Why is she still single??

[SJC2008]

Why post if you don't want answers that are different from your own.

 

You are obsessing over someone who didn't want you. Fine, get fit, lose that extra weight and date other women. Who cares?

 

Who cares? I do an I thought it was a good topic like I said man hater. You're the same man hater who called me a night and shining armor. I can respect answers different from my own but when they're "Lose weight, stop obsessing" they're not related to the OP. It's funny how not one poster called me obsessive over the women I liked a lot?? Don't tell me I'm a creep because I know she's still on the same site I use. She probably knows I'm on the site still too does that make her a creep?

[bob the brave]

One can speculate, but I've seen it before.

 

She's single because she wants to be for whatever reason.

 

Single and going for 10s only at her age is a sign of a player. Some women are very discrete about this. That is, dress conservatively, ladylike...especially at work, but player still the same.

 

So, in a way when she said she wasn't ready for a relationship, it wasn't a lie. I don't know your objectives, but she might have sensed this aim in you and for players that's like garlic to vampires.

 

Quit wasting time on her and move on. Next!

[Hopeful30]

she probly just cant find a guy she really likes, probably their all "meh" to her

[monkey00]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I have female co-workers at my job who have been single for over a year. Many of these come back to the office and gossip and complain to each other about their bad dates. The problem is they agree to dates they aren't that interested in and they are just uber-picky. Not sure if they are shallow, but these are women in their late 20's - mid-30's.

 

One of them in particular has been on a dating site for a year and is still single...some people are like that. Some also just use the dating site for an ego boost when in reality they are not ready for commitment.

 

I wouldn't take it personally OP. Just accept your losses and move on, plenty of fish in the sea. No point going after someone that isn't interested.

[truth_seeker]

I have to agree with MrCastle and monkey00.

 

Lots of women out there who are single because they are stuck on a fantasy guy. They will not settle (for now) so they date guys to fill in the time. Once they start to feel the pressure from family, friends, they will pick a guy who comes close to what they want and marry him.

 

One thing is for sure with these types of women: they will never be truly happy.

[xxoo]

I'm not judging her and it's her perogative. Like I said I wanted to post about it because it was an IRL example of a woman who seems to be struggling with dating. A golden opportunity for some of the women here to chime in because many are quick to say women struggle too when men say they have it harder but what do yall do?? Gang tackle me saying stop judging her, why shouldn't she be single? etc. If it was a man it would be a different story but because she has a vag it's because she hasn't found the right one yet/don't judge her. Hypocrite man haters.

 

I don't judge men for deciding to be single, either. There are several male posters here who feel unready for a relationship currently, or haven't met the right woman, and choose to be single even though they could find a "space filler" woman. I respect that choice.

[Imajerk17]

Here is the thing: For many of us, being single is actually preferred to being in a relationship with the wrong person. A relationship ties up a lot of time and effort, and if you are going to go through with all that, then you better be excited to be in it.

[truth_seeker]

Here is the thing: For many of us, being single is actually preferred to being in a relationship with the wrong person. A relationship ties up a lot of time and effort, and if you are going to go through with all that, then you better be excited to be in it.

 

100% right!

[xpaperxcutx]

I'm not judging her and it's her perogative. Like I said I wanted to post about it because it was an IRL example of a woman who seems to be struggling with dating. A golden opportunity for some of the women here to chime in because many are quick to say women struggle too when men say they have it harder but what do yall do?? Gang tackle me saying stop judging her, why shouldn't she be single? etc. If it was a man it would be a different story but because she has a vag it's because she hasn't found the right one yet/don't judge her. Hypocrite man haters.

 

You're presuming and prejudging her based on the fact she's been online for a year. Unless you heard from the lion's mouth, presuming is judging for the worst.

 

I used to OLD as well. When I got into a relationship I completely forgot I had a profile It wasn't until I get those spam mails they sent out that I remembered I had one.

 

Just because someone's been online dating does not mean they're struggling to date, half the time they forget to delete their profiles or they are on a break.

 

Why are you so adamant that she's having a hard time dating? Her single status is her poragative. Had this been any other girl who haven't rejected you, maybe you wouldn't be so quick to " presume" she's having a hard time.

 

Here is the thing: For many of us, being single is actually preferred to being in a relationship with the wrong person. A relationship ties up a lot of time and effort, and if you are going to go through with all that, then you better be excited to be in it.

