Anonymous1338 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 This girl and I have a past. Mutual crush > Miscommunication > Crush falls through > She hates me > I try and salvage things WAYYY to late and get rejected > we get along again afterwards and get really close > Her feelings are obviously back but I put off confronting her until the fall (we go to a dorming college) > Now I don't know if she still likes me. I 60% think she does. It's hard to tell anymore because I've been hiding my feelings from her for now and I think she's doing the same. But anyways. I'm tired of putting it off. I'm scared of rejection. But I know stalling will just end with me being hurt because I let her get away. Only happy option for me is me making a move and hoping her feelings are there this time. But I really don't know what to do. My objective? Make it clear between us that there is something there and that I want us to be together. The reason our crush fell through the first time is because I let her know how I felt, and I guess she thought I knew how she felt already (which I guess I should have inferred) so I didn't treat her any differently as a friend and I guess she was confused and hurt because of it. So what do I do? We have plenty of classes together and always sit together and whatever other random friend is also with us in that class. We don't have any free time at the same time anytime during the day besides walking to our 2nd class together (which only happens sometimes, sometimes walk with other friends) Well do we have an hour before one of our classes that I think we both have free but I'm not sure. Fridays we end at the same time and can walk back to our university apartments together though we haven't done so yet since I just realized this last Friday. So how do I do this? I don't want to screw up again. This is the first girl I actually feel strongly about (though she isn't even my first girlfriend and SHE asked me out) I don't know what to say. When to say it since I never seem to have her to myself anymore. What to ask? It doesn't help that every time I play out the scenario, it turns out she got over me again and rejects me and I feel like a fool that missed a golden opportunity due to stalling/stupidity again. If you can't tell. Ive been stressing over this and I REALLY don't want to make a mess of this.
SJC2008 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 By going out side and screaming your user name at the top of your lungs at 7AM. 1
Author Anonymous1338 Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 I could really just use some serious advice...
Pyro Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I could really just use some serious advice... at this point you have nothing to lose by just telling her how you feel. 1
utterer of lies Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I could really just use some serious advice... Ask her out. 1
LittlePrince Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Ask her out. There you go. There is some serious advice.
Author Anonymous1338 Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 at this point you have nothing to lose by just telling her how you feel. Ask her out. Is that the same thing? I'm not sure when to do it I seeing how busy we are during the day. The last 2 times I asked her to lunch but I rather not do it a third time. Someone told me I should never just say how I like her. I should go through the process, or whatever that means
SJC2008 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I seen your other tread and from what I gather it's just not meant to be IMO. She rejected you once and the best advice is when a woman doesn't want you/want you anymore there's nothing you can do about it. Besides, who needs the awkwardness of dating someone in thier own class? I don't. What if you have an argument or something then you'll be in class ignoring eachother. It's the same as work place drama. TBS if you wanna give it one more shot just go for it. Ask her to hang out some time and feel her (the situation) out you only live once.
utterer of lies Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Is that the same thing? I'm not sure when to do it I seeing how busy we are during the day. The last 2 times I asked her to lunch but I rather not do it a third time. Someone told me I should never just say how I like her. I should go through the process, or whatever that means Don't tell her how you feel, as this will only put stress into everything. Instead, ask her out. Not for lunch. Ask her out on a date in a way that it's very clear to her it's a date.
LittlePrince Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Is that the same thing? I'm not sure when to do it I seeing how busy we are during the day. The last 2 times I asked her to lunch but I rather not do it a third time. Someone told me I should never just say how I like her. I should go through the process, or whatever that means Well you have already asked her out and it turned into nothing. Time to move on.
