Am313 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 (edited) So, my ex dumped me about 3 weeks ago. Actually, she dumped me about a month before that, but she begged me back and after a few weeks I let her come over and try and talk it out. Within a couple days the same problems started again. Fights,she's cold and distant, me being needy. We were together for about a year, pretty intense relationship. Great chemistry, emotions, lots a love, best friends, saw each other literally every day (a problem..). I've been in NC ever since. So has she. We've ran into each other twice at the bar. The first time I ignored her, the second time we exchanged a simple hello after catching ourselves looking at each other all night. Anyways, it's her birthday in a few days, and I'm not exactly sure what to do. Am I hurting? No, not really - the wonders of NC. Do I miss her? Yes, at times it's fairly intense. Would I like to get back together? Pretty much, yeah. Now, I don't want to say anything at all, but I guess it would be a game of some kind (in the same way NC is kind of a game). However, I don't want her to think I'm bitter (although every now and then I feel that way). Not sure if I should send a simple card in the mail, or do nothing at all. What do you guys think? Edited September 25, 2012 by Am313
january2011 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 The general consensus, based on a number of previous threads along the same lines, is to do nothing. She dumped you, who cares what she thinks? And she's only going to see it as attention-seeking if you give her the satisfaction of initiating contact. And what if she doesn't respond? I highly doubt you are going to be okay with that. Most likely, any response that doesn't lead to a full blown conversation/meeting up/getting back together will leave you dissatisfied. So, don't do it. Spend the day doing something fun and absorbing to take your mind off it being anything other than a normal day.
bluefairy812 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 So, my ex dumped me about 3 weeks ago. Actually, she dumped me about a month before that, but she begged me back and after a few weeks I let her come over and try and talk it out. Within a couple days the same problems started again. Fights,she's cold and distant, me being needy. We were together for about a year, pretty intense relationship. Great chemistry, emotions, lots a love, best friends, saw each other literally every day (a problem..). I've been in NC ever since. So has she. We've ran into each other twice at the bar. The first time I ignored her, the second time we exchanged a simple hello after catching ourselves looking at each other all night. Anyways, it's her birthday in a few days, and I'm not exactly sure what to do. Am I hurting? No, not really - the wonders of NC. Do I miss her? Yes, at times it's fairly intense. Would I like to get back together? Pretty much, yeah. Now, I don't want to say anything at all, but I guess it would be a game of some kind (in the same way NC is kind of a game). However, I don't want her to think I'm bitter (although every now and then I feel that way). Not sure if I should send a simple card in the mail, or do nothing at all. What do you guys think? my ex's birthday was last week. we were together for 4 years and broke up two months ago. i not only wished him a happy bday via text but i sent him a birthday card. i went with my heart. it sucked, because all i got was a thank u for the text and a "this means a lot" for the card. you expect more and don't get anything. it broke my heart to know i wasn't going to be there for the 4th year in a row. i suggest not to do it. it hurts. it sucks. i know its hard though, but it doesn't matter anymore bc u are not together.
Author Am313 Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 I agree in spirit, because on one hand breaking up with someone is the ultimate rejection. On the other hand, it takes two to make a relationship, and two to break it. I really feel like I should send a simple card (I objectively feel its the right thing to do) HOWEVER I am afraid of her taking it and feeding her ego or something.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I agree in spirit, because on one hand breaking up with someone is the ultimate rejection. On the other hand, it takes two to make a relationship, and two to break it. I really feel like I should send a simple card (I objectively feel its the right thing to do) HOWEVER I am afraid of her taking it and feeding her ego or something. This was my thought process when my ex's birthday came along last week. I didn't really give a crap about feeding her ego, but I said in my mind that I should do it because "It's the right thing to do". So I send her a text wishing her a happy birthday, hoping she had a good day and saying that it was good to see her the week before. I got a "hey thanks!" from her, which wasn't great but at least better than nothing. I then asked how she was going to celebrate and she didn't respond at all. And I felt like a piece of s--t because of it and had a temporary relapse into crapville. It was completely unsatisfying and didn't do anything to help me move toward where I want to be with her. Cliffs: It's a bad idea. Don't do it. Especially in the first few weeks of the breakup -- she's going to think you are plotting to try to win her back, which is the last thing she wants.
JustALittleBit Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 100% do not do a card. If you want to do anything, do a simple text. A card is completely unnecessary, do you give your friends that aren't close friends cards? No - you might wish them happy birthday on facebook or something, probably wouldn't even text them. The most you can do IF ANYTHING is a text saying 'hey happy birthday, have a great day', nothing more. No 'hope you get ___, hope it's fabulous, :-)' etc. none of that. Merely an acknowledgement of the day, nothing more. If your main concern is not looking bitter and you want to be with her in the future then just do a little text, but don't make it particularly nice, don't expect anything back and if she replies don't start a conversation. Even if she asks a question, don't reply because she dumped you and you need some self respect.