 

I agree. When I was single, I wasn't ready to jump into any relationship just because a guy was there.

[iris219]

Many people don’t seem to realize that many women have no options and that’s why they are single. I’m not talking about unattractive, uneducated, unpleasant women. I’m not talking about women who have a lot going for them. Many simply aren’t meeting men--at all.

 

I’ve been single for awhile, as have several of my friends and coworkers, and it’s not because we prefer being single. Quite the contrary, in fact. It’s because no one is asking us out.

 

I have one friend who’s been single for 6 years (not one date in that time) and one who has barely dated in the last 10 years (her last relationship was 10 years ago).

[spiderowl]

I've been on my own for a lot longer than I needed to be. I've had quite a few offers but I haven't felt a true connection with these guys. Some of them I just felt were aiming to exploit me and weren't looking for a relationship. Their whole attitude and topics of conversation gave that away.

 

It's not easy to find that connection. It's not just a matter of fancying a guy's body (though guys seem to think that's the main thing).

 

Plus, I have to say, there are some features which seem quite common in guys (not all of course) that are offputting. A classic is poor personal hygiene. Another is talking all the time and not listening. Something else that matters is attitudes to others - insensitivity and cruelty is an enormous turn off. Drinking too much, or smoking, are both turnoffs. Thinking sex or money is the only thing that matters to them is also unattractive. Being married is a massive turnoff too.

 

That leaves very few guys ... sadly.

[soccerrprp]

I've been on my own for a lot longer than I needed to be. I've had quite a few offers but I haven't felt a true connection with these guys. Some of them I just felt were aiming to exploit me and weren't looking for a relationship. Their whole attitude and topics of conversation gave that away.

 

It's not easy to find that connection. It's not just a matter of fancying a guy's body (though guys seem to think that's the main thing).

 

Plus, I have to say, there are some features which seem quite common in guys (not all of course) that are offputting. A classic is poor personal hygiene. Another is talking all the time and not listening. Something else that matters is attitudes to others - insensitivity and cruelty is an enormous turn off. Drinking too much, or smoking, are both turnoffs. Thinking sex or money is the only thing that matters to them is also unattractive. Being married is a massive turnoff too.

 

That leaves very few guys ... sadly.

 

Ugh. Sorry to hear that. How old are you and is the dating pool small? Limited? It sounds like you're in an area of the world where pessimism and cynicism seems to be prevalent.

[SJC2008]

You're presuming and prejudging her based on the fact she's been online for a year. Unless you heard from the lion's mouth, presuming is judging for the worst.

 

I used to OLD as well. When I got into a relationship I completely forgot I had a profile It wasn't until I get those spam mails they sent out that I remembered I had one.

 

Just because someone's been online dating does not mean they're struggling to date, half the time they forget to delete their profiles or they are on a break.

 

Why are you so adamant that she's having a hard time dating? Her single status is her poragative. Had this been any other girl who haven't rejected you, maybe you wouldn't be so quick to " presume" she's having a hard time.

 

 

 

I agree. When I was single, I wasn't ready to jump into any relationship just because a guy was there.

 

You really need to take your blinders off. I Clearly stated that I don't think she has unrealistic expectaions given that she knew she made more money than me and that she's not holding out for a surfer bod becasue I'm a little chunky. I asked an honest quetion. How does a successful attractive women stay single for so long? How the eff is that judging?? Another poster told me to lose weight??

 

I'm not "adamant" about her and yes her status is her perogative but like I said more than once. I made the thread to discuss because when a man here says all a woman needs is not to be huge and she has tons of options the women jump in "Women struggle too" etc. Well here's an example and where the eff are yall now? I'll tell you where you are. "Don't judge her" "Stop obsessing over a woman who rejected you". Some posters gave relaistic reasons and didn't bash me and I appreceate it.

[xxoo]

I made the thread to discuss because when a man here says all a woman needs is not to be huge and she has tons of options the women jump in "Women struggle too" etc. Well here's an example and where the eff are yall now? I'll tell you where you are. "Don't judge her" "Stop obsessing over a woman who rejected you". Some posters gave relaistic reasons and didn't bash me and I appreceate it.

 

I don't understand the confusion. Do you think that, because she has men interested in dating her, getting into a relationship should be easy for her?

