robaday Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Is it ever ok to ask for reassurance as a man? the last time I tried, it pretty much ended the relationship....Im actually scared to do that again Im pretty secure person, always give people the benefit of the doubt. Especially in early stages, I dont really think jealousy has any place, and I dont pry until the question comes up about dating others. But this last girl has really got to me. She was asking for reassurance, while she ignored my call, and had told me she had doubts.....
todreaminblue Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Is it ever ok to ask for reassurance as a man? the last time I tried, it pretty much ended the relationship....Im actually scared to do that again Im pretty secure person, always give people the benefit of the doubt. Especially in early stages, I dont really think jealousy has any place, and I dont pry until the question comes up about dating others. But this last girl has really got to me. She was asking for reassurance, while she ignored my call, and had told me she had doubts..... i think it is ok to ask fro reassurance it doesnt show a lack of confidence it shows that you are honest with what you are feeling to me......anyway.....it shows that youa re confident not only to feel secure but admit insecurity....that takes a lot more confidence to do actually....much easier to keep insecurities hidden and not admit they are there as most people view them as weakne4ss....i view them as being human......but then i have trouble sharing them ......i do ask however when i am insecure, if it is a person i trust and who i know understands me...it is not easy for me to open up it has to be someone i trust implicitly.deb
kae Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 the funny thing about relationships is that usually when one person needs something both people actually need it. Yes reassurance is ok to need but because relationships are about power dynamics too, its not a good idea to ask for with words. I think the best you can do is be consistent and open. For you, this means when she comes around answer your phone .. when hanging out .. do it regularly but not everyday. I think slow and steady is the way to go. I she starts having doubts u need to stay steady and if you start having doubts she should be able to take over and be steady.. whoever is crazier at the time .. has to have an opposite party.. secure and grounded. I know i sad that people usually need the same thing at the same time but with behaviours you can see who needs it more.. and so right now she needs it more. But to ask for reassurance while both of you are insecure only feeds the insecurity more. Some needs to pretend the know without a doubt that its working. i hope it works out..
bob the brave Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 You have to be honest with yourself about your goals with this relationship. Then, at some point, when it feels right to you, you must tell her what you want. If you are in sync great, if not you have saved each other a lot of time. That is, don't put it as asking for reassurance. Tell her what you are looking for in a relationship. Don't ask for anything. I know one guy that asked this on the first date. They've been married 15 years and have 3 kids.
thatone Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 But this last girl has really got to me. She was asking for reassurance, while she ignored my call, and had told me she had doubts..... part of being a secure person is not bowing down to power/control games. she wants to ignore calls? don't call, let her call you.
Recommended Posts