Don't judge someone just because...

[AnotherRound]

they sin differently than you do.

 

I just read this quote, no idea who it came from, but this is exactly what I have been trying to say for so long! That nobody lives in a house that isn't made of glass, just for different reasons. Because to me, it says, we ALL make mistakes (I'm not a believer in "sin" per se), and no judging should ever take place, bc of that - and the fact that nobody is better than anyone else. We are all just different.

 

OW/OMs, thoughts on this? Is this what you were trying to say too? Or, how do you feel about the quote? Does it hit home for you?

[Ladydrib]

I know. I've just become a hypocrite. I'm sensitive about this because my husband fought my attempts to leave all these years but at the same time did not put in effort to maintain the relationship nor himself (from neither a health nor a physical perspective). I feel like a prisoner of guilt. So yes I am now someone who compromised my morals, became a hypocrite, and forgot what else.

 

I'm not mad at anyone but myself and my husband. I should have found a way to be stronger and not stay out of guilt and sympathy. I certainly made no one happy by doing so. I guess the irony is that it was pain that I was trying not to inflict and now I've hurt everyone. Self fulfilling prophecy I suppose.

 

Good post.

[MissBee]

I didn't feel judged when I was an OW.

 

At no point during my OW stint did I feel the need to ask people not to judge me. I didn't feel the need explain myself and why I should be respected or anything like that.I didn't expect people to respect my choice of an A...why should they?

 

If you weren't my friend, it was none of your business and therefore it was never really a big deal or anything I had to really try to get on a soapbox over, as only my friends knew what kind of relationship setup I was in, and I'm sure they didn't think it was the greatest idea, but they still loved and respected me. I also wasn't on an online forum...maybe if I were, then things would have been different. I do sometimes try to think what style of posts I'd make about my A while in it. But yea it didn't cross my mind to get support or talk about it while in it...I simply lived it and if we had issues, I vented with friends as I did when I'm with a single guy. But I never asked a friend not to judge me or strangers...judge away...I don't care. People judge day in and out....I can't stop it and I don't care to...it affects my life very little if at all. Most people judge, they just are polite enough not to voice it..but this is in the real world offline. Most people are way more polite and censored offline...online now, on a discussion board, there is NO reason to not voice your thoughts and opinions and judge...that's just my expectation. I expect you will have aholes who always want to spout off in the mix with decent folks....so I see more use in ignoring (there's an app for that ) versus asking people not to perform a very human function that is probably even more second nature on a board and topic such as this.

[AnotherRound]

EVERYONE judges every single day.

 

BS's, fOW, etc don't corner the market on judging.

 

I see on here every single day a current OW (and many former) who judge the wife/betrayed spouse. Had she done x, her husband wouldn't have cheated. Had she not done y, her husband wouldn't have cheated.

 

People judge each other every single day of the year. It can range from "what ugly shoes she's wearing, does she not have taste" to "you think you are better than me because you have a master's degree" to "I got your man because you don't have sex enough with him/listen enough to me/have dinner ready for him". It happens every single day.

 

Some people are very "anti" cheating, "anti" seat belts, "anti" going the speed limit. Some people are okay with cheating, wearing a seat belt, speeding. Its each person's own moral code.

 

I see the most posts from those who are having an affair who get on the "don't judge me" bandwagon than any other 'group' of people. They are usually the first ones to throw out the "everyone makes mistakes" comments.

 

If you (general you) are okay with your actions and behaviors, then own it. You (general you) don't have to try to relay to those who are against cheating your views and it is silly to try to change the anti-cheating people's mind with the logic of "everyone makes mistakes".

 

Why get all up in arms that people judge others .... in affairs or any other part of their life? Do you judge people that are voting for Obama? Do you judge people that are voting for Romney? Probably so. So what. Do you really care if a bunch of internet people judge you for having an affair?

 

Wrong. Not everyone judges. I know you might like to think that, maybe to justify your own judgmental attitude, but nope, not everyone does. Having an opinion on something is NOT judging. I don't think judging means what you think it means... I'll get a definition of it so that we aren't spending the thread debating what judgment is, as the point of the thread was for OW/OMs to discuss how this quote made them feel.

 

Thanks...

