Confusedbreakup Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 (edited) Hello and Question: So recently my now ex-boyfriend took a two week road trip with guy friends en-route to a wedding.. Things with us were fine just days before. During his trip he would text me all day and night, sharing pictures and text of his current location. His trip seemed so much fun and I was missing him like crazy. He kept telling me that he loved me and that he couldn't wait to get back. Then out of the blue, three days out of his trip he started acting distant, not writing or calling as much.. I started to sense that something was off with us, as just a day before he was so loving and telling me that had gifts to bring back from each city.. I found myself calling and texting, only to get short answers. I know that most of the trip was spent touring cities, eating out at Restaurants, and bars and clubs. Bars and clubs I was not a fan of, but anyway, he would even text me while he was out at night. As I said everything seemed great but all of a sudden he became uninterested in speaking to me. He texted me finally on his last day away saying we he would be landing back home. Then he was still distant, he had lost all the lovie dovie attitude in exchange for pure coldness. We never got to speak that night, when I asked what was wrong via text, he just said that he was sad, confused, upset but that it wasnt my fault. Next day we speak and he says he wanted to be single and that this trip made him realize this and that he had such a great time and would enjoy being solo and hanging out with friends.And in his cold words, "I don't know what to tell you, it's a feeling I can't control". Utter coldness and annoyance in his voice. He said that on the last days of the trip he just completely forgot about me and that it was a bad feeling.. And that when it was time to come home the day of he had no sense to rush back to see me. No I'm sorry or anything. This has happened two weeks before our 2nd anniversary. We've had our share of ups and downs. I tried calling him again last night to see if we could talk peacefully and nicely. He proceeded to be really nasty, expressing that he wants to find other girls to date and that he is too young to be with one person and that it's gotten old to him. He now wants to be with friends and "sample more girls" so that he knows exactly what he wants. He said I remind him of things that he hates and that there is a lot that he doesnt like about me. He even admitted that he's given away something that he bought me but is trying to get it back to give it to me anyway as well as other gifts he bought. So my question is how could someone youve known this long. vacations, weddings, family get together and all just have such hate for me that he never tells me this in person more so over the phone and refuses to be friendly. Any advice on how to deal with this or make sense of it would be greatly appreciated. Lost:( Edited September 25, 2012 by Confusedbreakup
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 side note: we've been together for 2 years and has a planned trip in two weeks that he doesnt care about losing lots of money over.
youngnlove89 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 How old are the two of you? P.S. I'm really sorry for what you are going through, that must be very emotionally hard to grasp! Love doesn't walk away, people do. Sounds like there might be another girl involved...
MonsterMash Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 He slept with someone on his trip, feels guilty and wanted to leave without you finding out. Simple. Let him go. If he can forget you that quick ...you don't need him.
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 I'm 28 and he's 26. I've pleaded with him to tell me. He wont budge at all. He's just being so nasty.
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 I spoke to him. Pretty much the entire trip.. and he shared one room with 3 other guys.
youngnlove89 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Two out side people looking in can see what you don't see...your mind is clouded right now because you don't want to believe he would do that. You have no idea what people are capable of. You won't allow yourself to accept it because you are afraid of that. It hurts, I know. But more of a reason to let him go and move on now. The reason doesn't matter anymore, it's irrelevant. He broke up with you. The reason why won't help make it any easier. Him breaking up with you = he doesn't want to be with you. That should be enough for you.
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 So he's not just saying that he wants to end it all of a sudden to be truthful? He definitely cheated?
youngnlove89 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 So he's not just saying that he wants to end it all of a sudden to be truthful? He definitely cheated? We can't say he "definitely" cheated, but something happened. And if I were to take a wild guess, I would say that is the case. Go NC! I promise you that will get him thinking. Don't respond, drop him from your life and meet some hot hunk who respects you and would never risk the chance of losing you!!!
ponette Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 that nasty behaviour comes from feeling GUILTY. stop communication with him NOW. what a cowardly jerk he is. i'm so sorry he's treating you that way, but you need to protect yourself and no contact is the way to do it. it'll also have the pleasant side effect of showing him you're not joking and that you respect yourself. keep posting, we're here for you. 1
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 Ponett is see what you're saying. It's Definetly out of character for him. I just never ever expected something (if this is true) to happen. It's boggling my mind because this is someone I speak to from morning till night that's just not saying anything. I feel like I lost a part of my being. We , esp he was so obssesed with each other it was sick. Night and day before bed when we wake up constant contact for nearly two years. He's supposed to be stopping by one day this week to exchange items so we'll see how it goes. Wanted to messenger my things to him but he doesn't want me to do that.
ponette Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 it's so hard..i know. they act like jerks because they know they've done wrong. i understand that people sometimes need to see what else is out there-that's human, but it's best they end things first. unfortunately, it doesn't usually happen that way. if the stuff he has of yours isn't valuable, i'd encourage you to write it off as a loss and go no contact immediately. this guy needs a reality check, and you need to protect yourself. you're gonna do whatever you're gonna do, but i'd encourage you to cut this guy off. i hope you're ok.
ponette Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 and i don't KNOW for sure that he's cheated, obviously, but the scenario and the behavior seems to suggest that strongly. be strong.
