is it my paranoia or intuition?

[a_human_guy]

Hi thanks for reading. Not sure what section this would go in.

 

I like to make my own decisions and I have thought long and hard about this. But I feel I really need more perspective from others on this one.

 

I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 6 months now. We have never met in person, we live very far away.

We have had many great conversations and connect alot and share many views and beliefs in common. We both feel the other is just the person we've always wanted. I love her. She really seems to love and tells me she does and want to be with me forever and for me to try living with her.

 

The trouble is that although she seems to be my perfect dream woman, yet more and more though I keep noticing hints or signs that she is lying to me, and lying is the biggest deal breaker for me possible! At first I let them go, giving her the benefit of the doubt, but little things keeps happening and then I remember the older things and occasionally all of them together are greatly distressing to me.

Points to consider are:

-I have trust issues to begin with. I have watched a person lie to my face when I knew 100% the person was lying and was amazed at the depth and length of the fabricated story, and how persistent the person was in lying even after I told the person I knew!

-Things that happen are never total proof that I'm being lied too, and I understand that her characteristic speech to begin with is to not speak with extreme accuracy about things (something I am do alot). In fact, she can "lie" by accident, if that makes sense, and that is not really a big deal.

 

-the things in question are:

-times of events not adding up

-sounds in the background (or lack of sounds) that do not correspond to where she says she is.

-telling me at different times, different stories for what happen when things did not make sense

-when I point out the discrepancies, modifying her stories of what happen to where it eventually is *possible*.

-she sometimes uses fallacies of communication when I ask valid questions such as red herrings and appeal to emotions, instead of answering my question.

-gut feelings that sometimes she is lying ( (i know everyone says to trust one's gut but my gut has been wrong before in the past!!)

-Her bodily actions do not always correspond with how she says she is

-what she says before sometimes is different and contradicts what she tells me later. (how can i put it... in small yet still disturbing ways??)

-Am I seeing signs that I am being told serious lies???

-I know that people are not perfect. I'm willing to forgive many things.

 

 

the other hand:

-i do not want to end our relationship if I might be mistaken, since if she is not lying to me, she is like a dream come true, just the woman I would want to be with and cherish my entire life.

-the rest of her character seems trustable and genuine and does not seem like a lier.

-there are many signs that she really does love me.

-there are amazing things between us I've never experienced in a relationship (and its not sexual).

-i cannot figure out what her motive for lying would be.

-I have a great fear of being decieved, I fear getting very attached over a long time, then getting my heart crushed.

-I know I analyze things alot.

-I am paranoid. My imagination goes wild about others things outside of my relationship. That's just how I am. She knows this, and recently has said that I am unable to trust her instead of answering me when I pointed out

 

Okay I will stop although I've probably left out pertinent information haha

 

I will appreciate any outside perspectives on my situation. Thank you.

 

edit: again, since its a long distance relationship, it seems so much harder to really know. If i go to live with her might these things clear away??

Edited September 24, 2012 by a_human_guy
long distance

[B00ska]

In regards to intuition: If it is intuition then there will be no emotion tied to it during the moment of realization.

 

In regards to paranoia: If it is paranoia then there will be emotion tied to it during the moment of realization.

 

The emotion is the indicator between the two.

 

Hope that helps!

[Brooklynkid]

You said you never physically met her yet? So how do you know it's really love. For all you know there might not be any chemistry between the two of you when you do meet. I think you are being very unreasonable and living in a fantasy land. Your gut is trying to tell you something. Listen to it because it will never steer you wrong. Forget this person and move on. Go out in the real world and meet a real flesh and blood human being instead of a fantasy lady who is as real as a paper doll.

Edited September 28, 2012 by Brooklynkid
sp