Is seeing a doctor about depression that bad?

[RiverRunning]

I should be relatively happy in my life. I'm in my mid-20s, I have great friends, a good boyfriend, I think my personality's decent, I'm college-educated.

 

I've yet to have a consistent full-time job since I graduated a few years back - but given my field and the current climate, I think I've done OK with work (it can be stressful constantly diversifying and finding other income streams, but that tends to go in waves: a long while of doing OK, then a few weeks of looking for work, then a few more months of calm, etc).

 

I am overweight, but not ridiculously so...about 30 pounds yet. Enough that in a few months, I could be a normal weight. I've already lost about 100 pounds. The last 20 came off quite slowly. I exercise regularly (5 - 10 hours a week, moderate to intense), I eat well - a vegetarian diet. I keep track of my nutrient intake daily and take vitamins here and there if I'm too low on something.

 

There's a strong family history for depressive illnesses. Several of my first cousins and a few aunts/uncles have OCD. My paternal grandma has bipolar and possibly schizophrenia. My dad's receiving treatment for depression right now.

 

I've felt depressed consistently since I was really young - 10 or so. I'd have some lulls, but for the most part I spent 5 - 6 days out of the week crying myself to sleep (how's that for emo? I may be depressed, but even I can have a sense of humor about a cliche: "Cried myself to sleep...").

 

I was raised by a narcissistic mother...and nothing I ever did was right. Literally nothing. Even when I did do something right, her acknowledgement came in the form of, "But you did X wrong/I had to ask you 20 times to do it/etc." As an adult, I'm afraid of making mistakes and very afraid of criticism.

 

I think it's one of the reasons that I've largely avoided jobs where I'd have oversight or a direct boss. I've interned for 3 companies previously, and at most, I felt like all of the blame was heaped on me or I was chewed out for things I didn't do wrong (I now know some companies basically have a policy of "always blame the intern if there's a mistake" when their clients are around. And mentors at internships can screw up just like anyone else. But that still doesn't help the sickly feeling of, "Crap, I do everything wrong.").

 

If I'm criticized at a job or something, it can ruin my entire week. I'll feel even more depressed. I start wondering how long it will be before I get sacked, even if I maintain a bright and chipper attitude. Seeing the letters of recommendation over the years...I couldn't have done too badly. All of the letters are glowing, although it doesn't feel that way.

 

My depression waned a bit when I started dating as a teenager and my social life picked up. But I've kind of gone back to my baseline in the last year or two. When I'm alone, I'm depressed. It's not like I have a lack of things to do to keep me productive, so it's not like productivity is the problem. I'm busy quite often...housework, work, working out.

 

I keep thinking about finally going to see a doctor. I know I'm not in a good place: I'm often thinking about suicide. I'm often not feeling hopeful about the future. I'm getting married in 6 months and I don't feel an ounce of excitement or hope for the future. I doubt my boyfriend's attraction to me, although I really have no solid reason to think he'd be lying about being physically attracted.

 

I'm terrified by the prospect of actually speaking to a stranger about something I've been dealing with for so long. Usually I'm a bite-the-bullet type of person: I've been through (on the surface) far more stressful things. But for some reason, this leaves me feeling paralyzed.

 

So, other people out there...what's it like visiting a doctor for depression? How long did the visit take? Were you prescribed anti-depressants (did you have trouble with them? Did they help you out)?

 

I know part of my hesitation is in part due to my upbringing: although I don't view other people dealing with depression as 'crazy,' I very much fear that label being applied to me. My parents often chirped about how 'crazy' my grandma was when I was a kid, so I learned very quickly to hide any signs of depression.

 

My boyfriend knows I'm depressed, but doesn't seem to know the extent of it. Like...the fact that if he weren't around, I'd no longer see much reason to carry on the charade.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Goodness, this is precisely the time to take the proactive measure of going to a doctor.

 

You have shared a detailed overview of your own life, but you can't really have/know the perspective of so-called 'normal' outlooks OR, even, a full sense of how it is for others who are challenged by depression.

