Why is he doing this to me?? It's taking away all my strength

[HoneyChick]

Hi, I went out with a guy for about a year, who I was madly in love with. Well he cheated on me and we broke up. In retrospect he was a Grade A, classic Commitment Phobe - I only wish I had known at the time. I spent the first month after the break up feeling unimagineable pain, having to face him at work every day.

 

Well, he left for overseas 5 weeks ago. I have been feeling much better, being able to heal without seeing him. He sent me a text message on my birthday last week, but I got it while I was out and didn't reply. He sent another message the day after asking if I received it. I sent back a curt, 'Yes, thank you' - even though I wanted to say so much more!!

 

Well, since then he has messaged me four times saying how much he misses me, begging forgiveness bla bla bla. It has taken all my strength not to reply. I thought I was doing well, moving on without him in my life. I don't know why he keeps contacting me, he is making me miserable. I feel guilty for not replying but know I would feel worse if I did.

 

What is his motive, does anyone understand why he is toying with me like this? I'm so torn, am I being rude by not replying, or will he understand??

[lostindeed]

I think you should at least tell him that you do not wish to contact him. He is probably lonely being overseas and all. Just tell him politely that you do not want to talk to him because it hurts to much. I am sure he will understand so you guys can both move on with your life

[jw32802]

Honey

 

I would just practice apathy. dont respond right away but when you do, just be apathetic, meaning, nothing lovey dovey, nothing mean. let him know you've moved on

 

How many weeks did you go w/ out contacting each other at all?

[ringo]

Personally, if you want nothing to do with him, and you've told him so.... then simply put - change your phone number. He obiviously doesn't get the clue when you tell him not to contact you... that you are done... etc.... so just change your number and be done with it.

[Max Zoom]

Max is thinking that you still have some strong feelings for this guy. Remember that you will choose exactly what you want to choose.

 

Max thinks you have at least two clear choices: One, write him back and tell him in no uncertain terms that he is to stop contacting you. Or two, admit to yourself that you are still in love with him and that you wish to see if giving him a chance would be good for both of you.

 

Max is a romantic and hopes you explore the possibility that the fellow has discovered what a fool he was.

[mronederful]

you may want to just find out what it is he wants. us guys are sometimes brain dead. after a month goes by and the woman doesn't come running back, we begin to wonder why, gee, maybe this time it's for real. and then it hits ya, she's gone you sorry SOB! and then we will do whatever is in our power to try and get her back. i say this from experience, at least listen to what he has to say, then decide if you want to torment him or forgive him. personally i like the torment choice, but then i never had any other option.

[zay]

I feel your pain. Honestly do!

 

Are you still in love with him? it sounds like you are

 

If you can forgive him for what he has done then you should contact him.

 

If you think there is a remote chance that you can continue living happily without him then change your

number and do not call back

 

You are the only one that matters at this moment!

 

Remember he didn't care enough about you to abstain from cheating!

[EC]

I think you still love him and yes he was commitment phobic in the past but that was the "past".

 

I say if you still have feelings which I think you do...don't hold back. Meaning call him back and see what he wants..hear what he has to say..he could be a changed man.

 

But still be cautious..its true that he could just have overseas loneliness.

 

You will never know unless you talk to him. He remembered you b-day girl..give him some points for that! lol

[HoneyChick]

Yes I'm pretty sure it's just a case of him being bored and lonely overseas. I know he cares about me, but not enough to be faithful and loving. He is 33 and has some major abandonment issues and will not have changed enough for be to take him back.

 

But I can't cease contact altogether - the matter is complicated by the fact that he is my boss and we will have to work together when he gets back. Besides, I still like him as a person (just not a boyfriend) and was hoping to keep things civil and friendly.

 

He just needs attention and wants validation that I am still lusting after him, still hopelessly in love with him. He has a new girlfriend yet can't stand the fact that I am ignoring him. Neither can I. I can't hold a grudge, it's just not me, even though I am still so bitter about everything and want to write back - I think you have the wrong number. Are you confusing me with your new girlfriend?

 

Since I posted he has called twice and left two more messages for me. Right now I am thinking it would be just plain rude and obvious not to respond, even though it mucks up my healing process. So what is the perfect text message to send? jw I think you're onto a good thing... An apathetic message. But then what's the point? Oh, so confused! Please help me guys!

[overseas2004]

Um... I like the obviously you must have me confused with your new girlfriend one. You can always be nice to him and civil once he gets back and give him a little jolt now. I like it...

 

Oh and Max darling.... get a life... talking to yourself in the third person is very very weird. You may need help...

[overseas2004]

Originally posted by overseas2004

Um... I like the obviously you must have me confused with your new girlfriend one. You can always be nice to him and civil once he gets back and give him a little jolt now. I like it...

 

Oh and Max darling.... get a life... talking to yourself in the third person is very very weird. You may need help...