Edited September 26, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[AnotherRound]

And ps... this was not a thread about how I feel about being judged here, lol. I don't know why some folks can't just think about things that aren't all about them, or don't realize that some of us just like to think about things - even things that don't directly affect us. ????

 

This isn't about me and being judged for being in an affair, I honestly couldn't care less. It was about me reading a quote that I strongly agreed with and wondered if other OW/OMs did too, as we do tend to often be the ones on the being judged end of the affair (as in my experience, BSs tend to be very judgmental, not just about the affair, but in most areas of their lives).

 

So, please, don't try to make it a personal dig. This IS the OW/OM board, and if you don't have anything to add to the discussion other than trying to turn it into anything other than what it is (a philosophical discussion about a quote about judgment), maybe you'd enjoy another thread better. Maybe you could make one about OWs on the internet who are "sensitive" to being judged?

[truthbetold]

I didn't feel judged when I was an OW.

 

At no point during my OW stint did I feel the need to ask people not to judge me. I didn't feel the need explain myself and why I should be respected or anything like that.I didn't expect people to respect my choice of an A...why should they?

 

If you weren't my friend, it was none of your business and therefore it was never really a big deal or anything I had to really try to get on a soapbox over, as only my friends knew what kind of relationship setup I was in, and I'm sure they didn't think it was the greatest idea, but they still loved and respected me. I also wasn't on an online forum...maybe if I were, then things would have been different. I do sometimes try to think what style of posts I'd make about my A while in it. But yea it didn't cross my mind to get support or talk about it while in it...I simply lived it and if we had issues, I vented with friends as I did when I'm with a single guy. But I never asked a friend not to judge me or strangers...judge away...I don't care. People judge day in and out....I can't stop it and I don't care to...it affects my life very little if at all. Most people judge, they just are polite enough not to voice it..but this is in the real world offline. Most people are way more polite and censored offline...online now, on a discussion board, there is NO reason to not voice your thoughts and opinions and judge...that's just my expectation. I expect you will have aholes who always want to spout off in the mix with decent folks....so I see more use in ignoring (there's an app for that ) versus asking people not to perform a very human function that is probably even more second nature on a board and topic such as this.

 

That makes total sense MissBee that if you were oh so happy in an affair situation you would just be out there living your life. I understand the ones that come here in pain and would like a way out. That's where I maintain anyone can offer insight as pretty much everyone has experienced a bad relationship where you just weren't being treated as you should and then justified the bad behavior.

 

What I don't understand is this need to convince those of us that either aren't from either side or are former OW or BS that we must understand their point of view. That if we say we know beyond a shadow of a doubt we won't cheat, how foolish that thought is. Sorry if people don't understand some people really do know themselves that well.

 

As I mentioned on another thread, there are such forums catering to only OW's (and men) thoughts and experiences. How they have every day trials in their relationships and it's just like normal relationships except many don't know about it. How that's normal I don't know. Anyway they just want a place to discuss that and not get out of it. But if "those" places were so great and they could just commisurate with each other without the bother of dissenting opinions, then why the need to come here to argue and make underhanded digs on "newbies" threads about how "many" posts aren't helpful Instead of trusting that a person is intelligent enough to figure out what they need and discard the rest.

 

Why the need to argue what this forum should be or not be and who is and is not supporative. I think most OW come here in pain and how it's helpful to tell someone to accept lies and crap treatment instead of helping them figure out what's broken that lead them to accept that, well I've said before I like to see people that have that inner peace and happiness and affair won't lead there as evidenced to the many posts to the contrary.

[MissBee]

Wrong. Not everyone judges. I know you might like to think that, maybe to justify your own judgmental attitude, but nope, not everyone does. Having an opinion on something is NOT judging. I don't think judging means what you think it means... I'll get a definition of it so that we aren't spending the thread debating what judgment is, as the point of the thread was for OW/OMs to discuss how this quote made them feel.

 

Thanks...

 

The negative connotation of judge is just one of it's meanings...having an opinion is another.

