unluckylady Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Ok, after reading "To tell or not to tell", as well as some other responses to my other posts, I think I have decided that it is a must that the W find out what my MM has been up to, especially given the fact that I am not the first OW in his life, and I'm certain I won't be the last (and I also question whether I'm even the only OW he has right now!!). Question presented: HOW to tell her? Show up on her doorstep (almost impossible bc she's there only when he is)? Go to her work? Call her? Email her? Snail mail an "I'm sorry" card? HOW to do this??? Also, WHAT do I say? I'm pretty certain she'll be in shock/disbelief at first, so should I volunteer certain details that only an intimate partner would know, or is that going too far?
Mr Spock Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Go look up all of HokeyReligions posts and find the one where she writes a fairly eloquent letter informing somone of the "affair"
Mr Spock Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 think I have decided that it is a must that the W find out what my MM has been up to, especially given the fact that I am not the first OW in his life, and I'm certain I won't be the last (and I also question whether I'm even the only OW he has right now!!). PS-that's the excuse I gave when I wanted to hurt, so think of a better reason that YOU should be the one to tell her.
T-Mama Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 My story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t25431/?highlight=death+threats I eventually had to assume that the fiancee of the man I was involved with would've preferred that I'd never told. She's never responded to any of my emails, phone messages, or letters....not after discovering my true identity after I attempted to forewarn her anonymously before their wedding day. In addition, she has never accepted my pleas of forgiveness or recognized the fact that I too was hurt by the unfortunate situation I allowed myself to cling to....and I still (years later) wish I'd just moved on without trying to do what (at the time) I thought was right & necessary....and I have been unable to heal without her forgiveness & in the midst of what I feel was my failure of him. It is killing me softly.
same situation Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 vomit it out. tell everything and then some. But tell him first that you are going to....believe me you wont hear from him again. Wait about two months when he is off guard or near the holiday season when you receive cards and let'er rip. If he really didn't tell you, he deserves to be outted. But you should be prepared to leave him alone..forever.
Traci1971 Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 I'll try again, 1st reply didn't show Try letting her know without him knowing YOU told her. See, "telling" her might not work, he could weasel out of it, or admit something, but he could tell her u exaggerated because you were upset he broke it off with you. 1. If you can, play nice, be sweet, sexy, loving....whatever it takes....ACT! 2. Hire a PI to snap pics of you 2 in a passionate embrace in public. If he won't go for that, try your best in the car. Meanwhile, PI (or good friend with a zoom camera) can snap away. Try to get 2 or 3 seperate encounters for posterity! 3. Have good friend (or hire an actor) call wife WHILE YOU ARE WITH HIM (timing is crucial-try cell while u r in restroom, text preferably or pre synchronize times-make sure you have someone DEPENDABLE) that will appear to be concerned "friend" that thought she should know that her husband is at "Joe's Bar" right now getting cozy with a blonde. If he won't be seen with you in public, just stick with getting the best possible pics u can, Hug & kiss by car or in car, keeping your best angle in mind. Act really hot for him. 4. While you are with him & after call has been made, have messenger at her work or home ready to drop off the pics to her directly. Try planning this while she's at work or at home that u know. He'll wonder who could've done this & the possibility that SHE hired a PI & won't admit it. Then you can sympathize with him, the poor dear! I have a feeling that I'm going to be crucified for this post!!!!! If u want any other ideas just let me know! Hey, the sneaky, lying ones that think they are slick deserve it--special situations call for special measures.......Nothing wrong with that!! Why should they have all the fun anyway????? Traci
fanou22 Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Traci, I love the PI idea. Had been thinking about it.
BettyBoo Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 What is the real intention you wanting to tell his wife? I am asking that because I knew of a woman whose husband was having an affair for five years. His O/W told the wife and whilst it caused havoc in the moment i.e for some time, the end result was the wife and him reconciling after doing a serious invenory of their marraige and resolving their issues. They are now very happy and the wife looks super. If your intention is to aid his wife and their marraige go ahead and tell them but if you think he is going to split or that his wife will automatically throw him out......THINK AGAIN.. Don't hurt yourself in the process. He may be a horrid , double timing, man but don't waste your energy or money on getting him back. Put your efforts into your life, your future and your peace of mind. Good luck with everything
EC Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 I like the PI idea but its sounds sooo 007 and complicated. Any simpler ideas?
DAYANDNIGHT Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 i think that if someone wanted to tell the ow then she should go to where she is and be an adult about it and tell her how it is i mean tell her what underware he had on , where the hiddn mole is at (lol) tell her where u guys meet and all the main things that will get her thinking but thats only if u know for sure that u want to end the affair cus he aint going to call u afterwards... so i think talk to her and make her know and realize that her husband isnt the great man she thought and u could even set up a date with him and tell him to meet u so and so place then tell her to ask him to go the same place and tell her to hold ur cell phone so when he tries to call u to tell u that he cant go because his wife wants to go , shell have ur cell phone so when it rings shell answer and ull b at the same place to point him out to her... get it .. thought so ..thats funny ...peace
SoleMate Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 SOOOO much effort to get across a message that doesn't even deserve to be delivered. What IS the point of telling the W of your MM? What really is the point?
InmannRoshi Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 To sabotage their relationship under the guise of "coming clean"?
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