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 The Sat before the trip but we made up after an argument And were fine . He even had me stay at his apt the night before his trip, he had sex that night. Woke up and he wanted to cuddle and hold me and kiss me all of next morning. Then he drove me to my work but before that we had breakfast at a diner, we hugged a long time in the car he said I was making him sad because I was emotionAl before he dropped me off and kept insisting that the trip would be over before we knew it and that he'll be back soon. We talked about our anniversary and trips as something to look forward too. Even sent his aunt my name as his guess while on his road trip and let me know that she was so excited that I was a guess because she liked me. So sad it's so hard for me right now. We were that obsessed couple talking day and night ever hour that we chatted at our office online and by phone at least 3 x before we saw each other. I'm afraid I'll never get that kind of love I had from him. He even called me 3:30am our time on his way back from a club on this trip. That's how love sick we were. At least I thought
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 Guest not guess. Sorry about the typos. I'm a mess
ponette Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 no need to apologize; we all know how awful it is. this guy is not treating you with respect, and if you keep coming at him, especially given the emotional condition you're in, he's going to respect you even less. he feels guilty, so sadness and tears, pleading, etc., are only going to cause him to treat you worse. i'm sorry to say that i've been in your spot, and i know how they can be. your silence is your best option for self-preservation. trust me on this one.
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 Im trying really hard. I just feel like there were many instances where i thought we should end things, but he would cry and say that if not over and that we were going to be together forever no matter what. he would cry then we would cry together then work it out.. but this time he's "calling the shots" and instead of like i used to do, forgive him and work on things, he just is being vile and not talking.
ponette Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 the fact that you say you two have broken up so many times says something, doesn't it? now you're upset because HE'S doing the breaking up. welcome to the power struggle. you have GOT to STEP AWAY here. i know it's hard!
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 not upset. we've never really broken up..it was always out of anger. i would say i couldnt do it anymore...we both took it like a joke.. we would immediately go back to just being obsessed with each other. this is a real break up on him and hes not at the least taking my feelings into consideration.. we may have gone maybe one day not speaking with eachother in two years. other than that we would be ok and enjoyed each others time. now im just broken because of his out of character behavior... its like ive never met the guy before and dont know who this person is.
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 his responses to me is dont be sad.. we both need to find other people who we get along with more.. how much more can you get along with--if we're always talking night and day allllll day long. he even talked about the future with me constantly... he even used the phrase "like years from " when we discussed something recently. I even joked "how do you know we will know eachother years from now."
ponette Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 hey...listen...i understand feeling as though you don't know this guy. i haven't heard from mine for six weeks, and we talked averyday for five years! i know it's over because we aren't communicating, and i understand where i went wrong to make him not want to talk to me...BUT..i figured i'd have heard from him by now, something. we've been through a lot. wondering if i'll ever hear from him again is causing me a lot of pain and stress. you never know all of anybody, what they will or won't do. we can only know ourselves.
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 Did your guy cheat?
ponette Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 not this guy, but a man with whom i was involved many years ago DID cheat. it was terribly painful.
Author Confusedbreakup Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear this. I guess I'm not the only one who has gone through this pain. Im trying to remain strong as strong as i know i can be. I just could never see myself without him no matter what.
JustALittleBit Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I just wanted to add that I feel for you and I hope you will be strong. You don't know for sure if he cheated, but I think it's fair to say that something happened that you wouldn't be happy with, and I imagine that is cheating. I don't think it matters how long you've been together, he is treating you like crap now so that is what you respond to. I think we all have a tendency to start making excuses for the person for their behaviour when we love them - "maybe he didn't really cheat and he's just scared about commitment" - that sort of crap. I think it happens especially in the days and weeks immediately after the break up when you're trying to process it. So let whatever goes through your mind go through it, but control your actions! He is treating you like crap and not even communicating and that is the point you walk away. Maybe at some point he will come forward, and then you can decide if you want to hear him out or not, but in the meantime I would go no contact, cut him out and get on with your life. It will be confusing for awhile but in time things will probably fit together. I often think that you also can see tiny things from the past that might get you to your answer without even needing to talk to him. Think specifically in terms of cheating - any phrases he has ever said? Has he ever made concessions for other people when they've done it? Was he comfortable with casual sex before he met you? What are his friends' values? If he's not some upstanding man full of strong convictions or particularly religious, then the tendency to go down that track is far more likely IMO. Anyway, I just think about my own break up and when I really calm down my emotions and think about, all the signs were there. Different scenario, but same basic deal.
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