Do you think she's really done?

[imissher123]

Long story short, my ex and I were really good for a year and a half. We connected really well, never been more comfortable with anybody else. I hurt her a few times because it was obvious she was more into me than her.

 

Two weeks ago, I broke up with her kinda to win an argument, to make a point that I was uncomfortable with her talking to this guy. I realize I was being insecure and jealous, and I normally am not.

 

Anyways I thought this would be easy to fix. I went back to her house the next morning, told her it was a mistake, had brought her flowers and such. Didnt really work, she wanted me to give her time to think.

 

I left her alone a few days, went to meet her after work one day and on the way to her house I saw her at these apartment buildings, her truck that is. She was there with that guy, I confronted them and she told me they were just talking about me, like what she should do because she's really confused and hurt.

 

I told her she's never given me a reason not to trust her, so I did.

 

she texts me after I leave, told me she loves me and I'm really special to her, she just had to think about things without all the pressure. She wasnt into any other guys and she told me she for sure wouldnt be, especially not til she clarified things.

 

 

I left her a lone a couple more days, went to talk to her again, told her I still considered us together (facebook haha) and she told me facebook could change. she got really pissed because I wasn't giving her space or something. It didnt make sense to me, I had hurt her by not being there for her, and now she doesnt want me there at all? How can that be a good thing?

 

 

So 3-4 days later I show up at her house to talk to her, I'm in a good mood but she' swith one of her friends and let me tell you this girl didn't seem anything like the girl I was dating. She said she was hurt and just sick of hurting. She gave me all these excuses about how we grew apart and such and that she was done. I was like ok, and I gave her all the sentimental stuff back that we had made for eachother. I told her I didnt think we grew apart, I mean **** we were taking baths together 4 weeks ago.

 

So I go home, devastated. We used to talk about marriage. A future, her supporting me through med school. Kids, dreams, always including eachother like it was no doubt we'd be together. Finally Im like 'Ok, its over, I'm going to get over this." So I delete her off facebook, block her, I had given everything back, deleted her number, it was done. She hadnt changed her facebook password, and I knew she was checking mine pretty often (ours were ilove____1, using eachothers names) so I was like why hasnt she changed hers if shes done?

 

I get a text. I know its her number because I have it memorized. "Why'd you block me?"

 

What the fuuuckkk, why do you even care? If you're completely done, why are you even talking to me? I text back saying "Its easier if I don't have to see you."

 

I call 2 days later, and her friend picks up. I'm like let me talk to her, she asked me a question and I answered so I deserve the same.

I talk to her, I ask her why it mattered. She said it didnt, she just wanted to know or some other beat around the bush crap like that. I told her I wanted to talk about whats been going on, and she said not right now, she'd call me later. I told her dont bother, I'll call you.

 

I call later that night at midnight told her it was important, asked her how homecoming was (she was going to go with me, then after the mess started she said she was going to go without me), and she told me she didnt go. She was like whats so important? and I was like 'It sounds dumb, but I've been feeling crappy lately and it just makes me feel good to talk to you and hear your voice.' I asked her if she was waking up feeling sick, and having dreams about me like I was her. She told me she hadn't been sleeping or eating right. Then she told me she was staying the night at a friends house and she would call me the next day.

 

So she called me the next day around 1pm when she woke up. She was like 'man I didn't sleep well at all, I think im sick" and I was like "because you're sick, or because you miss me?" all cheerful and stuff. I talked about how I was sorry I had hurt her by breaking up with her. I was sorry for not being there, I had identified what I had done wrong and I was willing to fix things and be there for her now. I asked her what do you want from me? To leave you alone? To move on? and she didnt respond. I asked her if she could really imagine me with somebody else without feeling hurt. She told me shed never sen me with anybody else so she didnt know. I told her to stop lying, when she had only THOUGHT i cheated on her she completely broke down.

 

I told her girl, you love me. I love you. We obviously still care about eachother. So why don't we just stop being like this and get back to making eachother happy? And she was like 'I am happy.' I said "Happier than you were with me?" and she said she didnt know.

 

I invited her to this festival that we went to our very first date on, and she said no, it was too far in advance (2 months). I told her I wanted it was my last ditch effort, a second chance. A startover, try again. She told me she'd come to me when she was ready to try again, but not anytime soon. I was like What's soon? and she said "I don't know." I said "what if you don't come back?" and she said "I will."

 

 

She's never given me a reason not to trust her. She's always been honest and straight forward, down to earth, been there for me no matter what. Put cream on my ass when I got surgery. Everything. There wasnt a thing we werent comfortable doing around eachother.

 

After that I felt better, that last phone call felt like we were back on communicating terms. No venom, no upset, no anger. It was nice and it made me feel good. A few close female friends chastised me for not giving her space in the beginning, and told me to give her space now and that it wouldn't take long for her to miss me. I haven't talked to her since that phone call (3 days ago), but each day gets harder and harder. Do you think she'll really come back? I mean if I'm completely done with somebody, I wouldn't be checking their facebook. I wouldnt care if they blocked me. I certainly wouldn't be taking/sending phone calls. What do yall think?

