I am just about ready to give up!

[lil hoodlum]

Hello everyone.

 

I have been hoping for a second chance with my exgirlfriend. We had a 4.5 year relationship that was overall really good. We had a few problems the last six months or so. We never fought and I treated her really well. I'm not perfect and have made a few mistakes but I still love her very much. We have been broken up nearly 4 months now.

 

I have laid my heart on the line several times. I have acknowledged my mistakes and have apologized for them. She told me 6 weeks ago the reason she broke up with me was because I "pushed" her away. Truthfully though I had no idea how she was feeling about certain issues. In fact on numerous times when I noticed she was being distant, I had asked her what was wrong, how was she feeling, had I done something to make her mad or angry at me, and had I NOT done something that made her angry or hurt. On all accounts she would reply it was allways something else. Never indicated to me that she was angry/hurt by my actions or inactions. She checked out of the relationship and excluded me on numerous occasions.

 

Basically, if she had simply talked to me I would have changed or altered my behavior. I loved her enough to do that. She was and still is very important to me. She never told me what was bothering her and just walked away with out giving me a chance. That really hurts me alot.

 

I just don't understand how 2 people could be so in love with eachother and want to get married, to one person checking out and walking away and the other (me) still left with the same feelings.

 

I love this woman and her daughter so much. They mean the world to me and I literally would do anything to have a second chance.

 

I am tired of being lonely and missing the physical touch (i.e. hugs, kisses, and physical closeness.) I miss her so much! She still dominates my thoughts even after nearly 4 months of being apart.

 

6 weeks ago when I asked her why she broke up with me she also told me that she no longer wants to be with anyone and she no longer wants to be married anymore. That hurt me alot and I realized that we want seperate things. I do want to be with someone and do want to be married. Ultimately I would give anything for her to be that one person.

 

I decided it was time for me to move on with my life. I went out of my way to avoid her at work. We are co-workers. Well about a week later she goes out of her way to start doing all of these things for me. I was surprised and scared at the same time because I was hoping she wasn't just messing with my emotions. Well the last week and half or so she has just gone completely cold again towards me. She seems to be going out of her way to avoid me again. For the life of me I can't figure out why or just what the hell I should be doing. I have reached out to her again and she is responding but should I be doing this?

 

We had a very good relationship and it was/is worth fighting for. I am having a hard time walking away because of my feelings for her. She is the first person that I have ever wanted to marry. I feel that we are meant to be together. I am not only in love with her, but also crazy in love with her. She is just what floats my boat.

 

Any advice on what has happened or what my nexts steps should be?

 

I don't want to walk away from her, I simply love her too much! But I can't keep just holding out for something that just may not happen!

Edited September 26, 2012 by lil hoodlum
spelling

[Lowib]

Hey man!

 

Your story is very familiar to me. The pushing away, sudden cold shoulders, and even loving her daughter. Very ironic.

 

I think you need to trust your gut and walk away. I know you're heart is pulling you back but, your head knows you need to walk away. I hate to say it but, it's what I should have done. There becomes a point in a relationship when the tables turn. That burning love she had for you has died. And as much as she might want it back, her gut is telling her something else.

 

I don't know how else to define it. But, it will never be the same again. Sorry man. Take solace in the fact that this has happened for a reason. In time, you'll know why. I'm still trying to figure that out but, as time passed the more I come to understand.

[TopCat22]

Hoodlum, this sounds very similar to my story. I felt that my ex checked out of the RS and then jsut let go without talking to me or trying to work things out. The thing is when a person feels differently about you it doesn't make sense to them to work it out. It's seems like it's easier to walk away. It's slightly cowardly but it saves them from more hurt and guilt.

 

I'd say if you really believe she is the one then don't give up. I feel that I can't give up until I know I've done everything I can. It's not going to be easy though. You need to give her as much space as you can and let her feelings simmer down. It sounds like you might already be there with her. Try reaching out and having small, fun conversations. Think about it as if you just met her and were trying to date her. You wouldn't go running in telling her you loved her! You'd go slow, have small, fun conversations with her. Get a little rapport going and then see if you can take her out. Small dates at first and go from there. See how responsive she is. But you need to get your mind clear and stop being needy and desperate for her. Otherwise it will never work.

 

You also need to be aware that she might really want to move on. That will hurt you again. A LOT. So are you prepred to take the risk? Really ask yourself that and if not then go NC and try to move on.

 

It's a tough choice, but if you really need to see if you can get her back then nothing will deter you. Be who you were when she fell for you. Good luck and be strong.

[Liz2012]

It's tough. You could try telling her you're going to move on now and cutting some ties and seeing if your doing this makes her think twice - if you're anyway going to move on then it's worth a shot.

 

Sorry to hear it really as I think if two people really are worth it they always should TRY properly before giving up but when she doesn't want to

[B00ska]

So hard to understand what happened. *sigh*

Please know that sometimes if you let go, what's yours will come back to you.