AsYouWish Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 First off this is the first time I have posted to the forums. I have been reading it constantly as a guest since my break up a few months ago and after a recent series of events I just needed to get some outside and non biased opinions. I will try and keep this as short as possible. My first draft was 6 pages handwritten so I won't go into major detail. I can expand more later if needed. After my break up (he ended things) I had a few rough weeks, crying etc. but I have a great job and a ton of wonderful friends and thus have been doing much better. I chose not to go NC with him because he was always such a positive force in my life and I did not want to cause "drama" instead I just let go of any expectation contact with him would give me. If he asked me for lunch and I was busy I would decline but as time went on we see each other a few times a week to grab food and go to the comic book shop or the bookstore (two interests I do not share with many other friends) and have nice chats about school. We also talk about my art work (I attempt to draw and write comics). We hung out once a night a month ago and did kiss but both agreed it was nice but we were happy in our current situations. All while this has been going on I have been really working on my appearance (I am naturally attractive but never wore much makeup) and bought new flattering clothing after losing some weight. All of this really boosted my confidence and I began to get frequent requests for dates. I figured that I might as well, dates can be fun and I am not looking for anything serious. I have enjoyed some of the dates and I also began going out with my friends a lot on weekends after I get off of work. Instead of wearing jeans and a zelda shirt to a bar I have been styling my hair and wearing attractive dresses. I have been enjoying the results. My ex has noticed this change as well. In the months before our break up I was working two jobs for a total of 60 hours a week and was getting taken advantage of by one of my bosses (I have a very strong work ethic and none of the employees at the restaurant did so I was expected to do everything for no extra pay). My self esteem plummeted from this. I obviously quit that job. The contact from him increased dramatically in frequency. He asked me more and more to go get lunches, offered to pay for them, bought me a few books etc. Nothing romantic really but I think he could feel that I was slipping away from him. In fact, there was one guy I went out with that I clicked with. It won't lead anywhere (we work together) but it was a huge sign that there are other guys out there that I can be attracted to physically and mentally. Now comes the big doozie. Last night The Avengers came out on DVD and The Dark Knight Returns Part 1 animated (an adaptation of the Frank Miller graphic novel not the recent movie) came out on DVD at midnight. My ex and I love midnight releases. It is one of the first things we bonded over back when we were friends before we were dating. He texted me asking if I wanted to watch the two movies together at his house. I did not respond to the text but then at midnight he sent me a picture of the movies in his hand and then called. I caved and went over to his place after he picked me up and bought me jack in the box. As soon as we walked in we danced around like little kids with excitement I forgot all about... anything really. I was just extremely happy. We watched the Batman movie first because he and I had already seen The Avengers in theaters (at midnight of course). The movie was excellent. At some point we began holding hands which I hardly noticed (I REALLY like Batman ha). We put The Avengers in after geeking at the awesome ending of the Batman movie. It was around 2 at this point and we started to snuggle. I fell asleep halfway through the film and after it ended we moved upstairs to sleep. We slept in his bed snuggling. No kissing or any sexual places touched just embracing. At the height of our 2 year relationship we would wake up everyday holding each other for a half hour or so just gazing into each others eyes and nuzzling. We woke up this morning doing the same thing. After awhile though the excitement of the night before faded and I asked to be taken home. I am moving to a new place next week and need to pack. He drove me home and hugged me, kissed my cheek and said he had a great time. I agreed. Yet. Here I am eating doritos in my sweats posting here! I feel a bit confused. My ex is a great guy... but when it comes to relationships even the greatest people can be scumbags. What is your opinion?
Fitnerd Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Damn, why can't find nerdy girls like you! Anyway, may I ask why he ended things? We can't really tell you what to do if we don't know how was your RS and how/why it ended.
Author AsYouWish Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 He started to pull back, not text as much (He was a frequent texter visited me at work etc.) and I felt it. I confronted him and he said that I was continuously stressed because of work and some issues with finances. I felt like I was venting too much and when he was on vacation he was relieved because he didn't have to worry about me. I was living with my parents for most of our relationship and they got married very young. They were having major issues and fights constantly and it was bothering me a lot. He was the person I always turned too and he did not enjoy it. That was at the end and his stated reasons for ending things. Our relationship when it was good was great. We still had other interests but we were in sync with each other. We shared many interests and would spend hours playing games like diablo 3 together, we built computers together, we read books together and went every Wednesday for our new comics. Eventually it progressed to him asking that we move out together. That is when I got a second job to help saving and it was after I got the second job that things went to crap.
Author AsYouWish Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 We were extremely happy until we started rushing things. Everyone around us kept pressuring us to get married etc., and he was planning on proposing but we wanted to wait until we were both financially independent. At a gas station near my house we would get soda from the soda fountain there, he would get diet mountain dew and I would get diet coke (my addiction) we would always steal a kiss while filling up our drinks and he would always joke and say "This is not where I am proposing!" :/ It was such a shame that things went poorly. He was such a great guy.
Fitnerd Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 He started to pull back, not text as much (He was a frequent texter visited me at work etc.) and I felt it. I confronted him and he said that I was continuously stressed because of work and some issues with finances. I felt like I was venting too much and when he was on vacation he was relieved because he didn't have to worry about me. I was living with my parents for most of our relationship and they got married very young. They were having major issues and fights constantly and it was bothering me a lot. He was the person I always turned too and he did not enjoy it. That was at the end and his stated reasons for ending things. Our relationship when it was good was great. We still had other interests but we were in sync with each other. We shared many interests and would spend hours playing games like diablo 3 together, we built computers together, we read books together and went every Wednesday for our new comics. Eventually it progressed to him asking that we move out together. That is when I got a second job to help saving and it was after I got the second job that things went to crap. Hmm bad bad sign. I know that I would stick by my gf if she was stressed... Of course the good times will be good, but it's during the bad times that you can judge how much a person actually loves you. Any reason you think that will change now?
Author AsYouWish Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 I have had a few friends of mine agree with your statement and advise me in the same way. However, I was not managing my stress correctly and was using him as a crutch. I was allowing on of my jobs to take over all of me (this was a minimum wage restaurant job) and instead of working out or drawing or any other stress relieving activity I allowed myself to wallow in it and basically begged for reassurance from him. He tried for months to pull me out of it and I just wouldn't listen. I am almost thankful that he finally pulled away because I didn't realize how unhappy I was. It made me take action and pull myself together. My concern is that perhaps he really couldn't be there for me because he can't "be there" for anyone.
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