bluegreen Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 After watching one of my favorite shows and even few talks with my s/o I came to realize how cruel are today's laws and world toward fiances. For example if God forbid something happens to soldier anywhere in world fiance gets nothing flag goes to his immediate family mom dad or such recognition to being fiance is like being nothing or next to nothing. In regular world fiance can't get insured by her s/o again if something bad happens to their s/o he-she has no right in making decisions at all. We have quite few engaged couples here and although it seems morbid subject have you ever thought of this to be honest this is heart breaking am not talking about material stuff am just talking about recognition and respect no law or person things fiances deserve ....
january2011 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I'm not a fiancee (yet). However, yes, I've thought about this. I think it's a particularly important issue for people in LDRs. Sometimes, when I don't hear from him for a while, I wonder if/when I will be informed if something happens to him. Thankfully, I do have some contact details for his family, so there's that. If something did happen, I wouldn't have any rights. They probably wouldn't even let me in to see him and I wouldn't be involved in any decisions about his care, etc. I think this is why some people place so much emphasis on getting married. There are alternative arrangments for people who aren't married yet, such as a power of attorney. However, these require separate and often labourious application processes, whereas marriage pretty much sets everything up in one big swoop. I remember hearing somewhere that you can be added to the list for casualty notification, but I think your soldier has to set up that at his end. I'm not sure if you can access casualty assistance services though. Perhaps it's worth finding out more from your fiance's unit family readiness group. If it were me, a flag would be a poor substitute for the person I lost. But I do understand where you are coming from. 1
Author bluegreen Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 Yeah this is just what am talking about and it does not matter are they in uniform or not they could be sales associate or cab driver. But unless you are married to them its like you don't exist and that's cruel piece of paper does not guarantee she-he is better than me or you or someone else as fiance maybe all they want its "benefits". I know I experienced same thing and as you say thank God there are some friends family to call but in event of worst it does not bear thinking about yet its something we have to are forced to. I hope this soon will be changed it just has to be we love those people are faithful to them live with them or wait years for them and I could go on and on WHY should that not be "enough" ? 1
january2011 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 When you are married that will all change. I think it's normal to feel anxiety in an LDR. And if he is active duty and deployed, it's no wonder you're a bundle of nerves. Perhaps it's worth taking up something like a hobby or volunteering to keep your mind off things?
Author bluegreen Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 No he is not in uniform at least not deployed like capacity but yes he is one of the good in blue color uniform guys : ))) and yeah sometimes am very upset how this issue is looked up on its almost as an insulting as that old one why buy cow when you can get milk for free that's how outside world and laws sees us ...
january2011 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 No he is not in uniform at least not deployed like capacity but yes he is one of the good in blue color uniform guys : ))) and yeah sometimes am very upset how this issue is looked up on its almost as an insulting as that old one why buy cow when you can get milk for free that's how outside world and laws sees us ... Many parts of the world are still behind when it comes to supporting partnerships, of all kinds. As long as your fiance doesn't view you that way and his friends and family accept you, then I think that's probably as much as you can ask - unless you're in a position to effect political change.
Author bluegreen Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 political change I wish but am truly curious to see what others think of it No he does not : ) as for them well ahem that's another story ...
justwhoiam Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Fiancee is a bride-to-be and if the banns have already been published there are rights and duties. A girlfriend is legally nothing. Marriage is important socially for this reason. It's a commitment made known to the rest of the world. So I guess a power of attorney can be useful at times, until when you can physically get married.
Author bluegreen Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 I guess you said it and if power of attorney is best one can get in that situation then its better then nothing but still somehow this is bitter pill to swallow...
