Meg717 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Back story: I'm 28, he's 26..We were together for a total of 5 1/2 years...engaged for 2...we were going to have a little wedding ceremony for family this September..He broke up with me in Feb. - Moved out in March - stored his stuff at my house until June 14th when he got an apartment and moved it all out. I was devastated when he broke up with me, held onto our relationship while his stuff was stored at my place and then when it was gone, I broke down again.. Side note: he started hooking up with a coworker mid March and dating her facebook official in May. (A friend told me I'm not friends with him on FB) From June 14th until Sept 5th there was NO communication. I worked on myself, I was in a good place, feeling confident, and ready to continue on with my life. Sept 5th he calls and tells me how his gf dragged him through the mud, treated him like sh*t, was still talking to her ex and lying about it, cheating on him, etc. I was happy to hear it bc in April I told him I hoped he'd experience the pain he put me through...and he did. So all of a sudden he wants me back - fighting hard for me. I keep telling him, I don't think he's ready. I think he's just afraid of being alone, he needs time to be single, etc. He says no he knows what he wants, his new exgf made him realize how he was a horrible person to me and he was ready to change. He asks to hang out a few times, we do. I keep telling him I'm unsure of what I want, that I'm afraid he's going to hurt me again when he realizes he didn't have enough time to figure out who he is..blah blah...so finally he agrees to a month of no contact, he lasted 2 days..we talked for a few more days and he agreed to it again and this time he lasted 3 days. One of my conditions was that he needed therapy, that he was damaged and I know the destruction he is capable of. So the last time he broke NC was Saturday, while on the phone he told me he had an appointment with a therapist for today. I was happy. Sunday he is texting me all day, he wants me to come over and hang out with him when he gets out of work, I tell him I don't think it's a smart idea bc eventually we're going to have to go NC again. He calls me when he gets out of work, we're talking, I tell him his sister text me and we were talking, he makes a comment that it must have been sibling intuition for her to text me. I ask if he put her up to it and he said no not at all...so we're talking about his therapy appointment and he says that he can't wait, he's going to go in an talk about everything and really start working on himself. He then says that "I've been really thinking about everything you've been saying and you're right this is a huge gamble and I'm not sure it's all going to work out in the end." WTF!!! I LOSE IT!! I go off on him!! His reasoning is that he feels that since we've been through so much that as a couple we may not be 100%. Fine if that's how he feels. My anger/upsetness came from the fact that I was his sound board through his process and that I allowed myself to emotionally attach again. I tried to stay as neutral as possible with my emotions and feelings, when he was crying that he loved me and wanted me back. Today we talked again and I told him I don't want to hear from him unless its calling me to say i'm 100% sure I want you back. He says well let's be realistic what if that's not the case, and then i say so you've worked up all this hope in me over the past 3 weeks and now you're just ripping it away. He says that he never thought I had hope because I never seemed like I wanted him back. After a lot of arguing semantics we decided no communication and if it's meant to be it will be. So two questions...what are your thoughts on the situation? I started talking to a guy I met online the week before my ex called and my first date with this guy was the day before my ex called. I like this guy and he has no clue this is going on. What do I do? I don't want to wait for my ex but I also feel it's unfair for this poor innocent bystander to become a victim of this drama.
KatZee Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 He's bored and lonely. He wanted to see if you were still around so he tugged on the leash and there you were. Ol' Faithful. Now he's not so interested anymore. He knows you're there on the back burner. So there is no real urgency to be with you. Don't go barking up this tree again. He hurt you once, badly. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." He'll do it again. Once the "newness" wears off he'll continue right where he left off. If you've met someone new, go with that. Keep looking forwards, not backwards. 1
ZhaoZilong5 Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Well, you made a prediction, and it came true. I probably would have done the same thing as him. He put himself out there for reconciliation, but instead of communication, you wanted NC. I for one wouldn't expect my reconciliations to work out either without contact. NC is for healing with the side effect of making your ex miss you. Once they want you back, then that's when we act like adults and openly communicate. It's understandable; you were afraid of getting hurt. However, going into any situation with a fatalistic attitude inhibits success.
Recommended Posts