youngnlove89 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 How come I feel NOTHING? I haven't talked to him for 10 days. I haven't cried a lot (I have cried but just a little and not in the past few days), I'm happy through out the day and I am very flirtatious and find other guys attractive and would be open to date. I sleep well at night even though I still dream about him but it doesn't make me sad. Breakups before this one, I could not sleep, eat, focus and no other guy could compare. But that was because I kept in contact with an ex. Do you think NC gets you over it faster? How do you feel during NC?
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 it usually comes in waves. keep track of what you are doing on the good days so that when you have the bad ones you have something to look back on. but great news all in all
Dblock10 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 i know what you mean, numb is a good word for me, i'm more fixated on the past rather than what is. i'm just waiting to crack on again with life at college. makes me wonder if all dumpers have the capability to stay in contact and feel nothing what so ever. surely contact has to effect us some way or another
Tree_Salmon Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Still too early to tell. You might feel the heavier stuff later on, or you may feel nothing. Can never tell.
Floored Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 The worst part of NC is wishing she would break it first, so I can have the control to either ignore her or hear her out. For you youngnlove, I think you experienced a more drawn-out breakup, where he had been checked-out and made no effort to even hide it, so where a lot of us get severed so quickly and left with lots of questions, those pesky "whose fault, why did it happen, will we get together again, did you ever love me, is there someone else, can I change anything, did I change anything, etc, etc" questions are what tempt us to break NC. I'm not saying you don't have those "why" questions, you probably got to ask some of them in the time since you joined LS and before it became an official breakup. I'm not saying you will never get the urge, it will come. I do think NC helps to reach a mentality of independence faster; "getting over it" is a different beast, I don't quite know when that point is reached, but I think NC has helped here as well. I no longer see her as my little lady and I- given the opportunity- do not want a second chance at a relationship; not out of spite, just out of the sad realization that she isn't the person I loved for so long. However, the pain of someone else getting that chance at what I thought we had is still as bad today as it was on Dday+1. It's a weird duality. I've said it before, LS is almost cult-like with how much NC is thrown around and worshiped, but it really just is the best thing for a broken-heart. Keep at it, and if at all possible, stay in that mindset where you don't really care. 1
Calico Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 The worst part of NC is wishing she would break it first, so I can have the control to either ignore her or hear her out. Only if you still care way too much about what she thinks or does, are hung up on "control" and use NC for a purpose it's not really ideal for. NC gives you full control over your own actions. Every time you get the urge to contact her and you don't, you have exercised your control. And that's awesome! You are in total control of the situation as far as you are concerned. Shift your thoughts to this. On topic: The side effects of NC, for me, has been that I can actually eat and sleep again, and that there is no influx of new pain. It's almost like a vacation from the torture and all the bullsh.it. 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 I had the urge to contact him last night but he changed his number, so there was no way I could. I could have emailed him, but I didn't. I just was so easy to get rid of him. I keep thinking he is going to text me, call me or whatever. But it's been 11 days.
KatZee Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 How come I feel NOTHING? I haven't talked to him for 10 days. I haven't cried a lot (I have cried but just a little and not in the past few days), I'm happy through out the day and I am very flirtatious and find other guys attractive and would be open to date. I sleep well at night even though I still dream about him but it doesn't make me sad. Breakups before this one, I could not sleep, eat, focus and no other guy could compare. But that was because I kept in contact with an ex. Do you think NC gets you over it faster? How do you feel during NC? I think you're still in the shock stage. I don't think you feel "nothing" you just aren't feeling it yet. From following your posts from day one, I feel like you're hiding the pain for right now. You're not allowing yourself to feel it. Deep down you're not OK. From your last post, you still want to reach out to him. You're still questioning why you were so easy to get rid of. You have A LOT of work to do. You need to do some soul searching within yourself, and you are in no way ready to date, so stop saying you're open to dating. That's just another coping mechanism you're trying to use and it's going to bite you in the as.s. Yes, you did have a long drawn out break up, same as I did, but in your case you were in denial the entire time. Still sleeping with him, still trying to make him see you're the 100%. I still don't think this has sunk in for you yet. I still don't think you "get it" that it's over. Your last post even says you're still hoping he texts you, or reaches out in some capacity. It will only be when you fully realize he's gone and he's NEVER coming back and there's no hope, and you're not sitting around wishing, will you really start to feel the pain and start moving forward. 3
suladas Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I think in kinda in the same stage as you, except I went out on a date last night. I though I was ready and wanted it, but for whatever reason I'm feeling worse since because The date didn't compare to my ex at all and now I just feel like I want to be single if i can't be with my ex. Its weird though, I went a month nc, it's been about 3 weeks now and I know she will probably never contact me but a small part still hopes for it. it's a crappy feeling.
