ringo Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 [color=blue][/color] I sit here in my bed, as I have for days, knowing I need help. I found this site, and thought I would tell me story in seek of advice from outsiders. My H and I have been married almost 5 years. I just found out that when he came back from the war and went home to visit family, that he had an affair with a widow that he met at a bar. The following night he had an affair with his sister's best friend (whom is like a second daughter to his mom) in his mother's home. She got pregnant and gave birth to his child in June. He was planning a trip home alone for 3 weeks without me and the kids... to be with her for the delivery... she just happened to deliver early. While he was home, I told him I was going to call or write a letter to her because I didn't understand their relationship. All the years of our marriage they never called each other, then suddenly it was calling several times a week. Well... he confessed. I told him he could stay there and we'd file for divorce or he could come home immediately and work on our marriage. He came home the next day. We called upon the Chaplain and his wife and my husband claimed he told me all of the truth. The next day something told me to go through his things... (we have seperate bank accounts) in which I found a transcation to a hotel. He said he stayed there alone because he was drunk.... later, truth came out that he had an affair with another woman. He got a DUI one night and had a woman with him at the time... later he came clean that he also had sexual relations with her.... Too many other women to count.... and it doesn't matter anymore. The worse is knowing he's had unprotected sex and now has a child with another woman.... the worst of all is the 10 months of lying to me. He claims he's turning to God. He's quit drinking and is continueing to talk with the Chaplain and his wife.... which is good I think. However.... 3 times now he swore to God, on the lives of our children he was telling me all of the truth.... when he wasn't. I ended up having a severe panic attack in which he came clean about more..... Point blank, I love my husband and I want our marriage to work. He's signed over rights to this other child and has told his family he wants nothing to do with any of them because of the way they treat me. They would rather him divorce me and be with this other woman. He has no feelings for this other woman. It was a one night stand and he never say her again until he went home after she had the baby. He said the phone calls were to check on her and that was it. I'm mad that this woman, whom was a close friend of mine never called or wrote a letter to apoligize to me. I'm mad that his whole family knew she was preganant when we were home at x-mas and still no one ever told me nor did they pressure him to tell me. I can't trust my husband... I've lost my family... and I don't know what to do other than hide out in this bedroom and take prescription drugs the doctor gave me to help me sleep. I don't eat... I've gone from 114 to 102 in a week.... I don't deserve any of this.... I want an apology from his family, these other woman.... all of them, but I know I'm not going to get it. I can never go back there to see any of them again knowing all of this has happened.... I love my husband.... but when I look at his lips, his hands, see him naked.... all I picture are these other woman touching him and doing things to him.... it plays over and over in my mind. We hardly talk.... we are seeking couseling with the Chaplain and it helps for a while... a few hours or a day... and then I'm back in hybernation..... I don't know what to do. My mother told me to stop digging for more information. Forget the past and go forward. I told her if I do that then the next time it won't be a child, that I'll be dying of Aids... her reply was, "Well then he'll just have to live with that.".... so not much support there either. My friends all say to leave him... but I'm a house wife, he's in the military and I have no financial means of leaving and no where to go.... with 3 children.... plus, deep down I don't want to leave - but I know I deserve better.
Vie Posted July 26, 2004 Posted July 26, 2004 Hi Ringo, I'm sorry to know what you have been going through. I can only imagine how difficult your life is right now. I got one thing to tell you though that I think you need to move on. You might love your husband very much, but you need to ask yourself if he loves you just as much. I think what he had done to you was so unfair and disrespectful; Moreover, using "I was drunk" excuse.. that's so lame. You seem like a pretty smart lady and you probably couldn't think straight right now. One thing for sure, you need to let go. Your husband isn't the same man you married 5 years ago (sorry to say, but if he really loves you, he wouldn't hurt you over and over again.) What he had done was so horrible and you surely do NOT deserve any of it. And I quoted from your post: "I can't trust my husband... I've lost my family... and I don't know what to do other than hide out in this bedroom and take prescription drugs the doctor gave me to help me sleep. I don't eat... I've gone from 114 to 102 in a week.... I don't deserve any of this.... I want an apology from his family, these other woman.... all of them, but I know I'm not going to get it. I can never go back there to see any of them again knowing all of this has happened...." Grant it, living in military is tough, but that doesn't mean what he had done to you is justifiable. There are thousands of military men, but does it mean they are allowed to cheat on their wives? I understand things will change pretty drastically if you end the relationship, but I personally think this is the best thing to do. Would be good for you and also your kids. You wouldn't want your kids to go through this too, right? 'Cause that would be so unfair for them. As for the financial support, you can still get it even though you are divorced, right? Afterall, they are his kids too. There is no use to feel sorry for yourself, laying in bed feeling helpless and brokenhearted. You need to get up, be strong and face it. Show him and everyone that you're stronger than they think. You don't need any doctor's prescription either, because you are not weak, Ringo. Tons of women in this world are going through the same problem as you, probably even worse.. (I know one of my friends are like that too) but she managed to overcome it. I'm sure you can too. So, with all that said.. I agree with your friends. Leave him.. you deserve better. Take care Ringo and be strong. *~Vie~*
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