Renard99 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Like others have said, don't do it. Last year, my birthday was first a few months after the break up. My ex, who really wanted to be friends with me after having dumped me, sent me an email saying happy birthday with a little note recommending some new bands being as we share a taste in music. I replied saying thank you and that I appreciated the new music recommendations. Then, a couple of months later, her birthday came around, and, thinking like you 'it's the polite and proper thing to do', I hand delivered a card to her house (didn't knock, just put it through the door).............. didn't hear anything from her. Not a word. I felt stupid and angry. Stupid because i'd actually thoughtfully chosen and paid good money for the card. Angry because she couldn't even be bothered with common courtesy. I felt awful, pathetic and worthless for at least a week afterwards. I kept making excuses like 'maybe she doesn't live there anymore', even though I knew that was her car on the drive and her cat sat in the window. My mind was all over the place. Don't do it!
Chi townD Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 She dumped you. Lets look at that relationship like a job. She fired you. She fired you and stated that your services as a boyfriend are no longer required. Now, if you were laid off or fired from a job. Do you still send your Ex-employer Christmas cards? 1
Dblock10 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 treat her as you would anyone else. a facebook happy bday would do it. ha what makes me laugh is my ex sent me a card two years in a row now, with a nice little message yet she has never actually been there for me on my bday.. women..
flitzanu Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 NOPE. you don't acknowledge her or her birthday. she dumped you, you're no longer friends. you have no relationship.
I'm nuts Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 (edited) my ex's birthday was last week. we were together for 4 years and broke up two months ago. i not only wished him a happy bday via text but i sent him a birthday card. i went with my heart. it sucked, because all i got was a thank u for the text and a "this means a lot" for the card. you expect more and don't get anything. it broke my heart to know i wasn't going to be there for the 4th year in a row. You did, you received a Thank you and an acknowledgement, I would be happy with that, you're being negative . I told you before on my birthday I received an E mail from the girl I knew for 6 years, we finished, if you could call it that because of me and telling her to find herself a husband, and all I said to her was Thank you, I don't know what she thought about it, but we both knew we will be in each others heart until the day we both die. It also depends on how you finish the relationship, I am old enough and I've learnt enough to know that fighting and arguing achieves nothing and I see no point in holding resentments. If someone rejects you for your act of kindness, then so be it. Edited September 25, 2012 by I'm nuts 1
DustyMan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 (edited) I was in the same boat as you just recently. My ex dumped me about 6 weeks ago, on-off relationship for over a year. I've posted here about it before. OK; I sent her a birthday card last week for her birthday and guess what? No rely. Nothing. ONLY send the card, IF; 1. You are still good friends and there are no feeling left, no intense feeling anyway. 2. If you can say with certainty that you will not be hurt if she ignore it. 3. You have NO ulterior motive i,e getting back together. So getting back to my feeling after sending the card. I did feel hurt that she didn't rely. My primary reason for sending the card, maybe a little selfish, was to try to offer an olive branch, so to speak. I felt things ended with her having a bad impression of me. They say women remember the last interaction with an ex. So honestly I sent it in the Hope that she might look back and say i wasn't such a bad bloke! I had myself prepared to feel hurt if she didn't rely, as I felt she wouldn't rely so I don't feel so bad. If she sends the card back well that could be a different story! Be prepared that that could haqqen too! and or she could tell you to stop contacting her because she has a new man in her life etc. Would you be ready for that news?? Probably on the balance of things I'd say don't send it. At the end of the day I guess I sent it because I though this - To love you have to be unafraid to love. And honestly, to be honest with myself too, it WAS a last throw of the dice. Deep in my heart I'd hoped we could get back together. Now I know its really over. If I meet her now I'm just going to smile, say hello and kee moving. It's her loss!! ;-) But remember nobody can know anyones heart. Read the advice her and make an informed decision. Edited September 25, 2012 by DustyMan
Svet74 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I sent my ex a text last year. Just simple happy b day enjoy your day. he replied and even invited me out to the movies with him.. I got my hopes up and went.. we ended up talking and even getting back together. I would say dont do it because for my ex is was just an ego boost. like oh my ex still cares and thinks about me. He replied because he so called didnt wanna be mean. Big mistake. But when my birthday came around he didnt send me a text. He just told his cousin who is friends with me that its my birthday so she came and wished me a happy birthday. His birthday is actually coming up in a couple weeks again. This time he is getting no text. And he will prob be expecting it from me.
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