boston1212 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Hi Everyone, I would like to get some advice on my situation. Any advice you can give would be great. The brief on our story is that we dated for 6 months then found out she was pregnant. We broke up for a couple weeks during her pregnancy because she couldn't see us together in the future. After we got back together, things were great. We moved in together, had the baby, bought a house, then I proposed last November and have been married since (kinda). Last week, she said that I wasn't the one and that we should part ways. She said that she has been thinking about this for a while and tried to make it work but the love isn't there. She can't give me what I want and vice versa. I know that we hadn't had the best love for eachother. We have given our 3 year old all that we have. He has been the center of our world and her and I never had the chance to work on ourselves. A couple nights ago, I mistakenly accused her of an emotional affair. I know that she is a flirty person and likes to be social. She has a boss that is a little older than her and there is a group of 5 of them that group text eachother alot. She's not that kind of person but I was going crazy. After that she decided to give me back her wedding ring because she felt guilty wearing it because I bought it w/ my money. So today, I am moved out, have her ring and she wants a divorce. My questions is, should I just move on or hope that she is not thinking things through and have hope for our marriage. We get along good and have had great memories. She is a quick thinker and acts w/o thinking sometimes and also needs control of situations. What should I do??? Any help on here would be really appreciated!
loveunlimited Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 You will always have a connection with her because of your child. My knee-jerk response therefore is go ahead with the divorce, be good and kind to one another give each other breathing space and see where life takes you, if it's back together good, if you both find peace of mind and happiness elsewhere also good. But look after that kid responsibly, like there's no tomorrow. the child is very important to you both - anyone can be a parent, but you have to work to be a mother/father. work at it. be respectful of the child's mum and enjoy life. believe me when I tell you it's far too short to try flogging a dead horse to keep it trotting along.
so_difficult Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I don't know exactly what your relationship is or where it could move, but breaking up when your child is 3 is sooooooo much easier than waiting. At this age they just accept they're situation for whatever it is. Later on they are much more invested in the family unit.
GuyInLimbo Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Sounds like things were un-naturally rushed due to her becoming pregnant. I think it's best to amicably part ways now and allow each other to find true love while taking the best care of your child.
standtall Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Boston..normally women with minor children don't walk away from marriage unless 1. Someone's cheating...emotionally of physically 2. Physical/mental abuse 3. Drug/alcohol issues 4. Mental illness but, in your case maybe she is cutting her losses....but I doubt it. There is another male there somewhere waiting in the wings....look for him.
riverratt Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I is hard to give advise for me. If you both haven't taken time to talk about things and be honest about them, a knee jerk reaction to bust up the family is a mistake. Counseling, what ever. I do think that people throw in the towel to fast many times. My marriage is the fourth one to bust up in my family, to include hers. Every one one of the dumpers wish they hadn't left. Oh, it took a few years for a couple of them to realize it but they all did. Don't let a bump in the road cause a wreck. The OP's are giving great advise but don't make decisions when you are emotional. Whether it be mad or sad.
Ami1uwant Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Boston..normally women with minor children don't walk away from marriage unless 1. Someone's cheating...emotionally of physically 2. Physical/mental abuse 3. Drug/alcohol issues 4. Mental illness There is a ton of other reasons...this may have been the case for parents in the 70s but not today. It appears they got married because of the child. It seems for whatever reason she isn't feeling it for him. Why..I don't know. There are other issues in play here and I don't think there is something with another guy going on.
standtall Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 (edited) There is a ton of other reasons...this may have been the case for parents in the 70s but not today. . Not really..heck in the 70's, wives would stick around for anything other than finding a lover themselves....besides I don't speak in absolutes about human behavior....there are always exceptions. If you read here like I have, then those reasons cover the vast majority cases of women with minor children walking out. But, I will leave you to your opinion as I expect you to leave me to mine. Edited September 26, 2012 by standtall
Author boston1212 Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Well, the last few days have had its shares of ups and downs. At this point, she is just friendly towards me. I've let go of the past and attempting to convince her we can make it work. I have decided to move on with my life and focus on myself. If she doesn't think I'm the one then that's on her. I'm not going to soak in my own self pity. I am going to re-energize myself and pursue things and goals that I've been putting off. Its a difficult decision but one that has to be done I guess in order to move forward. 1
GorillaTheater Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I've let go of the past and attempting to convince her we can make it work. I have decided to move on with my life and focus on myself. If she doesn't think I'm the one then that's on her. I'm not going to soak in my own self pity. I am going to re-energize myself and pursue things and goals that I've been putting off. Its a difficult decision but one that has to be done I guess in order to move forward. Whether you know it or not at this point, there is absolutely no better way you could be handling this. 2
riverratt Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Whether you know it or not at this point, there is absolutely no better way you could be handling this. +1. Keep that attitude even when it may not be easy too.
Author boston1212 Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 Thanks for the support everybody! I am currently meeting w/ a therapist weekly. Its only been a couple weeks thus far and she's made me open my eyes and start to feel alive again. You see when I was with her, I kind of lost myself. She's a strong personality and I've finally accepted that I was mildly depressed; not a good combo. Through adjusting my thinking, I'm starting to regain my own life and do things proactively rather than reactively. For the first time in a long, long time, I feel like I can accomplish things that make me happy! I wish I tackled this sooner but the experience (separation) has allowed me to step back and tackle my own personal issues.
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