lollipopbandit Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I haven't logged into my old messenger since we broke up and lately I've been thinking about my ex more than usual. I don't know why but maybe it's because we ended our relationship in a bad fight earlier this year? Maybe I miss him because we were close friends for 7 years and spent 4 of those years as a couple? But anyway I became involved in a relationship with someone else over the summer and so has he. I finally logged into the messenger account that I haven't been on since March to check and see if I had any new messages (from him) but I didn't. I was curious if he still even logged onto his account so I left my laptop and messenger on for two days to see what would happen, and I didn't see him log in even though he could have while I was asleep, but there was no indication that he did . I don't know why I have this urge to pursue this curiosity, perhaps I have unresolved feelings or needed closure I thought, so I typed him a message apologizing for my past mistakes and he just so happened to hop onto his messenger and reply later on that night, saying the only reason why he kept that account open was because he knew that type of message would be coming from me. He too apologized for his past mistakes as well then said that he still misses me and will always love me but also that he has moved on and never wants to see me again. I didn't say I love him back because I was trying to respect our current relationships and to not seem hung up over him (mostly my ego) so I just wished him well and haven't left him any messages since. But after that I've been camping out leaving my laptop on with the messenger open for the last 3 nights. And he's been popping up more often and leaving without saying so much as a word to me each time, but he's starting to stay logged in for longer periods of time and we both still haven't said anything else to each other although I have noticed a rampant influx of messages from random strangers with weird nicknames trying to talk to me, but I ignore them. I've been hovering because I do miss my best friend and he used to tell me all the time that no one else understands him like I do. I've secretly visited his page on a social network where I can only see what he chooses to make visible to the public, and I've noticed that a lot of cryptic songs and sayings were posted after I had contacted him, whereas before there weren't any prior posts similar to those, but when we were together he used to post or share links like those with me quite often for me to interpret. And what he's implying is a mixture of snubbing me and saying that he is bigger and better now than what I perceived him to be while we were together, but that he still thinks of me and carries me in his heart. I know we should not get back together because two other people are now involved in our lives and throughout our relationship all we did was hurt each other and play games kinda like I think we're doing now, but it's obvious we're both not making any effort in trying to stay away from each other. The messenger is really the only thing that keeps us connected. But any thoughts on where this might go especially since we both obviously want to be around each other?
Tiera D Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 your thinking too much he has move on and so should you,do anything more will cause more bad things to happen TD
Minka333 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Don't take these things too seriously. You are both taken. Prolly he just needs attention to feed his ego.
Author lollipopbandit Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) Thanks Tiera and Minka, I think you're both right so I just decided to let go even though he still pops up on that messenger and I deleted my account and is now in the process of removing the messenger from my computer. All I think I did was cause myself pain though. I don't know if I'm being overly dramatic but for whatever reason I'm all crying over it so must mean I still have some deep feelings. I guess I'll move on completely and never look back again. What kept me hooked I guess was his last words to me the night I wrote the forgiveness message: "I/don't/hate you./I/just/don't/ever/want/to/see/you/again. My/heart/cannot do/this/anymore./and/the/person/I/am/with/deserves/all/of/my/heart. I/can't give/that/to/her/if/you/are/around. If/I/know/you/are/around. So/please,/let this/be/goodbye. Use/aliases/and/things/like/you/used/to. I/don't/want/to/find you/if/I/go/looking." I didn't want him to look for me in case he was still hanging on and it gave me hope we could be close friends and maybe the friendship aspect would be intact because we both have other people but maybe it's all wrong and was to begin with. Anyway 7 year long chapter is now officially closed. Edited September 27, 2012 by lollipopbandit
Tiera D Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 And i consider this thread closed.Good luck to you and congratz on getting closure TD
stillafool Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 He is telling you he wants to honor his current relationship and that the two of you will not get back together. Good that you have deleted all of your contact information so he can't reach you. You need to honor your current relationship by not contacting your ex. It is clear you are not over him and that isn't fair to your now bf. If you are using him to try to get over your bf it isn't fair and you need to let him go.
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