LostOne1 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Exactly. How do you know they aren't feeling extremely guilty about hurting you and to ashamed to make contact? It's rare, but it's happened i'm sure. There isn't much harm in making contact in my experience, just a couple days of setback, which in the whole pictures of things is nothing. You know I agree to some extent, but the setback might be more than a few days. The only problem is then NC really becomes "somewhat" worthless. for me 30 days.. and then I make contact.. I kinda have thrown those 30 days away in some form. Sure I won't suffer another 30 days and know shes still angry. It's a tough call to be honest... it's a battle of holding true to NC and then a battle of wanting to find out where the ex is at in the process.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 You know I agree to some extent, but the setback might be more than a few days. The only problem is then NC really becomes "somewhat" worthless. for me 30 days.. and then I make contact.. I kinda have thrown those 30 days away in some form. Sure I won't suffer another 30 days and know shes still angry. It's a tough call to be honest... it's a battle of holding true to NC and then a battle of wanting to find out where the ex is at in the process. Honestly, you need to get to the point where you don't care where she's at in the process. And honestly, if she's really feeling it she'll contact you in some way, shape or form. Just because she hasn't yet doesn't mean she won't. I think you are way too worked up about the time thing and trying to guess what she wants you to do. She'll tell you what she wants you to do when she wants to.
LostOne1 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Honestly, you need to get to the point where you don't care where she's at in the process. And honestly, if she's really feeling it she'll contact you in some way, shape or form. Just because she hasn't yet doesn't mean she won't. I think you are way too worked up about the time thing and trying to guess what she wants you to do. She'll tell you what she wants you to do when she wants to. yeah your right... if i push it now it could backfire on me again. I pushed her too much before thinking time was not on my side and where did it get me... all the way here now with 30 days of NC and lots of pain and loss. My next goal I guess is for another 30 days of NC. Though I pray that some miracle happens by then. Till then I need to find a way to get myself out of this slump. I was fine last week, but the last 4 days have taken me down hard.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 yeah your right... if i push it now it could backfire on me again. I pushed her too much before thinking time was not on my side and where did it get me... all the way here now with 30 days of NC and lots of pain and loss. My next goal I guess is for another 30 days of NC. Though I pray that some miracle happens by then. Till then I need to find a way to get myself out of this slump. I was fine last week, but the last 4 days have taken me down hard. Hang out with your buddies, go on a trip, take up a hobby, go to the gym, hell, go to the bar and meet some beautiful babies. Keep as busy as possible.
LostOne1 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Hang out with your buddies, go on a trip, take up a hobby, go to the gym, hell, go to the bar and meet some beautiful babies. Keep as busy as possible. haha tried it all.. normally i spend 1hr a day working out in mornings, try to hang with friends though a lot of them work quite a bit. Sad part is with my gf I gave up a lot of my hobbies, since she wanted more time and I couldn't juggle hobbies. There is only 1 hobby I did do which was gaming. It did piss her off, because there were days where I just wanted to enjoy 1 day per a week to just game instead of having to come online to talk to her for hours about my day. I feel guilty though, when I game I don't know what it is.. maybe because she always felt I wanted to game more than talk to her, which isn't true. But I can't see myself coming on everyday for 4-5 hrs to talk about my day. I need a break once a week to enjoy a hobby. School is going to keep me busy too, but I hate my school work. it relates to activiies with computers for my reports and all... it's tough to be on the pc and not think of her. I mostly came online to talk to her on msn...
Calico Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Exactly. How do you know they aren't feeling extremely guilty about hurting you and to ashamed to make contact? Then you'd still end up with someone who cannot communicate with you properly, which is frequently one of the major reasons that contributed to the breakup in the first place. And once you go down that road, where does it end? So you break NC now and get rejected again because you do the exact thing your ex dumped you for (clinging). What next? In two weeks, you check again? Because maybe they are afraid of contacting you. Perhaps send flowers in three weeks, to show how sincere you are? After a month, maybe a call, because perhaps they really wait to hear from you and just don't have the courage? And after two months of waiting, hasn't enough time passed to try yet again? If you listen to your addicted mind, you'll never run out of delicious and seemingly logical reasons why you should keep trying. Keep trying to get that fix. It's no different from any other form of withdrawal. 2
LostOne1 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Then you'd still end up with someone who cannot communicate with you properly, which is frequently one of the major reasons that contributed to the breakup in the first place. And once you go down that road, where does it end? So you break NC now and get rejected again because you do the exact thing your ex dumped you for (clinging). What next? In two weeks, you check again? Because maybe they are afraid of contacting you. Perhaps send flowers in three weeks, to show how sincere you are? After a month, maybe a call, because perhaps they really wait to hear from you and just don't have the courage? And after two months of waiting, hasn't enough time passed to try yet again? If you listen to your addicted mind, you'll never run out of delicious and seemingly logical reasons why you should keep trying. Keep trying to get that fix. It's no different from any other form of withdrawal. the odd part is in my relationship my ex WANTED me to be clingy. She became clingy with me, which is what I thought I wanted. But over time I realized I need my space too for things I want to do like my hobbies and not have her all over me everyday. Maybe she was needy, and wanted me more. I found it ironic.. she once wrote in an email that she doesn't give me space, because she feels if she does, then she would lose me. Yet when she forced me to give her space, I lost her....
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Yet when she forced me to give her space, I lost her.... find the girlfriend book posted here somewhere and read it, quickly. some huge mistakes (one's that I've made too) jump out at me here. you want to learn what you did wrong and fix them so that this doesn't happen. any woman that "wants" you to be clingy is a recipe for lack of respect and firing you as a boyfriend sooner vs later.
LostOne1 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 find the girlfriend book posted here somewhere and read it, quickly. some huge mistakes (one's that I've made too) jump out at me here. you want to learn what you did wrong and fix them so that this doesn't happen. any woman that "wants" you to be clingy is a recipe for lack of respect and firing you as a boyfriend sooner vs later. see it's weird.. she always got mad at me for NOT being clingy. When I was clingy she was super happy. WHen I wasn't clingy she got mad or did things like get me things to hope I would become more clingy. She basically NEEDED me around always. If I didn't talk to her every day at night.. it pissed her off. And honestly, after awhile I couldn't keep up with talking every night about what I did that day... I wanted to jump on my own hobbies and I sometimes was able to do it. Sadly she was never clingy.. I think some how I made her clingy.. I created the monster she now is....
Tree_Salmon Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 read the book... What book? I doubt it can teach me anything I don't already know about the irrational mind of immature people. But I'm open to reading.
Fitnerd Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 read the book... Mike I just read the story you linked and I laughed so hard, I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't but that was just insane. Thank you as I haven't laughed like this in a while I'm also curious about this book! 1
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 lol!!! it was a dream night.... I think I still have the 15 screens of text up on photobucket somewhere, I'll see if I can link them in. I live in a really small town so I run across her every once in awhile. She has a new guy, funny story behind that one too, maybe someday I'll write it up the book: http://www.osirusworld.com/temp/temp/TYG.pdf
Fitnerd Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 lol!!! it was a dream night.... I think I still have the 15 screens of text up on photobucket somewhere, I'll see if I can link them in. I live in a really small town so I run across her every once in awhile. She has a new guy, funny story behind that one too, maybe someday I'll write it up the book: http://www.osirusworld.com/temp/temp/TYG.pdf Definitely do if you have some spare time! And thx for the book! Will give it a read tonight.
Tree_Salmon Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I've actually read this book a few years ago. I lived my life this way already. My father taught me these points when i was younger. It does work this way, I just get tired of dealing with peoples bull.
Recommended Posts