 

I know of someone who was blessed by far more than most any of us could ever imagine getting from life, and who still, with an assist from anti-depressants (first introduced just days earlier), took her own life.

 

It is this ideally-reflexive response you're contemplating that would/could save the lives of important people just like you.

 

Maybe even print-out your entry here (minus the location-online details) for your doctor. You certainly want to give him as much information as possible, and let him assess you with his trained mind.

 

(and yes, I understand that you most wanted someone to describe the initial steps and tell you that every bit of it would be OK. I'm not experienced in the way it would take to do so)

[Kamille]

Go see a doctor.

 

 

I grew up with a similar style of parenting. I used to struggle with criticism a lot (and still do at times). I have burned out at work from trying to do everything to perfection (so as to avoid what I thought was criticism but is really only feedback).

 

When I burned out, I went to see my doctor. She asked a set list of questions to figure out how depressed I was. She was very understanding. From her assessment, she recommended therapy (she suggested that if things got worse I consider anti-depressants). The whole appointment lasted about 20 minutes and I ended up bawling my eyes out throughout.

 

It took me awhile to find the right therapist for me, but even the ones who weren't the right ones for me taught me a thing or two. And once I found the right one, I was able to learn a lot of strategies to help me cope with my anxiety (and perfectionism).

 

If therapy is out of the question, consider buying The Anxiety Handbook. Anxiety is manageable. And life is much better once you know you have the skills to deal with it. The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook: Amazon.ca: Edmund J. Bourne: Books

 

There are resources out there. Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Do go speak to a doctor. You don't have to deal with this alone.

[todreaminblue]

I should be relatively happy in my life. I'm in my mid-20s, I have great friends, a good boyfriend, I think my personality's decent, I'm college-educated.

 

I've yet to have a consistent full-time job since I graduated a few years back - but given my field and the current climate, I think I've done OK with work (it can be stressful constantly diversifying and finding other income streams, but that tends to go in waves: a long while of doing OK, then a few weeks of looking for work, then a few more months of calm, etc).

 

I am overweight, but not ridiculously so...about 30 pounds yet. Enough that in a few months, I could be a normal weight. I've already lost about 100 pounds. The last 20 came off quite slowly. I exercise regularly (5 - 10 hours a week, moderate to intense), I eat well - a vegetarian diet. I keep track of my nutrient intake daily and take vitamins here and there if I'm too low on something.

 

There's a strong family history for depressive illnesses. Several of my first cousins and a few aunts/uncles have OCD. My paternal grandma has bipolar and possibly schizophrenia. My dad's receiving treatment for depression right now.

 

I've felt depressed consistently since I was really young - 10 or so. I'd have some lulls, but for the most part I spent 5 - 6 days out of the week crying myself to sleep (how's that for emo? I may be depressed, but even I can have a sense of humor about a cliche: "Cried myself to sleep...").

 

I was raised by a narcissistic mother...and nothing I ever did was right. Literally nothing. Even when I did do something right, her acknowledgement came in the form of, "But you did X wrong/I had to ask you 20 times to do it/etc." As an adult, I'm afraid of making mistakes and very afraid of criticism.

 

I think it's one of the reasons that I've largely avoided jobs where I'd have oversight or a direct boss. I've interned for 3 companies previously, and at most, I felt like all of the blame was heaped on me or I was chewed out for things I didn't do wrong (I now know some companies basically have a policy of "always blame the intern if there's a mistake" when their clients are around. And mentors at internships can screw up just like anyone else. But that still doesn't help the sickly feeling of, "Crap, I do everything wrong.").

 

If I'm criticized at a job or something, it can ruin my entire week. I'll feel even more depressed. I start wondering how long it will be before I get sacked, even if I maintain a bright and chipper attitude. Seeing the letters of recommendation over the years...I couldn't have done too badly. All of the letters are glowing, although it doesn't feel that way.

 

My depression waned a bit when I started dating as a teenager and my social life picked up. But I've kind of gone back to my baseline in the last year or two. When I'm alone, I'm depressed. It's not like I have a lack of things to do to keep me productive, so it's not like productivity is the problem. I'm busy quite often...housework, work, working out.

