Just got dumped. Devestated, just looking for tips.

[phatmatt777]

Well, my girlfriend of 2 years just dumped me two days ago, and the kicker...our 2 year anniversary is supposed to be tomorrow. Guess I better return the gift.

 

So yeah, I'm pretty much a trainwreck at this point, but I'll give you some back story. I'm 20, she's 19, we both go to the same college. We started dating freshman year, and probably to my dismay, I rushed right into it after breaking up with a previous ex. I lost all interest in my ex, and this new girl just sparked something in me. I guess you can say she was my rebound that lasted 2 years.

 

I'll skip ahead 2 years later. I got the typical " I need to search for myself". She said she didn't want to look back on her life and regret not exploring herself as much as she should. I guess she felt tied down, though I always thought of myself as a pretty lax guy, never controlling. She said maybe some day we will find our way back to each other, but this is just something she needs to do. It was a sincere, quiet and calm break up (though with lots of tears). Yikes. I think those are the really serious kind. I respected her wishes, and I tried my hardest to understand and agreed. I guess you can say it was semi-mutual (but it really wasn't, I love this girl to death...I did not want this to happen).

 

It's been 2 days, I initiated no contact. I said unless it's about us, or an emergency, I just can't be around right now. I think she expected me to be her friend through all this, but I just cant. Whats my initial reaction? I want her back, I've never wanted something more in my life. It just doesn't feel right, our relationship had problems...but I always saw my future with her by my side. I'm trying so hard to fight the urge to contact her. I'm already getting into the bad habit of clinging on to the hope that she will come running back to me. I know I need to start moving on, but I want her so bad and I don't want to completely block communication and have her drift away completely.

 

I can tell you, reading all these posts makes me feel so much better, and it really keeps my mind distracted. But I need some serious guidance. I'm going to try and hangout with my friends this weekend and get my mind off things but I know i'm just going to be an empty shell. Is this woman going to come back? Do I need to move on for good or cling onto some hope. Thank you so much if you read this entire thing, any response will really mean alot to me.

[LostOne1]

Well, my girlfriend of 2 years just dumped me two days ago, and the kicker...our 2 year anniversary is supposed to be tomorrow. Guess I better return the gift.

 

So yeah, I'm pretty much a trainwreck at this point, but I'll give you some back story. I'm 20, she's 19, we both go to the same college. We started dating freshman year, and probably to my dismay, I rushed right into it after breaking up with a previous ex. I lost all interest in my ex, and this new girl just sparked something in me. I guess you can say she was my rebound that lasted 2 years.

 

I'll skip ahead 2 years later. I got the typical " I need to search for myself". She said she didn't want to look back on her life and regret not exploring herself as much as she should. I guess she felt tied down, though I always thought of myself as a pretty lax guy, never controlling. She said maybe some day we will find our way back to each other, but this is just something she needs to do. It was a sincere, quiet and calm break up (though with lots of tears). Yikes. I think those are the really serious kind. I respected her wishes, and I tried my hardest to understand and agreed. I guess you can say it was semi-mutual (but it really wasn't, I love this girl to death...I did not want this to happen).

 

It's been 2 days, I initiated no contact. I said unless it's about us, or an emergency, I just can't be around right now. I think she expected me to be her friend through all this, but I just cant. Whats my initial reaction? I want her back, I've never wanted something more in my life. It just doesn't feel right, our relationship had problems...but I always saw my future with her by my side. I'm trying so hard to fight the urge to contact her. I'm already getting into the bad habit of clinging on to the hope that she will come running back to me. I know I need to start moving on, but I want her so bad and I don't want to completely block communication and have her drift away completely.

 

I can tell you, reading all these posts makes me feel so much better, and it really keeps my mind distracted. But I need some serious guidance. I'm going to try and hangout with my friends this weekend and get my mind off things but I know i'm just going to be an empty shell. Is this woman going to come back? Do I need to move on for good or cling onto some hope. Thank you so much if you read this entire thing, any response will really mean alot to me.

I just got dumped a month ago on the week of our 3rd anniversary... it's tough man.

 

I know how it feels. I'm 1 month in with NC and I do fall into those days I want to contact her. But the thing is NC is the only way to heal. If she doesn't contact you and she may NEVER contact you.. you need to be ready for it. NC basically helps you get ready for the worst, which is that she may never come back to you.

 

My guess is she doesn't feel it anymore and giving her space might help her miss you. But it might also allow her to move on with her life. Which is why you need to prepare yourself towards moving on and realizing there is a chance she won't come back.

 

It's hard man I've been struggling for over a month now. But the fact is we can't get someone to love us if well... they don't love us anymore or feel it. Otherwise we would be with someone who is fake and forces themselves to feel something they don't feel. And trust me you don't want that at all.

[phatmatt777]

also, just to clarify. She said she has always loved me, and she always will. and one day she hopes we can be friends. I asked her if she was still IN love with me and she said yes. we even held each other really close during this breakup. So why the breakup? Like I said we had troubles in the past, and we even took a "break" but eventually settled our differences and got back together. It just keeps hitting that tipping point I guess. Whatisgoingon?

[DustyMan]

This is my advice for you based on my experience, and also based on what I've read and heard.

 

If you feel she's worth it you should fight for love once, but ONLY once.

 

IF you decide to do that. DO it only the once. After that, NO pleading, begging etc NONE. If you cant win her(after that 1 fight for your relationship);

PLEASE do this;

Stop ALL contact. Avoid her at all costs do not go to any space she might be to 'accidentally' bump into her.

Do NOT try to win her back Let her go, totally.

Do NOT contact her. DO NOT. If she contact you DO NOT RELY.

DON'T try to be her friend.

You have to totally be out of her life so that she can start to realize hopefully what she has lost.

Do all this for 30 days. If after 30 days you can do this you are winning. Then decide if she is worth it, but from my experience it isn't worth it. If she wants you back she will do anything to have you back. If she doesn't want to do that then move on.

 

As regards the pain you feel now my advice is don't try to fight it, feel it, acknowledge it. You are human. You will feel hurt you will feel rejected it will shake you self esteem confidence to the core but don't try and fight the feelings of hurt etc these will only make them stronger. But those feelings of hurt etc WILL fade. They will.

 

Look after yourself, treat yourself like you would treat a best friend. It's all about you now.

And if you dont get her back it may all be for the best, you WILL love again. YOU WILL and you will recieve much more love in return too.