Gloria25 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Ok, not sure if anyone read one of my previous threads - the one on me "breaking in" my MM so another woman can ride him? Well, I hooked up with him lately and I guess I need to vent and get this off my chest and get some advice cuz I'm just all mixed up. Sometimes I don't know if I'm handling this right.... I made up my mind to give him his space cuz before he divorced he already told me that 'if it wasn't me, he'd be in bed with someone else'...and, after his divorce he told me he didn't see us as a 100% match. Besides, I think the last thing a divorced guy is gonna want is to be tied down with anyone. We chat via e-mail (mostly me initiating) and he's expressed interest in hooking up with me, so of course I wouldn't mind cuz he's handsome, the sex is great, bla bla. But, I try not to open myself up too much cuz he isn't sure if he wants to be with me 100%, but I don't know if I'm giving him too much of a cold shoulder. This time we hooked up, I had problems reaching orgasm and kinda wanted to pull away when we cuddled or hugged. I realize he's going through a lot financially and emotionally. So, I don't ask him for money or anything - especially cuz I feel that I influenced him to make up his mind to go ahead and divorce. So, I'm supportive and patient with him.....But, at the same time I don't want to be a doormat and he ends up riding off in the sunset with someone else. I also think he's still connected somehow with his ex. Not sure if his ego is bruised (the o'l, "we want what we can't have"), cuz they have no kids and he's been with her for so long (almost two decades) - despite the way she's been towards him over the years. Part of me thinks there's something about him that wants to "fix" her and he hasn't let go of that. I mean, IMO, I think he's holding on to getting rid of their assets so he can remain attached to her somehow. IMO, if you're with someone that's treated you so poorly, and you have no kids - why would you hang around for so long? Or, maybe he's lying to me. I mean, we've all heard of the MM with the "woe is me" story. I am still keeping my options open and trying to meet other people, but sometimes I don't know how to handle my interactions with him. Help!!!
MissBee Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I think you should stop hooking up with him. Lots of men use sex as a stress reliever and can gladly have it with someone who has made it clear they are willing, even if they don't really want to be with you. You're the one who initiates contact...that's probably a sign that he is not invested in "this". He will take the sex if it is there to take..why not..but I don't think you should pretend you can have casual sex with him when clearly you can't. You'll only end up "mixed up" and "confused". If he hasn't let go of his relationship, let go of him. Just as much as he's trying to fix her, so are you trying to analyze him. Keep your body to yourself and don't hook up with a man who isn't invested in you, if you actually like him. Date other people and leave him to figure out his life but it sounds like a case of he's simply not that into you. One thing I've learned is that when a man is REALLY into you...there is no question...you know...he makes you aware, you feel secure and you don't have to analyze it 1
carhill Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 OP, what's stopping you from ceasing interaction with him? I mean, there are a lot of good looking guys out there who enjoy sex and are good at it. Is this the 'Cheer's effect', the draw of the familiar? IMO, NC will be the best way to bring balance and health. You'll do what you do; he'll do what he does. If you match up later, then that. If not, then that. It's impossible to will what we want into existence, at least at this point in human evolution. Accept the real. Good luck.
nofool4u Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I realize he's going through a lot financially and emotionally. So, I don't ask him for money or anything Otherwise if he wasn't going through alot, you WOULD ask him for money? But, at the same time I don't want to be a doormat and he ends up riding off in the sunset with someone else. Thats a definite possibility, and one you shouldn't be at all surprised. He is a cheater. I also think he's still connected somehow with his ex. Not sure if his ego is bruised (the o'l, "we want what we can't have"), cuz they have no kids and he's been with her for so long (almost two decades) He probably can't handle the idea of another man having her. Part of me thinks there's something about him that wants to "fix" her and he hasn't let go of that. He wants to fix HER? Did I miss something? She cheat on him? And how would you know how she has been towards him all these years? Because he told you? IMO, if you're with someone that's treated you so poorly, and you have no kids - why would you hang around for so long? Exactly. You do realize that a very probable scenario here is that people who cheat tell the people they are cheating with that their spouse is some sort of piece of crap. Otherwise I wouldn't gather many women would want to hope in bed with a guy that said he had a wonderful marriage. Or maybe they would:o Or, maybe he's lying to me. I mean, we've all heard of the MM with the "woe is me" story. BINGO!!! I am still keeping my options open and trying to meet other people Understandable, but it seems you want it all your way. You don't want him to keep his options open, but you can. Fair enough I suppose, he doesn't deserve any loyalty, but then again, neither do you. 1
whichwayisup Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I made up my mind to give him his space cuz before he divorced he already told me that 'if it wasn't me, he'd be in bed with someone else'...and, after his divorce he told me he didn't see us as a 100% match. Besides, I think the last thing a divorced guy is gonna want is to be tied down with anyone. If someone told me this, I'd exit their life so fast. Why on earth are you hanging onto a man who can't decide who he wants? Either he wants to have a relationship with you and build a life together, grow together or he doesn't. BELIEVE his words! He has told you he doesn't see you as a match for him. Plus, he isn't over his ex. yeah maybe he lied to you..He still loves her and whatever his reasons are, are valid and he doesn't owe you or anybody else an explanation as to why he still cares about his (ex) wife. 1
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I can say, that If someone had said the things to me that this guy had said to you, there'd be no question of how I'd handle my interactions with him. There woudln't be any interactions. We had the same thought on this. Gloria, ask yourself this. If he was just some single guy and treating you like this and had told you he just couldn't see himself with you, not a good match, would you still pursue him? Try to date him? If yes, then there's something very wrong. If no, then apply the above logic to your situation with your MM. Really give it some thought.
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