AustenLover Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 So I met my ex for coffee yesterday after 6 weeks of NC (except to exchange stuff), and it was weird. I was already there studying, and surprisingly, he was on time (he is a chronically late person). He also bought me a coffee before he saw me, which I found a little strange. We talked for about 45 mins., mostly about classes, etc. We joked around a bit, and at one point he reluctantly asked me about jobs and sounded a little too excited when I told him about my new job. (He broke up with me two days before interview, and a mutual friend told me he felt super guilty about it after the fact. It wasn't something he had planned. We had been fighting a lot and the fight we had that day ended in the break up.) A couple times I thought I saw him looking at me the way he used to (girls, you probably know what I mean). After we left, he said that it was really nice catching up with me, and he looked like he didn't know whether or not to hug me. I just said, "See ya, [his name]," and turned and walked away. I feel like I went into this with so many questions in terms of why he wanted to meet up, and the only answers I got were 1) yes, I'm still in love with him (damnit!), and 2) I'm pretty sure he still loves me (from the way he looked at me). I know I need to move on, but the question of why he wanted to see me is plaguing me. Did he just feel guilty and want to make sure I'm ok? There are plenty of mutual friends he could have asked to find that out. Also, this was something he had been insisting on since he first broke up with me. Like, as he was packing up his stuff, he said we should meet up in a couple weeks to talk (and of course said that he would miss me until then). Then, when he dropped my stuff off, he asked if we could meet up in a week or two for coffee. I told him no, but then caved a week later, and we arranged to meet yesterday. So my question for everyone is essentially WHY? I should also add that this morning I sent him an email "Hey. Thanks for the coffee. It was nice catching up with you, too."
geegirl Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 So I met my ex for coffee yesterday after 6 weeks of NC (except to exchange stuff), and it was weird. I was already there studying, and surprisingly, he was on time (he is a chronically late person). He also bought me a coffee before he saw me, which I found a little strange. We talked for about 45 mins., mostly about classes, etc. We joked around a bit, and at one point he reluctantly asked me about jobs and sounded a little too excited when I told him about my new job. (He broke up with me two days before interview, and a mutual friend told me he felt super guilty about it after the fact. It wasn't something he had planned. We had been fighting a lot and the fight we had that day ended in the break up.) A couple times I thought I saw him looking at me the way he used to (girls, you probably know what I mean). After we left, he said that it was really nice catching up with me, and he looked like he didn't know whether or not to hug me. I just said, "See ya, [his name]," and turned and walked away. I feel like I went into this with so many questions in terms of why he wanted to meet up, and the only answers I got were 1) yes, I'm still in love with him (damnit!), and 2) I'm pretty sure he still loves me (from the way he looked at me). I know I need to move on, but the question of why he wanted to see me is plaguing me. Did he just feel guilty and want to make sure I'm ok? There are plenty of mutual friends he could have asked to find that out. Also, this was something he had been insisting on since he first broke up with me. Like, as he was packing up his stuff, he said we should meet up in a couple weeks to talk (and of course said that he would miss me until then). Then, when he dropped my stuff off, he asked if we could meet up in a week or two for coffee. I told him no, but then caved a week later, and we arranged to meet yesterday. So my question for everyone is essentially WHY? I should also add that this morning I sent him an email "Hey. Thanks for the coffee. It was nice catching up with you, too." Dumpers feel remorse too and deal with the detachment in their own way. Some do this to alleviate their guilt in that if you seem normal and accepting, it takes the weight off their shoulders. It's essentially letting them know it's okay and that they're still the good guy. I wouldn't place any significance on the way he looked at you. My ex looked at me the same way, even after he cheated. At the end of the day, he's choosing not to be with you. A look doesn't change the fact that you both remain broken up. 2
TopCat22 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Interesting. It could be nothing other than guilt as geegirl says, or it could be that he is interested again. The thing is, once you've broken up it makes it quite awkward from both sides. He's not going to come charging in telling you he loves you and please can you get back together. Play it cool. See if you can gradually build up communication and meet again and see how things go. At some point you'll both feel better about being around each other and then you can address it and see if he still has feelings and wants to try again. Be prepared for a No though. Tough game to play, but if you really feel like trying then it's worth the risk.
flitzanu Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 maybe things aren't working out with the new girl he's plowing, so he's checking out his backup plan. 1
Author AustenLover Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 I mean, I love him more than I've ever loved anyone, but I don't think I can play this game anymore. I asked for him about a week after we broke up (on the phone, we were both crying, albeit me significantly more), and he said no because he just didn't think things were going to get better. Even if my "plan" were to get him back, I'd have nothing to do but wait for a reply to my email thanking him, and to be honest, I kind of doubt he'd reply anyway.
Author AustenLover Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 So just when I thought I'd never hear from him again, he replies to my lasts email saying "Thanks, It was nice," said he found more of my stuff (he already brought back my stuff a couple weeks ago), and asked if I wanted him to bring it over at some point. How should I respond?
flitzanu Posted October 1, 2012 Posted October 1, 2012 by simply speaking to this person, you are allowing him to ruin your life and keep you on the backburner. you need to cut him out completely and stop torturing yourself. 1
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