todreaminblue Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 By going out side and screaming your user name at the top of your lungs at 7AM. lol plus rolling on floor
todreaminblue Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Is that the same thing? I'm not sure when to do it I seeing how busy we are during the day. The last 2 times I asked her to lunch but I rather not do it a third time. Someone told me I should never just say how I like her. I should go through the process, or whatever that means the process sounds liek a game process.....you should ask her out it would make it so much easier if guys just did that again like they used to .....nobody knows anything anymore because its all been screwed around with and conflicting info from well meaning friends.....sigh......you end up with th c lown theme playing in your head......doing absolutely nothing....anananananananananana......crickets chirping in the background... luckily i don't sing it while im thinking it......that is coming up though........smilin....just ask her out she asked you first so it should be easier for you ..no clown theme shall pass your lips i swear forget i wrote it..or it might..good luck.....deb
Author Anonymous1338 Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 I understand you guys mean well and all but... it seems the general consensus is to just move on. I mean, a rejection IS a rejection. Once you reach that point, for your own sake, and for the sake of taking a hint, you should find another person to direct your affection toward. I thought the same thing. I had given up on her. Gotten over? No. I just made sure I understood there would be nothing between us..ever. But there was. I did not look for it. In fact I stayed in denial from it because I did not want to imagine something was there when there really wasn't. We got along too well. Too many smiles/stares, catching each other's eye. It got too the point where I realized my feelings were back stronger than ever. So what did I do? I tried to shut them down. I said it was all in my head. The very next day, I stunted my emotions and treated her as any other friend I had.....and... she asked me what was wrong. I gave her some bs answer. She just kind of looked away all confused and I was afraid she was about to cry or something by how upset she looked. So I made my small talk to give her some attention and she brightened a little but was still visibly upset. We stayed close still but it wasn't the same as before that incident. A week later summer began and I didn't see her or talk to her (one or 2 text convos that didn't really count) for 3 months until the fall. Does she like me now? I think so. My friend says she probably thinks I hate her because I don't talk to her during class. I don't mean to ignore her. I just can't think of anything to say. I'll talk to her before class, and sometimes after if we walk together and not with other friends that sit with us. Today I kind of thought of just giving up. I actually did ignore her on purpose this time and focus on whatever boring lecture was going on in class, and she seemed pretty upset. I hate seeing her unhappy. In general, I don't really like people. The fact that this girl's frown can upset me the way it does, it means a lot to me. So I will make a move. My best friend says I need a plan. A plan? Like a date plan? I don't know where I would go myself for fun, let alone where to go on a date. And as awkward as a talk would be, I feel like things should be put on the table so we know where we stand so I don't need to wake up everyday and wonder if the feeling is "still" mutual. I could always just try and let it play out and hopefully we get back to where we were before and I don't pull out again before it's blatantly obvious what's between us. But that wastes too much time, risks making her think I'm not interested or toying with her and move on, and I'm tired of games. I need a plan of action and I don't know where to start. And btw, when I said "she" asked me out. I meant my ex. This is the first girl I'm taking initiative on (or trying to).
lil hoodlum Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Don't make this any harder than it needs to be. Do you have any interests? Like maybe movies, shooting pool, sports, bowling, etc.? You should chat her up about a new movie that is coming out and tell her how you would really like to see it. Maybe she will take the hint and say "maybe we can go see it together?" or tell her you would really like to see the movie with her and would she be interested in going to see in on say Friday night. Just bring something up to do together in a casual way. She may have some weird food/ eating hang ups and isn't interested in having lunch with you yet. Does your school not have a rec center? Ask her to go with you to check it out. Walk around and find an activity to do together. Yes, you will have to put your neck out a little bit if you would like to do something more with this girl. Just casually mention you would like to do some fun activity and would she like to join you some time. Just don't make this any harder that this needs to be. Good luck!
Author Anonymous1338 Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 So yeah. I found that hour we have free together T/TH and sat there doing work and whooop dee doo, she walks in with lunch. I see her coming and she smiles at me from afar, but of course she came right when I thought she wasn't going to be here today and I gave her a deer in headlights look and she kind of looked away until she got close and sat with me. We must have spent 50 minutes together alone, and we only had a conversation for maybe 5-10 of those. Closer to 5. Rest of it we worked in silence on separate assignments (she was doing hw for a class I didn't have). I don't know iof it was necessarily awkward silence, but I felt like I WANTED to say something to start a conversation (IT NEVER USED TO BE THIS HARD. WE TALKED EASILY) but nothing came out. She said a few things that I couldn't really respond to (talking about her group of friends I don't know well anymore) so yeah. Small talk fail. I have a feeling she either thinks I'm not interested, don't care, or just playing her or whatever. Or she just doesn't like me anymore but I doubt it. This being the same girl who kept her mouth shut while I ignored her signs for months second semester and would get REALLY upset at times when it would happen (even her friends would notice her change in mood), she isn't bound to say anything or make the first move. How am I going to try and take the next step with a girl I can't even hold a conversation at will with? Only solution I see is trying the approach where I visualize her as just a friend so I don't get as nervous (not quite sure why after so many months, I get nervous NOW) but that could have negative repercussions.
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