TheDovic Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 My break up happened 15 months ago and this past month I've really been missing her again. Want to feel like I'm not crazy for still feeling like this after such a long period of time! Soooooo... Anyone else this long into their break up and still missing their ex?
Hobbit Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 For me its only been a few months, I do miss her but Im more excited about starting a new chapter in my life. To be honest, my ex before (back in 2003), it took me nearly 3 years to get over her.
Author TheDovic Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 Thanks Hobbit, maybe I'm not crazy then! Your ex from before then... u got over her in the end?
yuppup Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Don't fret. With the ex before the most recent one, I thought I'd never get over her. It took me about 4 years. Or maybe more like 3. I think I was just so used to missing her that once I really thought about it, I realized I was over it. You'll get to that point eventually. =) 1
Hobbit Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Thanks Hobbit, maybe I'm not crazy then! Your ex from before then... u got over her in the end? Yes, eventually. It was my first proper BU and she dumped me on Christmas day by text, no explination, and went no contact on me. Needless to say I was a mess for a very very long time One of the things getting me through the current BU is that I know I'll find love again one day, I know because I have done it before. But thats not to say that I dont miss her, I do, but Im a stronger person than I used to be in my 20s. I guess its all one big learning process 1
Author TheDovic Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 Thanks guys, you've put a smile back on my face!
Jingle14 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 15 months here too, and also missing him desperately. I broke no contact in July, when I sent him a text to say I hoped he was able to be with his daughter that day (it was her birthday). I got a reply. I then sent him an email last week to share something that was relevant - not expecting a reply, but I got one, a really nice, warm and friendly one (saying I didn't need to remind him of where a certain place was, as I had done in the email). He put a question at the end, nothing of importance, and I replied in the same tone as his message but got nothing back. And then I bumped into him on Saturday while I was sat in the sun outside a cafe having coffee with a friend. He walked past, with his daughter thank God, and not the one who replaced me, and half smiled and waved. I waved back. And now all I can think about is him. He looked amazing, sadly. I miss him. And yes I know having contact is the worse thing possible and mostly I don't at all and I go out of my way to avoid seeing him, but he is still never out of my mind, no contact or otherwise.
Jingle14 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Don't fret. With the ex before the most recent one, I thought I'd never get over her. It took me about 4 years. Or maybe more like 3. I think I was just so used to missing her that once I really thought about it, I realized I was over it. You'll get to that point eventually. =) I do hope so, and I'm glad for you, but 4 years?! I hope against hope because the last 15 months have been Hell that it won't take that long for me. Right now though, it feels like it will be forever.
NoMoreJerks Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 My break up happened 15 months ago and this past month I've really been missing her again. Want to feel like I'm not crazy for still feeling like this after such a long period of time! Soooooo... Anyone else this long into their break up and still missing their ex? Almost 2 weeks. We're supposedly back together, but he's out of the country at the moment so I can't really tell what's gonna happen. By the looks of it, though, it's not gonna work any better than it did last time. He still wants to do the same things he wanted to do (travel to Thailand, ogle other women in front of me, talk about threesomes, etc.). I don't miss him -- I miss the good times we had together initially (the first month we were together). I miss the guy I thought I was dating, not the guy I was ACTUALLY dating. I really couldn't care less if this doesn't work out. I gave it anotehr shot despite all the mean things he did to me, and at the end of the day, it's his fault. 1
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 By the looks of it, though, it's not gonna work any better than it did last time. if you are not 100% in at this point then you should be 100% out, anything else will just drop the hammer of pain on you. you know this already though. what are you doing?? and at the end of the day, it's his fault. uhh no. you let him in? then its on you 1
NoMoreJerks Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 if you are not 100% in at this point then you should be 100% out, anything else will just drop the hammer of pain on you. you know this already though. what are you doing?? Giving him a second chance , to prove that he has changed. It was an abusive relationship, and he has issues. Common sense would say I should stay the heck away from him, but he kept texting me from random numbers, and calling me. I'm giving this one last shot. If he ****s up, he ****s up, and I'm walking. I'm 100% in, but that doesn't mean I will take more abuse; so, that 100% depends on HIM, and how much HE is "in". That was my point. As for what I meant when I said I don't care if it doesn't work out: I meant that I'm not going to cry my eyes out like I did 2 weeks ago. I was traumatized, and these past 2 weeks I've been trying to process the trauma and shield myself from the same type of pain in the future. Sure, I will be disappointed, etc., but I will move on and just tell myself that it wasn't meant to be. There's nothing more I can do at this point, really. uhh no. you let him in? then its on you Really? If he ****s up after I give him a second chance, it's my fault? I don't see it that way.
