Good guys Finish Last?

[bob the brave]

here's why you don't fall in love at work.

 

met a girl at work, everything great for weeks. Then, she asks me how tall I am. After telling her 5'9" (truthfully) she avoided me like the plauge. She is 5.7". Although not my profession I am a certified fitness instructor and in excellent shape.

 

Shortly after that she hooked up with a married player. This guy cheats on his wife constantly, drinks a six pack a day, gambles, has no education, no skills or ambition. Knowing I liked this girl, he came to my office and said, "I screwed her and there is nothing you can do about it." just to stroke his ego. Another guy he hangs out with has fathered 3 childern by 2 different women and refuses to marry either one. This girl hangs out with these guys! They all make constant leud sexual remarks. They player instantly focuses on anyone's weaknesses and makes jokes about it, just to make himself look better.

 

Months later she comes to me complaining this guy is a zero and wanting to know if I still care? I did, but I was hurt so I said no. She was surprisingly very upset by this. I struggled for weeks wondering if I should tell her my true feelings, but given her actions I really didn't think that it could truly matter to her. So, I said nothing more.

 

Now, six months later she is getting married to someone outside of work. They player had a small party in a local bar for her. They still eat together every day. I am shunned and treated like some kind of ****.

 

I am a good guy. My interest in her was purely sincere. I was attracted by her playful, smart personality. She had health issues at the time and I tried to be supportive because I cared not because I wanted to get in her pants.

 

My problem is I have to work with these people everyday. I don't understand why someone who truly cares about others is treated with such disrespect? I am very open-minded and fun loving. I never lectured to these people or made them think I was better. I wouldn't know how.

 

I want to tell her what this **** said to me so she will know he dosen't respect her. I want to know why I was treated this way. I not jealous and I wish her all the best with her new life, but I can't get past be majorly dissed like this.

 

Do you think it would be ok to discuss this with her?

[yoman38]

personally these people sound shallow to me, lost, like they are stuck in a never ending phase of highschool drama/excitement. You could discuss this but well I don't think it would change much. I would focus on finding a better group of people to hang out with and remember that you don't have to be friends with your co workers you just have to tolerate them and be able to work. Why would you even want to change people who treated you poorly.

[Mrlonelyone]

Don't discuss anything with them. Just treat them with every bit of contempt they deserve. Don't even give them the satisfaction of excluding you.

 

The reason pure @$$holes don't like people who aren't is because they feel bad about themselves. They form these groups in order to feel better about who they are. A big part of that is by excluding people from the clique.

 

The only solution is to be cold and professional to them and not even view them as socially human.

[grkBoy]

First of all...don't sh*t where you eat.

 

I don't care how pretty, kind, and/or cool she is. I don't care what actual or perceived connection you think you might have...do not date people from your work.

 

Forget that crap of if you break up you have to face one another. People like to talk smack and create drama, and you two would have been an easy topic to create drama on. Suddenly the boss might pull you two in one day and ask if there's any truth to you two having sex in an empty office. Yeah, it might not be true, but you can then see how much more it will make your work life a hell.

 

Secondly, if you clearly see she rejected you for your height (she wants the man to be taller even in 4" heels, blah blah blah), then that alone should give you a sense of who she really is. The banging a married playa and hanging out with shadey folk only add to the hard truth.

 

NEVER...I repeat NEVER look at someone as what you think they could be to you. Always see people for who they really are. I used to make that mistake a lot in my "nice guy" past. When I did the MGTOW thing and even later met my fiance, I stopped imaging the objects of my attention as the ideal girlfriend. I looked, watched, and payed attention to their actual moves.

 

HERE'S WHAT YOU DO NOW...

 

You move on. DO NOT try to "save her". I've seen enough girls chase and play with playas to know they want to tame him. They're not being lied to by the playa, but the girl is lying to herself. She knows he's a playa, a jerk, a womanizer, and he only sees her as sex...but she lives in denial, believing he can and will change for her. She'll believe the sex they have is "special" and him banging other girls are just him banging wh*res.

 

Let her fail in life. Seriously. You ever notice when I speak of women who rejected me and how they're still single, can't maintain a RL, or even got knocked up and abandoned? I don't say that to make them look bad and make me look good. I say it because the rest of you can see the FATE of these misguided GIRLS (because they're not women).

 

Let her fail. Let her get played, used, abused, even knocked up. She's not your problem anymore. No matter what you tell her, she will never date you or even take you seriously. Why would you waste energy on someone like that?