Els Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I'm not a fiancee (yet). However, yes, I've thought about this. I think it's a particularly important issue for people in LDRs. Sometimes, when I don't hear from him for a while, I wonder if/when I will be informed if something happens to him. Thankfully, I do have some contact details for his family, so there's that. If something did happen, I wouldn't have any rights. They probably wouldn't even let me in to see him and I wouldn't be involved in any decisions about his care, etc. I think this is why some people place so much emphasis on getting married. There are alternative arrangments for people who aren't married yet, such as a power of attorney. However, these require separate and often labourious application processes, whereas marriage pretty much sets everything up in one big swoop. I remember hearing somewhere that you can be added to the list for casualty notification, but I think your soldier has to set up that at his end. I'm not sure if you can access casualty assistance services though. Perhaps it's worth finding out more from your fiance's unit family readiness group. If it were me, a flag would be a poor substitute for the person I lost. But I do understand where you are coming from. I don't know if this applies to all countries, but usually when you apply for stuff such as jobs, university, rental apartments, they will ask you to fill in a section for 'next of kin' or 'contact person'. Doesn't really help the cases the OP mentioned, but might help yours. 1
Chris516 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 After watching one of my favorite shows and even few talks with my s/o I came to realize how cruel are today's laws and world toward fiances. For example if God forbid something happens to soldier anywhere in world fiance gets nothing flag goes to his immediate family mom dad or such recognition to being fiance is like being nothing or next to nothing. In regular world fiance can't get insured by her s/o again if something bad happens to their s/o he-she has no right in making decisions at all. We have quite few engaged couples here and although it seems morbid subject have you ever thought of this to be honest this is heart breaking am not talking about material stuff am just talking about recognition and respect no law or person things fiances deserve .... I was previously engaged(I wish I hadn't been, but then I wouldn't have met the woman of my dreams who I have been with for several years). The woman I was engaged to, became seriously ill. I had to fight the doctors' tooth n' nail, to get her the proper medical care, and I got it for her.
Els Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I just thought of something - do the countries that the rest of you live in not support de facto relationships or civil unions? People in de facto Rs here, if declared, seem to get many of the legal rights that married spouses have, if not all. So do homosexuals in civil unions, etc.
stillafool Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 No he is not in uniform at least not deployed like capacity but yes he is one of the good in blue color uniform guys : ))) and yeah sometimes am very upset how this issue is looked up on its almost as an insulting as that old one why buy cow when you can get milk for free that's how outside world and laws sees us ... When is your wedding date? You will have all of your rights then. I guess one reason fiances don't get rights is until people are actually married they can break up and just be an ex gf/bf. Marriage makes it legal and binding. Don't be upset just look forward to your wedding day.
taiko Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) I just thought of something - do the countries that the rest of you live in not support de facto relationships or civil unions? People in de facto Rs here, if declared, seem to get many of the legal rights that married spouses have, if not all. So do homosexuals in civil unions, etc. Most US states do not have common law marriage but they do have civil unions and the courts will order support "palimony" should a live in (not common law) relationship end. The federal government does recognize common law if the state does, unless it is the same sex. In which case the government is not defending the law and waiting for the courts to force the issue so that the politicians don't have to say they voted for same sex marriage. That may change since the democratic party came out in support at their last convention. My other nation the Philippines does not recognize common law either. But since there is also no divorce unless you married under sharia law, in a second relationship situation the survivor gets 25% and the legal spouse gets 75%. The single, never married parent rate has spiked up to American levels in recent years but congress has yet to pass a bill to deal with the new reality. Since this is the LDR board the US only recognizes marriage and the visa will only be issued for a married couple or a temporary for a fiance to get married in 90 days. Again even though some state now recognize same sex unions the federal government doesn't and they control who gets into the country. I understand the first same sex couples have filled lawsuits to overthrow the defense of marriage law so that a spousal visa can be issued. Edited September 27, 2012 by taiko immigration
Els Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 Ohhh, hrm. That might explain why people are always having such vocal and exhaustive disagreements about the institution of marriage here. I thought it was just American culture that saw marriage as the end-all-be-all - I did not know that its government was enforcing the lack of other options. Thanks for sharing, taiko.
taiko Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 I guess I should amend what I said about Philippines family Law when it comes to never married. Turns out by law, even if it is not enforced, any family member who can be identified brother, half brother etc can be held responsible in the never married scenario. but the laws were last amended in the last days of Marcos when unmarried men were allowed on the birth certificate as fathers. Although immigration attorneys say in that era the nun would have falsified the intake form if a private, read Catholic hospital was the birthplace and afterwards when the records were computerized thousands of women found out that the state considered them married to the father of their oldest child. Filipino courts take a legal prejudice that a marriage can be saved but the paperwork is only checked by a foreign nation when a man in a foreign country made a visa petition for a spouse.
taiko Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 A US amendment this time. On 27 September the Secretary of Homeland Security has ordered Immigration and Customs Enforcement to recognize same sex couples as family. However legislating by fiat does leave holes in how can unmarried same sex families be allowed in, yet couples must be married if they are of opposite sexes?
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