 

First of all, not all of the men interested in dating her are interested in a relationship with her. She needs to be able to sort through that first, and it isn't easy. This one issue can make dating difficult for a woman, with a lot of false starts and disappointment.

 

Secondly, not all of the men interested in dating her are men she is interested in dating. Women are attracted to a narrower range of men than men are attracted to women (and this is not just physical!). There are arguably biological reasons for this difference (if a baby is conceived, we need to carry it, birth it, and raise it. the guy can disappear, but we are stuck with his genes forever).

 

Thirdly, just because she (presumably) has single men interested in her, that does not mean all women have single men interested in them.

[truth_seeker]

I've been on my own for a lot longer than I needed to be. I've had quite a few offers but I haven't felt a true connection with these guys. Some of them I just felt were aiming to exploit me and weren't looking for a relationship. Their whole attitude and topics of conversation gave that away.

 

It's not easy to find that connection. It's not just a matter of fancying a guy's body (though guys seem to think that's the main thing).

 

Plus, I have to say, there are some features which seem quite common in guys (not all of course) that are offputting. A classic is poor personal hygiene. Another is talking all the time and not listening. Something else that matters is attitudes to others - insensitivity and cruelty is an enormous turn off. Drinking too much, or smoking, are both turnoffs. Thinking sex or money is the only thing that matters to them is also unattractive. Being married is a massive turnoff too.

 

That leaves very few guys ... sadly.

 

I feel what you're saying as I know women in my extended family who have had the same problem with men. Let me say this though, as a man, I've had my share of shallow women I've encountered.

 

This past year I had a woman string me along and play games with my head. I spoke to her in person, took a leap of faith, opened myself up to her hoping to make a connection and all I got was a proverbial slap in the face. Mind you, this same woman complains she can't find a man who will give her emotional stability and a shoulder to lean on.

 

I'm not married, I don't smoke, I like to listen. I try my best to be considerate of others feelings and respect boundaries. I'm sure some will say it must be my looks. Maybe? She was the one who chased me.

 

The more bad apples out there (both men and women) it's going to be harder to meet genuine good people.

[sweetheart5381]

This is a very silly thread, really.

 

Women stay single because they choose to be. They don't need to answer the question of why.

 

Men stay single because they choose to be. They don't have to answer the question of why.

 

When someone comes along that changes that pov for either gender... well then game on

 

OP, she decided she wanted to be single after seeing you briefly, you did not change that about her... get over it.

[jcrew11]

The answer is:

A lot of woman don't want to sleep around and keep their numbers to a minimum. A lot of woman just want a long-term boyfriend or husband, and aren't willing to settle for a horny one night stand. She doesn't want sex, she wants a husband, and clearly she didn't find you attractive enough physically or in personality.

 

Also, wealthy successful alpha women want other wealthy successful boyfriends/husbands. She's not holding out for a horny loser guy. She's waiting to find a good husband.

 

Lastly, career women are rich and don't need to waste time desperately waiting for single men to take them out for dinner. Successful women DON'T need men at all and are generally happier being single, rather than dealing with a cheating boyfriend who spends all her money. She might have some trust issues from being cheated on, and being emotionally scared. She doesn't want to waste her time in a relationship with a loser guy.

 

She clearly has high, perhaps unrealistic standards. She may have gone out with you as a courtesy since you work together. She was just being nice. It was a mercy date.

[SJC2008]

The answer is:

A lot of woman don't want to sleep around and keep their numbers to a minimum. A lot of woman just want a long-term boyfriend or husband, and aren't willing to settle for a horny one night stand. She doesn't want sex, she wants a husband, and clearly she didn't find you attractive enough physically or in personality.

 

Also, wealthy successful alpha women want other wealthy successful boyfriends/husbands. She's not holding out for a horny loser guy. She's waiting to find a good husband.

 

Lastly, career women are rich and don't need to waste time desperately waiting for single men to take them out for dinner. Successful women DON'T need men at all and are generally happier being single, rather than dealing with a cheating boyfriend who spends all her money. She might have some trust issues from being cheated on, and being emotionally scared. She doesn't want to waste her time in a relationship with a loser guy.

 

She clearly has high, perhaps unrealistic standards. She may have gone out with you as a courtesy since you work together. She was just being nice. It was a mercy date.

 

We didn't work together she was a customer so I don't know if it was a mercy date. It doesn't matter because she did me a favor bc I found out she's not a Christian, a deal breaker for me.