 

Definition of JUDGE

 

transitive verb

1

: to form an opinion about through careful weighing of evidence and testing of premises

2

: to sit in judgment on : try

3

: to determine or pronounce after inquiry and deliberation

4

: govern, rule —used of a Hebrew tribal leader

5

: to form an estimate or evaluation of; especially : to form a negative opinion about <shouldn't judge him because of his accent>

 

6

: to hold as an opinion : guess, think <I judge she knew what she was doing>

 

intransitive verb

1

: to form an opinion

2

: to decide as a judge

Number 5 is probably what most mean when they think of or admonish against judging...but I believe we all indeed evaluate and form opinions about people/situations. Judgmental now...that's another thing, and is most often negative.

[whichwayisup]

(as in my experience, BSs tend to be very judgmental, not just about the affair, but in most areas of their lives).

 

Respectfully just gotta say that this is pretty offensive. This is your opinion and obviously through your own personal experience, but saying BS's or implying that all BS's are judgemental isn't right either. Some may feel that you're judging, even though it's your opinion. I've given my opinion of thousands of threads, advice etc, only to be told that I am being judgemental. It all depends on how words are taken, and also how a person feels about themselves too. Hope this makes sense, got a weird headache tonight so not sure if it makes sense being written out here..

 

People judge others throughout their life to varying degrees. Having some sort of judgement can be a good thing too, it isn't always negative.

 

We all get judged on how we look, at work, how our job performances are, attitudes, etc..etc.. it isn't a gender thing, nor is an infidelity (either side) issue. Fact is, some judge more than others, some are worse, some aren't.

 

What counts at the end of the day is each of us feel about ourselves. One cannot control what someone else may think, feel or say about you (general you) overall.

[eleanorrigby]

The negative connotation of judge is just one of it's meanings...having an opinion is another.

 

 

Number 5 is probably what most mean when they think of or admonish against judging...but I believe we all indeed evaluate and form opinions about people/situations. Judgmental now...that's another thing, and is most often negative.

 

haha you beat me to it. I was just looking up the definition myself. I believe judgement/judging is just part of being a moving life form on this planet. We have to make judgements about things. I don't want or need to experience everything in life to decide if it's something good for me.

 

Some things I'd prefer to just observe(judge) other people that are going through it and make my decision based on that.

[MissBee]

I honestly think everytime a thread about judging comes up it goes downhill...why? Because the irony of the matter is that often those saying they don't judge turn around and judge other people about being judgmental. They usually make it a point to decide that judging is a bad thing then point out those who they deem are doing this bad thing that they think they don't do. In this case, a whole group of people...i.e. BSs are being branded as judgmental...how is making this claim not also judging????

 

Definition of JUDGMENTAL

 

1

: of, relating to, or involving judgment

2

: characterized by a tendency to judge harshly <judgmental prigs>

 

Having or displaying an excessively critical point of view.

 

I think it's pretty harsh (and unfounded) to decide that people whose spouses cheat on them (rendering them BSs...as hello I wonder if it is realized that no one is born a BS or is a "natural" BS, thus ANY kind of person can be one through no fault of their own, but end up that way through another's action? ) are often people who are judgmental in ALL areas of life. If this is not a judgmental statement then idk...

 

And so is the catch-22 of judging threads.

 

I'd rather allow people to judge and admit that I also am guilty of judging sometimes, rather than attempt to say I never judge, then get caught with my pants down...

[Ellin]

I've said many times on this forum that I'm against judging others. I may think things in my mind about people, especially if someone hurt me, but at the same time I'm also aware that I can't know what it's like to be in another person's shoes, and that would be necessary to be able to judge them "correctly".

 

That's why I try not to publicly or even privately condemn, preach and be harsh. I'm just a human being who is far from perfect so what gives me the right to put myself above others and judge them.

 

I have to add that OW do not always intentionally set out to have a R with a MM and often sort of "find themselves" in this situation and so many go through enormous pain during the course of the A which is quite possible no less significant than the pain of the BS.

[MonsterMash]

If you have to have a thread saying "don't judge me"......seems to me that you aren't happy and are judging yourself. If you were content, then others opinions wouldn't matter. And you wouldn't seek out others opinion on an online forum just to say "don't judge me" when they don't tell you what you want to hear.

 

The anger you feel from being "judged" is nothing more than goal obstruction. It makes you mad when someone doesn't make you feel better about your choices and you lash out as being "judged."

 

Its simple psychology.

[AnotherRound]

If you have to have a thread saying "don't judge me"......seems to me that you aren't happy and are judging yourself. If you were content, then others opinions wouldn't matter. And you wouldn't seek out others opinion on an online forum just to say "don't judge me" when they don't tell you what you want to hear.

