bobbi Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I look through my boyfriend of almost 3 years phone, pictures, text, email, call history.... I feel like it shouldn't be a problem if I look in his personal phone. Us being in a long term commited realationship we should be able and willing to share anything and everything. I have no care if he knows what I do or talk to with my phone.... but he feels like I have no right to look in his phone. What are your thoughts?! Is my boy right or am I?
guildenstern Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I look through my boyfriend of almost 3 years phone, pictures, text, email, call history.... I feel like it shouldn't be a problem if I look in his personal phone. Us being in a long term commited realationship we should be able and willing to share anything and everything. I have no care if he knows what I do or talk to with my phone.... but he feels like I have no right to look in his phone. What are your thoughts?! Is my boy right or am I? It's his decision not yours. Stop right now. 1
bob the brave Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 You are right to do it but wrong to want to. You are right for the reasons you stated. You are wrong for feeling the need to because this motive stems from a sense on insecurity in yourself or a mistrust in your bf. Trust is essential for a successful relationship. If you trust and are betrayed or suspicious and betrayed, it is the same either way. I think you should look only if you have a really valid suspision and not if you are just curious.
somedude81 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Why do you want to look through his phone?
Author bobbi Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 When it comes to relationships Im very detail orientied and notice very little stuff. There were a few questionable signs the lead up to me even looking the first time. Come to find out my suspicions were right, and we discussed them and working through them in our relationship. But is it ok to look? regardless of the reason why you want to know?
todreaminblue Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I look through my boyfriend of almost 3 years phone, pictures, text, email, call history.... I feel like it shouldn't be a problem if I look in his personal phone. Us being in a long term commited realationship we should be able and willing to share anything and everything. I have no care if he knows what I do or talk to with my phone.... but he feels like I have no right to look in his phone. What are your thoughts?! Is my boy right or am I? your boy has issues my phone if i actually liked them, which i don't particularly, i dont have a good history with mobile phones but it would not be locked from my boyfriend from my kids yes.......they use the credit and give $1800 phone bills as payment for me leaving unlocked phones.....never have a plan on mobile with kids....just a suggestion I dont think there should be secrets at all in a relationship...i have made mistakes in this area in the past but i have learned what i needed to learn to mature and grow up(lol as grown up as i can be). There is an issue if things are locked....its a secret if its locked....... i dont like mobiles because i am the type to disappear when i want to and if a phone rings i feel i have to answer it in saying this if i was requested to carry a mobile i would ......not a locked one though.......stand close to what you believe in....you have that right and are validated to believe in unlocked phones.. subterfuge on the mobile though don't go there ,ask to see it and have a discussion about why you feel it should be unlocked.... if you do subterfuge work on your partner's phone get ready to see things you dont want to see or know..make sure you are ready to know all in the garden of phonecalls....just a thought that might keep your sanity alive and kicking..........deb
DC4 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 There is absolutely NO reason to look through your partners phone, email, etc. NONE. If you feel the need to snoop, you don't trust the person and the relationship is already over. You might as well break up at that point. My ex and I (together 9 years) had each others' passwords but never EVER went poking around. Once you feel the need to snoop or worse yet, you feel justified doing it-you're done. Move on.
phineas Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 If I felt the need to look through someone's phone it's because my gut told me to which means it's probably over anyways.
Pyro Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Unless your BF has given you a valid reason to not trust him then you should not have a good reason to look through his stuff. 1
DC4 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 If I felt the need to look through someone's phone it's because my gut told me to which means it's probably over anyways. Exactly, so rather than cast aside all your dignity you just move on. If you go ahead and do it anyway because you're that kind of person and find nothing, well now you're a butthole and have violated someone else. LOSE/LOSE Unless your BF has given you a valid reason to not trust him then you should not have a good reason to look through his stuff. If he has done that, you break up with him.
fishtaco Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 It's wrong. If you don't trust someone to the point where you have to go through their phone, email, facebook, or personal communication, don't be in a relationship with them. Either you are a paranoid control freak, or he is a cheating bastard. Like DC4 said, these are the only two possible outcomes.
CptObvious Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Go ahead, if your BF is really that stupid to leave any evidence behind then I guess it's only right for him to get busted.
MonsterMash Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Thats a dealbreaker for me. I have nothing to hide, period. But to go through someones phone for no reason at all shows immaturity and lack of trust. And in my experience, someone who does this without cause is letting their own indiscretions get the better of them. People who do wrong assume everyone else does to. If you did that to me, my question would be what are YOU hiding?
monkey00 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Personally I feel it's wrong. Maybe unless you have good reason like they are talking to their ex or have evidence they are cheating on you..that might be the only exception.