 

I agree that she probably wants to find something serious and I can relate because I haven't met many quality women online. But I figured with her educaton and being an attractive women it wouldn't take 17+ months to find someone.

[Imported]

We didn't work together she was a customer so I don't know if it was a mercy date. It doesn't matter because she did me a favor bc I found out she's not a Christian, a deal breaker for me.

 

I agree that she probably wants to find something serious and I can relate because I haven't met many quality women online. But I figured with her educaton and being an attractive women it wouldn't take 17+ months to find someone.

 

It's been 17+ months for you too.

[Imported]

It's been 17+ months for you too.

 

So are you happily married now?

[SJC2008]

It's been 17+ months for you too.

 

Yes it has and you're kind of on track to where I was going with this. As I stated in the OP. Many men here post that women have it easier and the women jump in and say they don't. I give an IRL example backing these woman up but they jump me and say don't judge, I'm obsessed.You wanna call me obsessed read my hist before you do and back it up with substance. I had one thread about whether or not to call her back then after we first met and that's it. Meanwhile I had about 4-5 threads about one woman about 6-7 months ago and I was never accused of obsessing, exept in the why do I still feel bad thread and that poster didn't mean it in a bad way. I honestly am surprised to see a college educated women who is attractive IMO and sweet finding it this hard to meet someone. Are there no good men? Is she shy? It was an interesting subject as I was and am curious. Someone said it's a silly thread (don't know the thread). Is it silly? We knkw the answers to most posts but post them anyway to kick the idea around. The majority if threads are the same variation but with a different person in a the situation but do you call them silly?

[xpaperxcutx]

We didn't work together she was a customer so I don't know if it was a mercy date. It doesn't matter because she did me a favor bc I found out she's not a Christian, a deal breaker for me.

 

I agree that she probably wants to find something serious and I can relate because I haven't met many quality women online. But I figured with her educaton and being an attractive women it wouldn't take 17+ months to find someone.

 

For the very same reason you find her non- Christianity a dealbreaker, she could be an atheist looking for another atheist. face it, your presuming that because she's rich, successful and goodlooking she's automatically not allowed to be single.

[jcrew11]

Yes it has and you're kind of on track to where I was going with this. As I stated in the OP. Many men here post that women have it easier and the women jump in and say they don't. I give an IRL example backing these woman up but they jump me and say don't judge, I'm obsessed.You wanna call me obsessed read my hist before you do and back it up with substance. I had one thread about whether or not to call her back then after we first met and that's it. Meanwhile I had about 4-5 threads about one woman about 6-7 months ago and I was never accused of obsessing, exept in the why do I still feel bad thread and that poster didn't mean it in a bad way. I honestly am surprised to see a college educated women who is attractive IMO and sweet finding it this hard to meet someone. Are there no good men? Is she shy? It was an interesting subject as I was and am curious. Someone said it's a silly thread (don't know the thread). Is it silly? We knkw the answers to most posts but post them anyway to kick the idea around. The majority if threads are the same variation but with a different person in a the situation but do you call them silly?

 

You're not rich so you won't understand. Poor women are more desperate to find boyfriends to take care of them either financially or emotionally.

 

Rich Men and Rich women are married to their careers and more importantly to their money. There is no way a rich guy or rich woman is giving away half their money to a loser/cheater/gold-digger. Rich people love their money and they don't need anyone else to make them happy, if they don't measure up to their standards. There are a lot more unscrupuplous single men out there who are cheaters, poor, and bad fathers. Successful single women are no longer in a rush to get married. Heck, many of them can have babies via fertilization without needing a undesirable guy.

 

If she is not desperate for a boyfriend and husband, then she's content being single. In NYC, many women marry after 35.

[xxoo]

I honestly am surprised to see a college educated women who is attractive IMO and sweet finding it this hard to meet someone. Are there no good men? Is she shy?

 

You could answer if she is shy. We didn't meet her

 

There are good men, but she won't be attracted to every good man she meets. And they won't all be attracted to her. It takes time, and a bit of luck, to meet someone who will be a great partner. That's normal.

 

The attraction part is a bit harder for women. We aren't as broadly attracted to men as men are to women. An average looking guy can be completely neutral (no urge to kiss him) or can be very HOT! depending on a lot of factors. If she isn't sexually attracted, it doesn't really matter how great of a guy he is. He'll be a great guy for someone else.