CopingGal Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Broke up 14 1/2 months ago and I stand by my decision. The last thing I need is a shelfish, childish creep screwing with my life. 1
CopingGal Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Giving him a second chance , to prove that he has changed. It was an abusive relationship, and he has issues. Common sense would say I should stay the heck away from him, but he kept texting me from random numbers, and calling me. I'm giving this one last shot. If he ****s up, he ****s up, and I'm walking. I'm 100% in, but that doesn't mean I will take more abuse; so, that 100% depends on HIM, and how much HE is "in". That was my point. As for what I meant when I said I don't care if it doesn't work out: I meant that I'm not going to cry my eyes out like I did 2 weeks ago. I was traumatized, and these past 2 weeks I've been trying to process the trauma and shield myself from the same type of pain in the future. Sure, I will be disappointed, etc., but I will move on and just tell myself that it wasn't meant to be. There's nothing more I can do at this point, really. Really? If he ****s up after I give him a second chance, it's my fault? I don't see it that way. You are setting yourself up big-time. Unless this person has gone through extensive therapy and has put a lot of time into it, he probably will abuse you again. Has it only been 2 weeks since the break up? Serious, you need to stay away from this person. IF he kept texting you from random numbers and calling, after you broke up to the point that he was harassing you, he may be unstable. Do yourself a favor and stay away. Seriously, why jump back into a relationship with a person that is abusive? You need to examine why and maybe consider therapy for yourself. Take care of you. 2
Author TheDovic Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 Whoa loads of replies. I love this site because every time I feel I'm going nuts it reminds me I'm just going through a tough time. @Jingle14 u don't need a lecture from me, but in my experience it seems times are a lot tougher when we don't have contact. One day you'll have the strength to stop contacting him but that day might not be today! I started NC months and months ago and have generally been happy... until she finds an excuse to contact me. When that happens I go downhill for a few weeks, but life is suffering at times, so I accept this will keep happening from time to time. Doesn't make it any easier though! @Nomorejerks good luck but I don't have high hopes for things changing. I work with people in abusive relationships from time to time (I'm a social worker) and from experience have learned that a leopard does not change it's spots. It's up to you to learn this however and Loveshack is always here for support. @Copinggirl great reply and I'm happy you're so strong about your breakup. Long may it continue for you!! Thanks for the replies
Gulf-Delta Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 It will be 8 months in 4 days. I still feel like hell every single day.
Coffee20 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 5 months and 14 days, I still think about him a lot, I have very low moments but also moments when I feel quite fine (but still not happy enough), it's half and half
NailBiter Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Next friday it will have been 2 years. I still feel like **** whenever I think her which happens all the time. ****.
Mike_d Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Giving him a second chance , to prove that he has changed. It was an abusive relationship, and he has issues. Common sense would say I should stay the heck away from him, but he kept texting me from random numbers, and calling me. I'm giving this one last shot. If he ****s up, he ****s up, and I'm walking. I'm 100% in, but that doesn't mean I will take more abuse; so, that 100% depends on HIM, and how much HE is "in". That was my point. As for what I meant when I said I don't care if it doesn't work out: I meant that I'm not going to cry my eyes out like I did 2 weeks ago. I was traumatized, and these past 2 weeks I've been trying to process the trauma and shield myself from the same type of pain in the future. Sure, I will be disappointed, etc., but I will move on and just tell myself that it wasn't meant to be. There's nothing more I can do at this point, really. Really? If he ****s up after I give him a second chance, it's my fault? I don't see it that way. lol, your monkey mind is pulling some nice rationalization. as others have noted, people don't change in 2-3 weeks. you do care, you will care, you will hurt, you will start the cycle all over again ala groundhog day if you are incorrect. and I'd call bs that you don't care. if you didn't care you wouldn't be doing something that flies in the face of reason. you care. a bunch. this is on you since you chose to open the door to another chance for a guy that 'traumatized' you, instead of facing up to reality. people, like myself, in this level of pain are like addicts. your addict brain/monkey brain is trying to do whatever it takes to make the pain go away/get the next hit. but in the end I do hope it works out for you, seriously. nobody deserves to be in the pain that you stand the chance to feel 1
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 My break up happened 15 months ago and this past month I've really been missing her again. Want to feel like I'm not crazy for still feeling like this after such a long period of time! Soooooo... Anyone else this long into their break up and still missing their ex? I'll be 3 years broken up in Feb. By June it'll be 3 years NC. I bought the new Mumford & Sons album yesterday and listened to it on the way into work this morning. I found myself bypassing my work and walking for half an hour (I called in and said I was running late) why? Because I bought Mumford & Sons first album when my ex dumped me. And I was so hooked on it for months. Listening to the new album, I was reminded of all those difficult nights, all the drunken states I got into, all the staring at my phone praying she would call. So today I relived it, to see where I am now and how I feel. How do I feel? I still love her. Still miss her a bit. Wouldn't go back to her. Wouldn't have her in my life again. At the start I just wanted to stop feeling for her. Everyone said it would take time which, for me anyway, wasn't true. I'll never stop having some kind of feeling, I don't think. In the same way that my mother misses my grandmother but still laughs, still lives. You mourn the death of a relationship you cared about and then you move on, but it never stops meaning something to you. At least not to me anyway.