 

The ONLY time she might ever date you is when Mr Playa knocks her up, runs out on her, and now she's desperate. She'll try to make you her last resort. Her backup plan.

 

If you really want to be a "good man" and not a "nice guy" then you walk away from the situation, do your job, ignore their BS, and meet women elsewhere. Find a woman who will pick you first over the playa. A woman who will respect you and especially respect herself.

 

Don't be a doormat.

[Later82012]

Knowing I liked this girl, he came to my office and said, "I screwed her and there is nothing you can do about it."

You should have asked him if his wife was a virgin before he got together with her.

 

You know you should be happy that you didn't end up with that girl, right?

[todreaminblue]

here's why you don't fall in love at work.

 

met a girl at work, everything great for weeks. Then, she asks me how tall I am. After telling her 5'9" (truthfully) she avoided me like the plauge. She is 5.7". Although not my profession I am a certified fitness instructor and in excellent shape.

 

Shortly after that she hooked up with a married player. This guy cheats on his wife constantly, drinks a six pack a day, gambles, has no education, no skills or ambition. Knowing I liked this girl, he came to my office and said, "I screwed her and there is nothing you can do about it." just to stroke his ego. Another guy he hangs out with has fathered 3 childern by 2 different women and refuses to marry either one. This girl hangs out with these guys! They all make constant leud sexual remarks. They player instantly focuses on anyone's weaknesses and makes jokes about it, just to make himself look better.

 

Months later she comes to me complaining this guy is a zero and wanting to know if I still care? I did, but I was hurt so I said no. She was surprisingly very upset by this. I struggled for weeks wondering if I should tell her my true feelings, but given her actions I really didn't think that it could truly matter to her. So, I said nothing more.

 

Now, six months later she is getting married to someone outside of work. They player had a small party in a local bar for her. They still eat together every day. I am shunned and treated like some kind of ****.

 

I am a good guy. My interest in her was purely sincere. I was attracted by her playful, smart personality. She had health issues at the time and I tried to be supportive because I cared not because I wanted to get in her pants.

 

My problem is I have to work with these people everyday. I don't understand why someone who truly cares about others is treated with such disrespect? I am very open-minded and fun loving. I never lectured to these people or made them think I was better. I wouldn't know how.

 

I want to tell her what this **** said to me so she will know he dosen't respect her. I want to know why I was treated this way. I not jealous and I wish her all the best with her new life, but I can't get past be majorly dissed like this.

 

Do you think it would be ok to discuss this with her?

 

 

You will get over it....bad things happen to good people there's lessons in everything that happens even the crappy lessons....one day in your future someone will come to you who needs help with what position you were in going through exactly the same or near enough, the same thing that you did and you will have the knowledge to pass on how you dealt with the hurt and the pain and you will smile that you do that fro some one just like i am about to pass the parcel to you(everyone knows this game)

 

 

here is my experience in a parcel post

 

I get disrespected all the time sometimes i feel invisible,

 

the people who do this to me have issues and they are parcelling them to me , transference

some of them have been abused used had violence in their lives so they lash out they dont listen to what i have to say, because they have not been listened to......they have been treated badly themselves.....i am guilty of this too because.....i have the same history maybe worse maybe not, and sometimes people are true dicks cant help them ones......you can help those who hurt others because they have been hurt.....

 

 

you have to do it with acceptance and understanding love and compassion for your brothers and sisters that's what we all are brothers and sisters. sometimes it really sucks to be nice, and you just want to tie them to ceiling fans and hit the highest spin cycle......

 

and just sit there and feel humorous(i fantasize about this while they yell at me, i always smile pisses them off even more, I suggest try not to smile) at their fan spinning lesson......but ...... this wwouldnt change them just makes them dizzy....you can make a difference now you have learned how it feels to be treated badly....this is my parcel and pass it to you.......pass it on the music is still playing ....helllllo coooooeeee r u there...pass the parcel goof....smilin......hugs atcha......deb

[ascendotum]

There is a good chance she will see it as sour grapes and inform him or confront him and it will backfire, and you will have to work with these people who will make life more difficult at work.

Anyway she is getting married to someone else now, so forget her. Bite your tongue and just focus on your job.

If she is still involved with the playa at work, well that's her new fiance's drama. Look she knows for starters the playa was cheating on his wife, so if that is no problemo for her, then a lot of other 'red flag' aspects would likely be swept under the rug.

[joystickd]

here's why you don't fall in love at work.

 

met a girl at work, everything great for weeks. Then, she asks me how tall I am. After telling her 5'9" (truthfully) she avoided me like the plauge. She is 5.7". Although not my profession I am a certified fitness instructor and in excellent shape.