 

The anger you feel from being "judged" is nothing more than goal obstruction. It makes you mad when someone doesn't make you feel better about your choices and you lash out as being "judged."

 

Its simple psychology.

 

Well yes, that would be simple. If I had said "don't judge me". That's what you took from the quote? Lmao. I distinctly remember saying "nobody should judge anyone".

 

Ignore.

[MonsterMash]

Well yes, that would be simple. If I had said "don't judge me". That's what you took from the quote? Lmao. I distinctly remember saying "nobody should judge anyone".

 

Ignore.

 

You also said "this is what I've been trying to say." I took it as the quote resonates with you cause you've felt judged.

[AnotherRound]

I was asking how OW/OMs felt about this quote. Reason being, that being the Other in an affair is often judged as one of the "worst" sins one can take part in. Even worse than the WS's participation in some cases.

 

This is not a thread about what judgment is, I think in this context it is pretty clear that I meant the ranking of some sins as worse than others.

 

And, no, not everyone judges. Again, I know that some people like to think that bc it makes them feel less ashamed that they do this (even though it's often against their religion, etc.), but it is simply not true. There are people in this world that do not judge - Buddhist Monks, for example. They help everyone without judgment. I know it's not the "norm", as many people are raised to judge others, to see themselves as superior to others by this judgment, but not all of us were raised this way, nor do all of us think that way.

 

I wasn't making a judgment about BS's, I was observing something that I have noticed - along with the black and white thinking, there often seems to be a lot of judgmental attitudes (ranking of sins into which is the worst, which is the least). That's not a judgment at all. It's a personal experience. I don't judge them for it. I just see it, and go on with my life.

 

This thread was to get OW/OMs thinking about the quote. I related to the quote, as it is something that I find I am trying to say every single day. Not just here, but IRL too. It is my attempt to help others understand that nothing is gained by feeling superior, or less sinful, than others. That it doesn't heal, that it doesn't help, and that it is often false anyway.

 

This quote made me think of how I view the world. The way that I believe that no human has the right to judge, or rank, any other humans sins. One, bc they are sinners too, and there is no better or worse, sin is sin. And two, it's not their right as a fellow human who also sins. And as with most things, it is all relative. I think it's a "sin" to brainwash children to believe in god instead of allowing them to develop their cognitive abilities, then presenting them with all the evidence, and allowing them to make their own decisions. Others wouldn't see this as a sin at all, or if they do, maybe they don't rank it very high. I rank it VERY high, in that I think it's mental abuse against a child. I don't judge those who do this - it's their right to mentally abuse their own children in this way, but I do have opinions on it. I don't assume that they are "bad" people, I just try to have understanding of WHY they do it.

 

That is not judgment. If someone thinks that judgment is having an opinion or thought on anything, then perhaps they do feel better when they convince themselves that "everyone does it". I've never lived life like that, justifying something I do bc "everyone else does it". If I think something is wrong, I try my damnedest to not do it, ever, and I don't care if I am the only one NOT doing it. To me, that is justification of bad behavior.

 

And yes, anyone can post. But, if you don't stay on topic, I will be reporting the posts. I'm tired of innocent threads here being threadjacked for some other folk's own agendas. If you don't want to participate in the discussion asked for, ignore the thread. This is not a place for others to come and JUDGE the thread. . It was an innocent, "how do you feel about this quote" for OW/OMs. Anything other than that is OFF TOPIC.

[Furious]

they sin differently than you do.

 

I just read this quote, no idea who it came from, but this is exactly what I have been trying to say for so long! That nobody lives in a house that isn't made of glass, just for different reasons. Because to me, it says, we ALL make mistakes (I'm not a believer in "sin" per se), and no judging should ever take place, bc of that - and the fact that nobody is better than anyone else. We are all just different.

 

OW/OMs, thoughts on this? Is this what you were trying to say too? Or, how do you feel about the quote? Does it hit home for you?

 

 

 

I think your point is that everyone sins so therefore, everyone at some point has made bad choices.

 

But the flip side is how are sins determined, in order for a sin to be considered as such, isn't it judged in some way that it qualifies as a sin.