 

I keep thinking about finally going to see a doctor. I know I'm not in a good place: I'm often thinking about suicide. I'm often not feeling hopeful about the future. I'm getting married in 6 months and I don't feel an ounce of excitement or hope for the future. I doubt my boyfriend's attraction to me, although I really have no solid reason to think he'd be lying about being physically attracted.

 

I'm terrified by the prospect of actually speaking to a stranger about something I've been dealing with for so long. Usually I'm a bite-the-bullet type of person: I've been through (on the surface) far more stressful things. But for some reason, this leaves me feeling paralyzed.

 

So, other people out there...what's it like visiting a doctor for depression? How long did the visit take? Were you prescribed anti-depressants (did you have trouble with them? Did they help you out)?

 

I know part of my hesitation is in part due to my upbringing: although I don't view other people dealing with depression as 'crazy,' I very much fear that label being applied to me. My parents often chirped about how 'crazy' my grandma was when I was a kid, so I learned very quickly to hide any signs of depression.

 

My boyfriend knows I'm depressed, but doesn't seem to know the extent of it. Like...the fact that if he weren't around, I'd no longer see much reason to carry on the charade.

 

 

mmmm i can see where you are coming from.

 

 

My father didnt believe in mental illness very straight line get over it,buck up dont be pathetic type of person..and don't cry whatever you do...in hindsight....he just didn't understand how to deal with it, it made him uncomfortable that isnt his fault....everybody has something they cant deal with he was an unbelievable trojan in other areas of coping

 

 

he was respectful and courteous did not suffer fools....and i often felt foolish......but my respect for him however much we fought never wavered, i did not fulfill his expectations i left the navy of which he was so proud of my accomplishment, he parted from wanting to know me......unfortunately for him because i love him and that is not replaceable.........or on condition......anyway

 

 

i understand depression schizophrenia and associated disorders also familial links to said conditions, i have been in the health system on and off for a long time....i have been ordered to take medication and certain therapy i have done so to stay alive for my family adn eventually i decided its not for me......I dont think the medication or therapy electro helped.......i think i tkilled certain thoughts but if not dealt with properly they dont stay dead.I have been a guinea pig for various types of medication all of which have given side effects i find horrible.......weight gain is one.....zombie land i another, cotton brain isnt fun....or is cotton mouth........where you want to gag your mouth is that dry.....makes me depressed...lol ...ahem sorry.....irony makes me laugh

 

the thing that has helped is intense psyche sessions.......and an arguing acute care team....smilin....

 

even though they dont know what the problem is, my secrets that are deep or how to medicate or diagnose i did pick up knowledge on strategies relationships both personal and not personal.....about how to solve basic issues how to deal with basic issues and how to deal with the hard yards......mediation compromise compassion understanding acceptance and love.....funnily enough these all pertain to bible principles.....so now me and my battle scarred heart read that.I have always had faith.......so i found my church i should have joined a long time ago....they found me actually and i am maintaining my illness with what i have that isn't chemically induced.......my mind my heart and me.......the faith binds us together....sorry to talk like three people.....no i don't have multiple personality disorder whew happy about that one....smilin

 

going it without support from a doctor is tough.......you should seek medical advice hear what they have to say talk to your family have faith and hope that your boyfriend loves you...i have had extensive therapy and help from doctors is over....they cant help me i have a box of medication here a never before tried by me one box....if i get to that place......that dark place.....ill start taking it to keep me alive......if my heart tells me too which it will....i have gone through enough to know i have to survive....even if it is to just tell you to see a doctor

 

get some perspective try counseling try everything you can...and when you dont see anything but darkness keep trying...the world needs you in it.god put you here for a reason if it is to be the wife of your current partner consider yourself blessed....love him let him love you back....and see the sky once in while....the ground will still be there when you look down...but your perspective will be different....hugs and if you need me...i am here unmedicated so will be able to say more than "huh what was that again.".....smile....hugs....deb