Jane2011 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I never wanted my ex (of five years) looking through my phone or email because there were just things I didn't want him to see. I was never cheating or even talking to some guy who I shouldn't be. I just didn't want him to see that I was signed up for and got email from some dating site. Or other things like that. I've never had anything to hide from a guy in terms of cheating. Any guy I talk to other than the guy I'm with is truly just a distant friend or an acquaintance. But I also wouldn't want him seeing my things because I might be talking about him! lol. In a good way, of course. For instance, I wrote an email to a female friend of mine gushing about the guy I'm seeing now. I don't want him seeing that. To answer your question, I don't think you should be looking through his things. I'd not do it. If I felt suspicious about something, I'd just ask him. And if I felt like he was lying to me, I'd entertain the thought of looking through some of his stuff. But just in general existence, I wouldn't be looking through his things even if I were alone with those things.
MrCastle Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 It's a pretty dicey topic. I think it really depends on the individual and their morals. I think, I would never do it without reason. I'm not one of those insecure, jealous guys who is gonna make it a rule to check her phone no matter what or ask her who she's texting or anything like that; but if she gives me reason, any inclination at all that she may be cheating on me or something, I will check her phone. You have to go with your gut in every situation. I've had situations where my gut was telling me something, and through some not so honest detective work, I was able to confirm what my gut was telling me. 1
Emilia Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I think I felt the same way as the OP when I was younger but now I have much more respect for people's boundaries. Everyone has the right for their privacy and private moments without feeling they have to constantly prove they are not up to anything. It shouldn't feel like 'guilty until proven innocent' which is what going through someone's phone is. How about respect and dignity? Someone here said it would be a dealbreaker for them but I think anyone who feels their partner should be a completely open book all the time has insecurity issues. I think you are wrong OP.
Emilia Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Let's see how militant some of these posters who are yelling the loudest about the 'right to privacy' act when THEIR spouses are acting all funny with their phones one day in the future. I can pretty much guarantee you're all going to want to confirm what you suspect before you just pull the trigger. I can certainly guarantee you that it wouldn't be snooping or insisting on reading texts or emails that I would resort to if I suspected my other half of something.
Jane2011 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I never wanted my ex (of five years) looking through my phone or email because there were just things I didn't want him to see. I was never cheating or even talking to some guy who I shouldn't be. I just didn't want him to see that I was signed up for and got email from some dating site. Or other things like that. Clarification: By the above, I meant relationships advice type of sites. Not dating sites to date people.
darkmoon Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 if you need to know, if the suspense is killing you, if you want to know why your partner is acting strangely, having an affair, looks like they're about to break your heart and you need find out for certain, to handle the bad news, need advance information...
DC4 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Let's see how militant some of these posters who are yelling the loudest about the 'right to privacy' act when THEIR spouses are acting all funny with their phones one day in the future. I can pretty much guarantee you're all going to want to confirm what you suspect before you just pull the trigger. I would NEVER exclusively commit to someone that I suspect would cheat on me. I have more self respect than that. You ask them then you have two options: accept their answer or leave because you're not buying it. What is the positive outcome here? Your suspicions are correct and now you have that visual in your head of your spouse/SO screwing aroundYour suspicions are wrong and now YOU are the one who no longer deserves to be trusted
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 When it comes to relationships Im very detail orientied and notice very little stuff. There were a few questionable signs the lead up to me even looking the first time. Come to find out my suspicions were right, and we discussed them and working through them in our relationship. But is it ok to look? regardless of the reason why you want to know? The general rule is if you are doing something your partner doesn't know you are doing, it's usually not the greatest thing in the world. It's probably not "okay" that you looked at his phone without him knowing but it's not the worst offense in the world either. What was it that you found and are now working out?
Els Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 The general rule is if you are doing something your partner doesn't know you are doing, it's usually not the greatest thing in the world. Seconded. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with glancing through your partner's phone, but there is something wrong if (1) you insist on doing it even though he clearly doesn't like it, or (2) you have to sneak around behind his back to do it. I have glanced through my partner's phone, but mostly for practical stuff on occasion such as getting a number I need from it or checking what time tomorrow's lunch meetup with friends was supposed to be again, while he's sleeping. There's a lot of transparency in our Rs - our computers are fully open to each other and we use them on occasion (his has more games and mine is the only one connected to our printer), we borrow each others' phones when we need to, etc. What are your intentions, and why do you feel you NEED to see what is in his phone? Is it just pure curiousity, or do you genuinely think he could be doing something shady? Has he given you reason to think so?
DC4 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I have glanced through my partner's phone, but mostly for practical stuff on occasion such as getting a number I need from it or checking what time tomorrow's lunch meetup with friends was supposed to be again, while he's sleeping. That's not snooping. That's like borrowing a sweatshirt.
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