 

Judgement is fluid, it must change with the times, it must reflect a greater understanding that allows humans dignity and protects the growth of humanity.

 

Judgement will always exist, but it must not remain stagnant.

[Stephanie]

This thread has been moved to GRD. OP can't specify that only certain people can respond. I understand asking for the viewpoints of those in similar situations to herself, but we can't and won't limit discussion to only those persons.

 

Other than the OP asking for opinions from other AP's, the quote really has nothing to do with affairs, so let's not turn this into a debate about which side has it worse. There are plenty of those threads out there.

 

Discuss the quote itself, generally speaking, and we might all learn something. Turn this into a war, and it will be over.

 

Thanks

[whichwayisup]

I think it's a "sin" to brainwash children to believe in god instead of allowing them to develop their cognitive abilities, then presenting them with all the evidence, and allowing them to make their own decisions. Others wouldn't see this as a sin at all, or if they do, maybe they don't rank it very high. I rank it VERY high, in that I think it's mental abuse against a child. I don't judge those who do this - it's their right to mentally abuse their own children in this way, but I do have opinions on it. I don't assume that they are "bad" people, I just try to have understanding of WHY they do it.

Do you have any friends who are religious, or at least Church goers? Meaning they go to Church every Sunday yet don't go around preaching.. They live normal lives.. Would you tell any of your friends how you feel about this? You feel it's mentally abusive to teach a child about God and religion, yet you say don't judge..But how would your friends feel or another family member feel if they knew you felt this way? Do you think they would feel judged by you by having that opinion about kids and belief about God?

 

Or are you talking extreme, fantanics? Or just regular folks who believe in God and try to live a happy and healthy life?

 

Opinion and judgement at times can easily be mixed up and depending on the person, could be taken either way or completely out of context.

 

Another example...This could be said about a WS..He/she is mentally abusive to their BS by cheating on them, lying to them, betraying them and inflicting pain on them.

[MonsterMash]

I was asking how OW/OMs felt about this quote. Reason being, that being the Other in an affair is often judged as one of the "worst" sins one can take part in. Even worse than the WS's participation in some cases.

 

This is not a thread about what judgment is, I think in this context it is pretty clear that I meant the ranking of some sins as worse than others.

 

And, no, not everyone judges. Again, I know that some people like to think that bc it makes them feel less ashamed that they do this (even though it's often against their religion, etc.), but it is simply not true. There are people in this world that do not judge - Buddhist Monks, for example. They help everyone without judgment. I know it's not the "norm", as many people are raised to judge others, to see themselves as superior to others by this judgment, but not all of us were raised this way, nor do all of us think that way.

 

I wasn't making a judgment about BS's, I was observing something that I have noticed - along with the black and white thinking, there often seems to be a lot of judgmental attitudes (ranking of sins into which is the worst, which is the least). That's not a judgment at all. It's a personal experience. I don't judge them for it. I just see it, and go on with my life.

 

This thread was to get OW/OMs thinking about the quote. I related to the quote, as it is something that I find I am trying to say every single day. Not just here, but IRL too. It is my attempt to help others understand that nothing is gained by feeling superior, or less sinful, than others. That it doesn't heal, that it doesn't help, and that it is often false anyway.

 

This quote made me think of how I view the world. The way that I believe that no human has the right to judge, or rank, any other humans sins. One, bc they are sinners too, and there is no better or worse, sin is sin. And two, it's not their right as a fellow human who also sins. And as with most things, it is all relative. I think it's a "sin" to brainwash children to believe in god instead of allowing them to develop their cognitive abilities, then presenting them with all the evidence, and allowing them to make their own decisions. Others wouldn't see this as a sin at all, or if they do, maybe they don't rank it very high. I rank it VERY high, in that I think it's mental abuse against a child. I don't judge those who do this - it's their right to mentally abuse their own children in this way, but I do have opinions on it. I don't assume that they are "bad" people, I just try to have understanding of WHY they do it.

 

That is not judgment. If someone thinks that judgment is having an opinion or thought on anything, then perhaps they do feel better when they convince themselves that "everyone does it". I've never lived life like that, justifying something I do bc "everyone else does it". If I think something is wrong, I try my damnedest to not do it, ever, and I don't care if I am the only one NOT doing it. To me, that is justification of bad behavior.