CopingGal Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Whoa loads of replies. I love this site because every time I feel I'm going nuts it reminds me I'm just going through a tough time. @Copinggirl great reply and I'm happy you're so strong about your breakup. Long may it continue for you!! Thanks for the replies Thanks a bunch. I do have weak days when I want to contact him and tell him off again. But I don't. Somehow I find the strength to not contact him because I know that there is absolutely nothing that fool can do for me but hurt me some more. That is what keeps me away from him. 1
Jingle14 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I'll be 3 years broken up in Feb. By June it'll be 3 years NC. I bought the new Mumford & Sons album yesterday and listened to it on the way into work this morning. I found myself bypassing my work and walking for half an hour (I called in and said I was running late) why? Because I bought Mumford & Sons first album when my ex dumped me. And I was so hooked on it for months. Listening to the new album, I was reminded of all those difficult nights, all the drunken states I got into, all the staring at my phone praying she would call. So today I relived it, to see where I am now and how I feel. How do I feel? I still love her. Still miss her a bit. Wouldn't go back to her. Wouldn't have her in my life again. At the start I just wanted to stop feeling for her. Everyone said it would take time which, for me anyway, wasn't true. I'll never stop having some kind of feeling, I don't think. In the same way that my mother misses my grandmother but still laughs, still lives. You mourn the death of a relationship you cared about and then you move on, but it never stops meaning something to you. At least not to me anyway. But do you think the dumpers look back and remember too in any way?
Author TheDovic Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 @Gulf-Delta sorry to hear things are still bad, but if it's any consolation i'm a lot better now than I was after 8 months, so maybe time does weaken the feelings! @Coffee20 glad to hear you're having good days as well as bad. In my experience the good days really start to outnumber the bad, but there will always be relapses like mine at present. It's about knowing this is going to happen from time to time! @Hindsightis2020 & Coffeeloverx it's early days so keep looking for support on here! @Nailbiter was there ever a time when you felt as though you were improving or has this been constant for you? I have thought about my ex constantly since we broke up but I recognise how much easier things have become. If not have you considered speaking to someone about your feelings? I went to a CBT therapist which helped so much! @Mike_d I see your Monkey Mind comment and it is sooo true. It's almost as if our own minds are programmed to work against us! Ever try mindfulness meditation (as I think monkey mind is a buddhist term). I did it for a few months and I felt terrific. All of my problems disappeared, but then I stopped it again and gradually things returned to normal. I've been doing it again this past few days and once again my mood has changed and I feel content and happy. For the sake of ten mins per day I think I'll try and keep it up! @theunknownthought I think what has happened to you is very similar to what happened to me. I think these feelings will always be there but aren't always at the surface, which is good as we can get on with out lives. However sometimes the glass is stirred and the dirt at the bottom floats around and muddys the water. In your case it was being reminded of your ex through music, whilst in mine it was her showing up at my house. Soon the dirt will float to the bottom of the glass again though and the water will be clear for another while. @Copinggal keep up the good work. You're setting an example for the rest of us which is really important.
Author TheDovic Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 But do you think the dumpers look back and remember too in any way? I really do! The way my ex looks at me when she sees me isn't a look you just give to anyone. There is a lot of pain in her eyes and she frequently cries when speaking to me. My point is if the relationship had good times then it's likely your ex remembers them and misses them. My relationship was a mess, but when I think back it's the good times which have strong emotions linked to them, therefore these memories are more potent. I think people are predisposed to remembering the good times even if they were in the midst of hell. Think back to your childhood. Your family may have been broken, you may have been bullied, but I bet the first thing you think about are happy carefree times!
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