 

Shortly after that she hooked up with a married player. This guy cheats on his wife constantly, drinks a six pack a day, gambles, has no education, no skills or ambition. Knowing I liked this girl, he came to my office and said, "I screwed her and there is nothing you can do about it." just to stroke his ego. Another guy he hangs out with has fathered 3 childern by 2 different women and refuses to marry either one. This girl hangs out with these guys! They all make constant leud sexual remarks. They player instantly focuses on anyone's weaknesses and makes jokes about it, just to make himself look better.

 

Months later she comes to me complaining this guy is a zero and wanting to know if I still care? I did, but I was hurt so I said no. She was surprisingly very upset by this. I struggled for weeks wondering if I should tell her my true feelings, but given her actions I really didn't think that it could truly matter to her. So, I said nothing more.

 

Now, six months later she is getting married to someone outside of work. They player had a small party in a local bar for her. They still eat together every day. I am shunned and treated like some kind of ****.

 

I am a good guy. My interest in her was purely sincere. I was attracted by her playful, smart personality. She had health issues at the time and I tried to be supportive because I cared not because I wanted to get in her pants.

 

My problem is I have to work with these people everyday. I don't understand why someone who truly cares about others is treated with such disrespect? I am very open-minded and fun loving. I never lectured to these people or made them think I was better. I wouldn't know how.

 

I want to tell her what this **** said to me so she will know he dosen't respect her. I want to know why I was treated this way. I not jealous and I wish her all the best with her new life, but I can't get past be majorly dissed like this.

 

Do you think it would be ok to discuss this with her?

Come on! You need to grow some nuts. You are not as good as you think. They only reason you hear this woman's problems is because you want to get in her pants. She doesn't want you because deep down you are a jealous guy that hides behind a facade of nice. You think because you are nice that she should see you as a great catch and choose you. You do all this to feel superior. I know you think I'm better than the player because I'm nice. The reality is in some ways you are no different than him. NEWSFLASH!! Attraction doesn't work that way. The player is more genuine than you would ever be. He doesn't hide behind nice like a wimp.

[todreaminblue]

Come on! You need to grow some nuts. You are not as good as you think. They only reason you hear this woman's problems is because you want to get in her pants. She doesn't want you because deep down you are a jealous guy that hides behind a facade of nice. You think because you are nice that she should see you as a great catch and choose you. You do all this to feel superior. I know you think I'm better than the player because I'm nice. The reality is in some ways you are no different than him. NEWSFLASH!! Attraction doesn't work that way. The player is more genuine than you would ever be. He doesn't hide behind nice like a wimp.

 

 

he already has nuts.You just answered his post.....smilin......you nut you.......i coughed up soup at your post so thankyou love it when soup goes up my nose......charmin marvin........have a great day pats head .....deb

[Mrlonelyone]

I wouldn't call that particular "playa" genuine. He sounds like a rather low class character who found kindred souls at work.

 

The OP wasn't playing nice, he was just sort of...being careful about a workplace romance. Which was smart.

 

Suppose this woman decides to break bad on the playa one day and accuse him of all kinds of sexual harassment. Then who's the fool?

[bob the brave]

whoa...joystickd...appreciate your input, and have to admit you're half right.

 

I did try to be nice and she may thought I was showboating, but you would both be right for the wrong reason.

 

Some of us live charmed lives, but others aren't so lucky. When I see all the injustice both natural and human enacted on people, I feel for them. When I see all the stupid things people do to each other in relationships, it makes me sick - selfish, stupid, sad.

 

So, I make it a priority to be just, to help others, to be composionate with both men and women. I'm not a priest becuase I don't believe in God even if he exits. I do it because I don't like to see people suffer. I can understand you thinking I must have an ulterior motive. It's only natural. She probably believed that as well. But that is the problem. People can't see beyond the trees. Being this 'good' is not natural. One has to tame natural instinct for the overal benefit of everyone. This is not something most people understand or even believe is a virtue. But that again is the problem. This does not mean I am a weak, impassionate lover. I can go crazy when all is right.

 

That's why i am attracted to messed up women - because I want to help. Just never had one that was a train wrecked whore before. Just too much for me to handle and I got too close .

 

It may be real to **** a girl and then go in and brag about it to someone you know actually cared, but it is hardly what caring, civilized people do.

 

I am not a balless dude hiding behind a nice faced, I am an everyday man trying to be the better man we should all be.

[fishtaco]

Some good replies by LSers already. To reiterate their points:

 

1) Don't **** where you work, unless you don't care about your job and you can bail out anytime.