 

And yes, anyone can post. But, if you don't stay on topic, I will be reporting the posts. I'm tired of innocent threads here being threadjacked for some other folk's own agendas. If you don't want to participate in the discussion asked for, ignore the thread. This is not a place for others to come and JUDGE the thread. . It was an innocent, "how do you feel about this quote" for OW/OMs. Anything other than that is OFF TOPIC.

 

Ok so..if I say anything you don't like its "off topic" and you'll run tell daddy so he can spank me. Check.

 

 

In the interest of keeping this on topic about "not judging", let me make a counterpoint. Society in general through the ages has been very judgmental. It is a way for society to keep functioning to the betternent of everyone, as opposed to a selfish few.

 

Now I ask you....do you think society functions better *now* with more people not judging the actions of others? Or is society as a whole breaking down because fewer and fewer people don't judge?

 

On a large scale, fewer and fewer people refuse to blame young criminals for their actions. They make excuses "he had a bad home life" or some other equally bad excuse to say its not his fault. So he gets a light sentence, only to go on to bigger and better crimes. How did society benefit from not judging him? It didn't.

 

60 years ago, pregnancy outside of wedlock was heavily frowned upon. Then came the 60s era of free love and drugs....and in the subsequent decades we have had an explosion of teen pregnancy and unwed mothers, and millions of maladjusted kids with no home life or social skilks because mama and daddy weren't made to own up to their responsibllity. Society didn't judge them so now we are paying the price for that. Did a lack of judgment help us there?

 

Now, in the realm of affairs....no matter what side of the fence you fall on, you have to agree that they are also a part of the downfall of society. Why? Because it destroys the family unit in a time where family is needed more than ever. Whether the husband and wife divorce or not, it still takes a toll. Where? On the kids. They have to endure the pain, anguish and anger that results in a divorce due to infidelity. OR they have to endure the pain, anguish and anger that results in a man and woman who stay together and work it out after infidelity. Either way, they are being taught thats life is supposed to be that way. Its not. A lack of societal judgment in this situation just produces more dysfunctional children.

 

Do I judge because I think I'm better? No. I judge because I want to control my environment. Because I look at the long term. I don't want kids to think its ok to gain their pleasure and happiness at the expense of others. I don't want them to have a marriage where they tolerate infidelity because I know firsthand how it breaks you down physically and mentally.

 

Whether we believe it or not, our actions affect others. And I'm ok with being judged because NO ONE judges me harsher than I did do. IMO, if we as a society don't judge our actions and others....then eventually we won't have a society left.

 

Now since that was my opinion on the judge or not to judge question ....it should be on topic enough for you to give me a rational response.

[todreaminblue]

If you have to have a thread saying "don't judge me"......seems to me that you aren't happy and are judging yourself. If you were content, then others opinions wouldn't matter. And you wouldn't seek out others opinion on an online forum just to say "don't judge me" when they don't tell you what you want to hear.

 

The anger you feel from being "judged" is nothing more than goal obstruction. It makes you mad when someone doesn't make you feel better about your choices and you lash out as being "judged."

 

Its simple psychology.

 

 

everybody judges somebody and finds them lacking......its human nature and imperfection ......ultimately wrong.......we shouldn't and i have a conscience....so it gets to me when i do judge someone unfairly....i will always judge myself more unfairly.......im outta here ...have a great day guys mines a bit shady today....sorry .......deb

[mercy]

Don't judge someone just because...

they sin differently than you do.

 

Well, I certainly don't want to judge those sinning just like me. Then that would make me accountable.

 

 

I judged the posts and put a 'like' on them.

[eleanorrigby]

AnotherRound, what is the difference between an opinion and a judgement to you?

[truthbetold]

Ok so..if I say anything you don't like its "off topic" and you'll run tell daddy so he can spank me. Check.

 

 

In the interest of keeping this on topic about "not judging", let me make a counterpoint. Society in general through the ages has been very judgmental. It is a way for society to keep functioning to the betternent of everyone, as opposed to a selfish few.

 

Now I ask you....do you think society functions better *now* with more people not judging the actions of others? Or is society as a whole breaking down because fewer and fewer people don't judge?