Tree_Salmon Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I think in kinda in the same stage as you, except I went out on a date last night. I though I was ready and wanted it, but for whatever reason I'm feeling worse since because The date didn't compare to my ex at all and now I just feel like I want to be single if i can't be with my ex. Its weird though, I went a month nc, it's been about 3 weeks now and I know she will probably never contact me but a small part still hopes for it. it's a crappy feeling. Nobody is going to be "as good" as your ex right now. Because you're not ready to accept that there are better people out there. That's why people shouldn't date for a while after a breakup.
suladas Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Nobody is going to be "as good" as your ex right now. Because you're not ready to accept that there are better people out there. That's why people shouldn't date for a while after a breakup. It's been two months, and honestly I think I was ready, I gave it a good shot and actually didn't even think of my ex at all. But regardless, we just didn't match up at all, comparing her to my ex or not. However the date not going that great did not help things for me trying to completely forget the ex.
Bigbopper Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Im feeling numb today too. Since she finally said it was over at the weekend after 7 weeks of "Give me space", I have been angry, sad, happy, relieved and today numb. Im taking some control back though. I no longer want to put my heart in a girls hands. This is the 3rd bad break up in my life and I do not want it any more. It will be a long long time before I love again. BTW, to make matters even worse, she is carrying my child but is not willing to work through the problems.
Svet74 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Usually the first week you feel relief. Happy, your kinda just doing your own thing. same thing with week 2 On week three your gonna start missing him, he will also feel the same way and is most likely to contact you, and because u miss him your prob going to reply. I would always fall back into contact with my ex on week three. The longest ive gone was 3 months. And i felt good, live ive moved on. but i also missed him a lot. and just kept remembering the good times verses the bad.
belledandy87 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I guess it's a little different for me. I've been in NC with my ex almost 2 months and it doesn't seem to be going any faster with the process. I am fine during the day, but at night my thoughts drift and I think about him. Though, not romantically, more like how he's happy as can be, while I keep falling down. I don't wish ill of him ... it's just my feelings are hurt. But strangely enough too, I have had dreams about him a couple of times that don't make me sad. Well, glad you're doing ok and best wishes!
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Day 12! I dream about him all the time, but last night I didn't. I dreamt about another ex bf of mine that I broke up with because I didn't have those feelings for him. That ex bf stayed in contact for 3 years but then one day just walked out of my life and I never heard from him again. I always think about him, but I never could get those feelings for him. I never could like him the way he loved me. I'm doing good today. I think about him all the time but I'm okay with him not being in my life. I think my problem is the lonliness. I miss the company. I miss holding someone, kissing, cuddling, all that. I miss that connection with someone. My body aches for it. But I'm okay that I don't have that with my ex anymore. I know I can do better than him, now I just have to find it. How do you cope with lonliness?
Svet74 Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 ive been dreaming about my ex lately too they are all good dreams though. maybe because i know that its finally over?
mvc Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 i had a dream the other night about a complete random, an absolute stunner though and that day was the best i have had since the BU hoping this random will enter my dreams more, or even my life haha
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 I had a dream last night that my ex wanted me back and he wanted to hang out. I remember feeling indifferent in that dream and I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. Have any of your had dreams like that? Where you no longer have feelings for your ex?
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