2) She's worth playing, that's it. Women like that set themselves up to be played. If you don't play them, you're out. Just like what happened. Say you pulled a miracle, gained 4 inches in height, and ended up dating her. She's going to do nothing but bring your drama.

 

What you did wrong -- over invest. That's a noob mistake. Never over invest. People are never who they seem. It's like peeling an onion. You have to uncover layers and layers to find out who they truly really are. Sometimes you'll like the packaging, but you won't like what you find inside. Over investing solely based on packaging is always a bad idea. And by packaging I mean your initial estimation of who she is. I don't mean just looks.

 

Some people are for fun, some people are for real. She's for fun. When you take a fun person, and make it about more than just fun, you'll be sorely disappointed.

 

You should go date a bunch of women. Focusing on one person usually don't end well. Never put all of your eggs in one basket.

 

Oh, and be good if you want to be. But know that good is sometimes perceived as weakness. It's the price you'll have to pay if you want to be good. Your choice.

[joystickd]

whoa...joystickd...appreciate your input, and have to admit you're half right.

 

I did try to be nice and she may thought I was showboating, but you would both be right for the wrong reason.

 

Some of us live charmed lives, but others aren't so lucky. When I see all the injustice both natural and human enacted on people, I feel for them. When I see all the stupid things people do to each other in relationships, it makes me sick - selfish, stupid, sad.

 

So, I make it a priority to be just, to help others, to be composionate with both men and women. I'm not a priest becuase I don't believe in God even if he exits. I do it because I don't like to see people suffer. I can understand you thinking I must have an ulterior motive. It's only natural. She probably believed that as well. But that is the problem. People can't see beyond the trees. Being this 'good' is not natural. One has to tame natural instinct for the overal benefit of everyone. This is not something most people understand or even believe is a virtue. But that again is the problem. This does not mean I am a weak, impassionate lover. I can go crazy when all is right.

 

That's why i am attracted to messed up women - because I want to help. Just never had one that was a train wrecked whore before. Just too much for me to handle and I got too close .

It may be real to **** a girl and then go in and brag about it to someone you know actually cared, but it is hardly what caring, civilized people do.

 

I am not a balless dude hiding behind a nice faced, I am an everyday man trying to be the better man we should all be.

It shows really what kind of person you are to want to confess feelings to someone you now call a whore. It kind of questions you intent for being "good". You got charged to the game. Deal with it!

Edited September 25, 2012 by joystickd

[ThaWholigan]

It shows really what kind of person you are to want to confess feelings to someone you now call a whore. It kind of questions you intent for being "good". You got charged to the game. Deal with it!

Thought I was the only one who clocked that

 

OP, being good had nothing to do with it, you just got suckered. The best thing you can do is stop focusing on the idea of you being good as an indicator for finishing last, and recognize that when it comes to attraction and girls who fall for "players", you have to understand the dynamics to the scenario.

 

Forget the whole thing and put it behind you, and think about how to maintain that "good" persona and augment it with some honesty, awareness and reserve. And next time, don't fall for the damsel in distress shacked up with the "zero dude". Keep your emotional investments measured.

[SJC2008]

Why waste your time with a woman who had an affair with a married man and who gets married to someone in 6 months? Her morals are twisted, leave her where she belongs, with the other jerks.

[bob the brave]

According to Webster's dicitonary a whore is 'a promiscuous or immoral woman'.

 

She had sex with a married man after having met his wife and his 5 year old daughter just for fun. I think calling promiscuous women 'whores' is a double standard. I think women having multiple partners is fine, just not married ones with kids. That makes you a whore.

 

As for the train wreck part here is some detail. She is 38, smokes, I've seen her drink till she passes out twice, has a DWI and a 3 year old son she never sees or talks about. She also got in an accident 6 years ago that left one leg ****ed up and unbendable. She also has Hoshimotos' thyroiditis a potentially serious autoimmune disease. I think that qualifies as 'train wreck'.

 

Calling something what it is is not being bad. It just is bad. I still wanted to help in whatever way she needed. She just didn't need my help.

 

And you're definitely right, I did, indeed, get caught up in the game just as much as the player. But the end game would have been different.

[bob the brave]

According to Webster's dicitonary a whore is 'a promiscuous or immoral woman'.

She had sex with a married man after having met his wife and his 5 year old daughter just for fun. I think calling promiscuous women 'whores' is a double standard. I think women having multiple partners is fine, just not married ones with kids. That makes you a whore.