 

If anything seems unclear, let me know. I'm 18, she's 17. Freshman in college, she's a senior in high school. She lost her dad a few years ago, her moms an alcoholic and she definitely has abandonment issues. I love her to death though, she's a great, creative girl with drive, knows what she wants out of life and is setting out to get it. Hard worker, big heart. I was never intentionally mean to her, I just didn't realize that at some point I stopped respecting her and started taking her for granted and we lost the communication that used to be our strongest point. I know I messed up and I want to fix it, and she knows that too. I thought maybe she just had to get over the fact that I had hurt her, forgive me, and finally come back. But I'm not sure. I know we seem too young to discuss such things, and I know that there's no such thing as "the one," but our unique family situation led us to depend on eachother and we developed a crazy strong connection, we know eachother better than our family members. I'd do anything to fix things with this girl, and i know I can maker her proud and happy, I just need the chance.

 

Opinions?

[salmagundi]

Honestly, and I hate to say it, but it sounds to me like by breaking up with her, you offered her an out and she took it. I think if you hadn't have broken up with her, she would have broken up with you not long after too be with this guy. It sounds to me like he's been waiting in the wings and she is probably now exploring things with him. She hasn't been definitive with you because she wants to try this guy out and if it doesn,t work out, maybe she will be back.

 

Nothing you can do about her and what she is thinking/feeling/doing though. You on the other hand, you are going about this all wrong. FLowers after the breakup? Great idea, its just that she didn't want to get back together...like I say...she seized her chance...she just wasn't waiting by the phone for the makeup call...sorry.

 

But all that chasing after? Man, that never works but ALL guys do it. Stop it! Stop it right ****ing now! You are only pushing her away, creating resistance in her and confirming her in her choice to leave you. Leave her well alone from now on. You are broken up. Do not listen to her **** about waiting around for her to come back because she won't be. Or at least probably not and if you wait around and she doesn't come back you will feel like a fool and will have wasted time better spent on getting over her and finding someone else...

 

Leave the ball in her court. Don't try to convince to come back, that you've changed or anything...you cannot make a woman feel anything she isn't feeling. But you sure as hell can make her stop feeling whatever she may (or may not) still be feeling for you. Leave her be and let her come back to you, because its the only way she will, even if she doesn't, which she probably won't...

[imissher123]

Honestly, and I hate to say it, but it sounds to me like by breaking up with her, you offered her an out and she took it. I think if you hadn't have broken up with her, she would have broken up with you not long after too be with this guy. It sounds to me like he's been waiting in the wings and she is probably now exploring things with him. She hasn't been definitive with you because she wants to try this guy out and if it doesn,t work out, maybe she will be back.

 

Nothing you can do about her and what she is thinking/feeling/doing though. You on the other hand, you are going about this all wrong. FLowers after the breakup? Great idea, its just that she didn't want to get back together...like I say...she seized her chance...she just wasn't waiting by the phone for the makeup call...sorry.

 

But all that chasing after? Man, that never works but ALL guys do it. Stop it! Stop it right ****ing now! You are only pushing her away, creating resistance in her and confirming her in her choice to leave you. Leave her well alone from now on. You are broken up. Do not listen to her **** about waiting around for her to come back because she won't be. Or at least probably not and if you wait around and she doesn't come back you will feel like a fool and will have wasted time better spent on getting over her and finding someone else...

 

Leave the ball in her court. Don't try to convince to come back, that you've changed or anything...you cannot make a woman feel anything she isn't feeling. But you sure as hell can make her stop feeling whatever she may (or may not) still be feeling for you. Leave her be and let her come back to you, because its the only way she will, even if she doesn't, which she probably won't...

 

The guy is irrelevant. He was a friend when she didn't have any, and she told me after this big deal happened that she wasnt talking to him anymore because of some **** he said about her (disrespectful guy) that I found out about. Point is, I know for sure nothing was going on between them.

 

edit: and as far as the 'way out,' thats what I thought too. Until I tried to make my way out and she started all this crap about getting upset when I blocked her or whatever. I don't plan on waiting long, but I don't want her to have a change of heart and me have to tell her I slept with other women.

[salmagundi]

Ok maybe its not THAT guy, but it is A guy. Women don't put men on the back burner to make more time for yoga classes. They do it so that they can explore knowing they have a fallback guy acting as a safety net. Her freaking out when you block her is just her blowing a little hot to make sure you don't go away...too far...

 

I mean, I hope I'm wrong but in my fairly considerable experience, this is how it is.

 

Good luck:)

[sadguy82]

If you love something let it go, If it comes back to you it's yours, If it doesn't it never was... Back off bro, Let her go off and become a woman on her own. She will be back some day if you give her the chance to live and be free for a while. Go get yourself some in the meantime....