is a regret I live with every day. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever laid eyes on and she could have any man she wanted. I think in her heart she knows I am genuine and different (in a good way) than most men she has known and the thought of what could of been between us plays on both of us. As much as I think we both wanted to, we were never able to give our relationship a true shot as we were both just too scarred and scared. I think that it is sometimes harder wondering about a relationship that did not really get a chance to develop then getting over a relationship that just did not work out. Anyways the last time we really spoke relationship wise (about a year ago) I asked her if she was 100% sure that we would never be together and she said yes. We haven't really kept in touch since then, besides a few "hello" and "how are you" texts that she initiated. Anyways back to the original subject. Why do you think she might be visiting? ...And what should my approach be? Sorry for the novel. Thanks much. P.S. While this post may make it seem like I am a dirtbag, I am not. Ive made some mistakes that I regret but I really do love this girl. Ive never cheated on her nor anyone else and never will.
Mcnulty Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 You've both got issues from your past, you've said that. This was a toxic rel. It was never going to end great was it? The tit for tat sleeping with other people in between breaks scars people, that simple, no matter how much they love one another it'll always be there in the whole picture of your rel from start to finish. She wants to meet. I'd tell her no chance. It is toxic mate, realize it and do not meet up with her. You have to build a new life and stop looking back over your shoulder to have any chance of finding future happiness, either with yourself or a new partner. 1
Recommended Posts