As for the train wreck part here is some detail. She is 38, smokes, I've seen her drink till she passes out twice, has a DWI and a 3 year old son she never sees or talks about. She also got in an accident 6 years ago that left one leg ****ed up and unbendable. She also has Hoshimotos' thyroiditis a potentially serious autoimmune disease. I think that qualifies as 'train wreck'.

Calling something what it is is not being bad. It just is bad. I still wanted to help in whatever way she needed. She just didn't need my help.

And you're definitely right, I did, indeed, get caught up in the game just as much as the player. But the end game would have been different.

[CptObvious]

You lost a piece of trash to a better looking man. Whether or not you know it, you won.

[joystickd]

According to Webster's dicitonary a whore is 'a promiscuous or immoral woman'.

 

She had sex with a married man after having met his wife and his 5 year old daughter just for fun. I think calling promiscuous women 'whores' is a double standard. I think women having multiple partners is fine, just not married ones with kids. That makes you a whore.

 

As for the train wreck part here is some detail. She is 38, smokes, I've seen her drink till she passes out twice, has a DWI and a 3 year old son she never sees or talks about. She also got in an accident 6 years ago that left one leg ****ed up and unbendable. She also has Hoshimotos' thyroiditis a potentially serious autoimmune disease. I think that qualifies as 'train wreck'.

 

Calling something what it is is not being bad. It just is bad. I still wanted to help in whatever way she needed. She just didn't need my help.

 

And you're definitely right, I did, indeed, get caught up in the game just as much as the player. But the end game would have been different.

You just talk all this stuff now because she didn't want you. If it was the opposite she would be singing a different tune. The reality you are not so nice. Save the nice guy act you did everything for the benefit of you. Say whatever you want but deep down you know its true

[bob the brave]

thanks, everybody for the insight. Some really good stuff. Definitely keep it all in mind next time.

 

I don't play games and got caught up with some professional players. Pros vs Joes. Way out of my leauge.

 

Gonna keep my head up and mouth shut and be way more careful where I put my heart next time round.

[grkBoy]

thanks, everybody for the insight. Some really good stuff. Definitely keep it all in mind next time.

 

I don't play games and got caught up with some professional players. Pros vs Joes. Way out of my leauge.

 

Gonna keep my head up and mouth shut and be way more careful where I put my heart next time round.

 

Best thing I've learned in life is to treat "she likes bad boys" as a red flag when it comes to women.

 

So a potential girl you see, no matter how hot she is or how "amazing" you think she is, treat the fact that she likes playas, douchebags, bad boys, jerks, etc...as a red flag.

 

Pick another trait in women you don't like. For me it's obesity. Then put "she likes bad boys" as somehow "equal" to that. It gives your mind clarity and you don't get swept up in the "hope" she'll "come around".

[lino]

According to Webster's dicitonary a whore is 'a promiscuous or immoral woman'.

 

She had sex with a married man after having met his wife and his 5 year old daughter just for fun. I think calling promiscuous women 'whores' is a double standard. I think women having multiple partners is fine, just not married ones with kids. That makes you a whore.

 

As for the train wreck part here is some detail. She is 38, smokes, I've seen her drink till she passes out twice, has a DWI and a 3 year old son she never sees or talks about. She also got in an accident 6 years ago that left one leg ****ed up and unbendable. She also has Hoshimotos' thyroiditis a potentially serious autoimmune disease. I think that qualifies as 'train wreck'.

 

Calling something what it is is not being bad. It just is bad. I still wanted to help in whatever way she needed. She just didn't need my help.

 

And you're definitely right, I did, indeed, get caught up in the game just as much as the player. But the end game would have been different.

 

I would say next time, don't be the good guy but it seems like a blessing in disguise... GOing by the above, it doesn't seem like you missed out on much.

[Imported]

You may or may not be a good guy, but you're letting people treat you like a doormat. Doormats finish last, not good guys. That guy treats you like that because you let him. Man the **** up!

[LittlePrince]

According to women, a good guy puts her orgasm before his own so he would finish last, but this is my party and I'll finish when I want to thank you very much.

[Imported]

 

So a potential girl you see, no matter how hot she is or how "amazing" you think she is, treat the fact that she likes playas, douchebags, bad boys, jerks, etc...as a red flag.

 

Pick another trait in women you don't like. For me it's obesity. Then put "she likes bad boys" as somehow "equal" to that. It gives your mind clarity and you don't get swept up in the "hope" she'll "come around".[/QuOTE]

 

Those guys are just guys. Little confused virgin guys that have no clue about women just like to comfort themselves by labeling those guys down.