 

On a large scale, fewer and fewer people refuse to blame young criminals for their actions. They make excuses "he had a bad home life" or some other equally bad excuse to say its not his fault. So he gets a light sentence, only to go on to bigger and better crimes. How did society benefit from not judging him? It didn't.

 

60 years ago, pregnancy outside of wedlock was heavily frowned upon. Then came the 60s era of free love and drugs....and in the subsequent decades we have had an explosion of teen pregnancy and unwed mothers, and millions of maladjusted kids with no home life or social skilks because mama and daddy weren't made to own up to their responsibllity. Society didn't judge them so now we are paying the price for that. Did a lack of judgment help us there?

 

Now, in the realm of affairs....no matter what side of the fence you fall on, you have to agree that they are also a part of the downfall of society. Why? Because it destroys the family unit in a time where family is needed more than ever. Whether the husband and wife divorce or not, it still takes a toll. Where? On the kids. They have to endure the pain, anguish and anger that results in a divorce due to infidelity. OR they have to endure the pain, anguish and anger that results in a man and woman who stay together and work it out after infidelity. Either way, they are being taught thats life is supposed to be that way. Its not. A lack of societal judgment in this situation just produces more dysfunctional children.

 

Do I judge because I think I'm better? No. I judge because I want to control my environment. Because I look at the long term. I don't want kids to think its ok to gain their pleasure and happiness at the expense of others. I don't want them to have a marriage where they tolerate infidelity because I know firsthand how it breaks you down physically and mentally.

 

Whether we believe it or not, our actions affect others. And I'm ok with being judged because NO ONE judges me harsher than I did do. IMO, if we as a society don't judge our actions and others....then eventually we won't have a society left.

 

Now since that was my opinion on the judge or not to judge question ....it should be on topic enough for you to give me a rational response.

 

This was amazing and spot on. You really summed it up and yet encompassed all points so well. I'm sure some will disagree but likely that's why they will find themselves immersed in pain longer than they should be and not understand why. I really hope the OP doesn't have you on ignore and does see this. I don't see how someone claims to be so open to views but then more or less becomes narrow minded unless it's THEIR agenda. I mean you might as well write a blog where no one can comment if you really can't handle differing opinions.

[Saba]

...... It is a way for society to keep functioning to the betternent of everyone, as opposed to a selfish few.

 

Now I ask you....do you think society functions better *now* with more people not judging the actions of others? Or is society as a whole breaking down because fewer and fewer people don't judge?

 

....

60 years ago, pregnancy outside of wedlock was heavily frowned upon. Then came the 60s era of free love and drugs....and in the subsequent decades we have had an explosion of teen pregnancy and unwed mothers, and millions of maladjusted kids with no home life or social skilks because mama and daddy weren't made to own up to their responsibllity. Society didn't judge them so now we are paying the price for that. Did a lack of judgment help us there?

 

...

Now since that was my opinion on the judge or not to judge question ....it should be on topic enough for you to give me a rational response.

 

I am going to go slightly off topic in my response. Six days ago the state parliament where I live in Australia apologised to people affected by forced adoption practices. This apology recognised an injustice to women (young unwed mothers mostly) and their children. Judgement does not always lead to understanding. Do you really mean judgement for one's actions would be beneficial for society or do you mean accountability of one's actions would lead to a better society?

 

Sorry to get off topic, but I felt strongly about this topic.

[MonsterMash]

I am going to go slightly off topic in my response. Six days ago the state parliament where I live in Australia apologised to people affected by forced adoption practices. This apology recognised an injustice to women (young unwed mothers mostly) and their children. Judgement does not always lead to understanding. Do you really mean judgement for one's actions would be beneficial for society or do you mean accountability of one's actions would lead to a better society?

 

Sorry to get off topic, but I felt strongly about this topic.

 

 

Both. If someone chooses an action that the majority of society deems inappropriate, and this person doesn't take responsibilty for those actions and it continues to affect said society....then I believe its appropriate for this person to be judged. And if deemed appropriate.... ostracized.

 

I'm editing this to add: I don't believe the government in your case, should be making those decisions either. Most govts could **** up a grilled cheese sandwich. By society, I mean your local community. Whats acceptable in Down Home, Georgia is completely different than whats acceptable in Fruits n' Nuts, California.

Edited September 26, 2012 by MonsterMash