MonsterMash Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Lets say hypothetically you're married or have a long term girlfriend and you find out she's cheating. You confront her about it and she does the typical, I'm a caught cheater dance of "I'm so sorry. It was a simple mistake. I'll never do it again" bull****. Now...hypothetically again, you're at a bar a few days later thinking about things and you just happen to trip and land penis first into a aspiring supermodel. Lets just say that happens occasionally. So, in the interest of truth and honesty, you admit your indiscretion to your wife or girlfriend the next day. And then she blows up, exorcist style...head spinning around and pea soup flying everywhere and she actually says YOUR cheating was somehow worse because you "did it to get back at her." I so do not get the whole double standard thing. Personally I think they don't like how being cheated on feels and they overreact. Your thoughts?
BetrayedH Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Both are wayward; both are betrayed. It's not even. It's not twice as hard. It's exponentially more difficult (to reconcile) because both must commit to transparency, non-defensiveness, etc as a wayward and they must do it from the vantage point of a betrayed spouse that doesn't trust the wayward they're doing it for. It's a freakin' mess and if either of them feels one affair is worse than another, you can call off the reconciliation right then.
Author MonsterMash Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Both are wayward; both are betrayed. It's not even. It's not twice as hard. It's exponentially more difficult (to reconcile) because both must commit to transparency, non-defensiveness, etc as a wayward and they must do it from the vantage point of a betrayed spouse that doesn't trust the wayward they're doing it for. It's a freakin' mess and if either of them feels one affair is worse than another, you can call off the reconciliation right then. Oh I agree. But really my question was what's the reasoning behind feeling *more* betrayed for doing essentially the same thing.?
loveunlimited Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 because the h is not only a cheater, and knows how much it hurts but is also a lying hypocrite? I dunno. I haven't spoken to many people who've cheated and been cheated on so its guesswork.
BetrayedH Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Oh I agree. But really my question was what's the reasoning behind feeling *more* betrayed for doing essentially the same thing.? Oh I think it's just that the 1st wayward typically thinks that their affair was never to hurt the BS because it "wasn't planned," or it was an accident or a mistake and so forth. As you mentioned, they slipped, tripped, and landed on the other person's genitals in a hotel room that they accidentally reserved the week before. But the 2nd wayward knew exactly how much it hurt and did it "on purpose." I obviously agree that it is nonsense. Both parties are equally in the wrong. No one affair is worse than the other. 5
Furious Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Cheaters don't like being cheated on. It's like a bugler who gets pissed off when his own house gets broken into...lol.. 5
carhill Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 IMO, it's difficult, neigh nearly impossible, to qualify and quantify the irrational realities of emotion with any cogent, reasonable and consistent process of deduction and conclusion. In the example, the id rules. Self-interested denial subverts care and/or impartial examination of the actions/dynamic. Preservation of self rules the day, even if by irrational means. This process can vary from moment to moment as to specifics. The picture painted in the hypothetical could look completely different ten seconds from now, depending on the emotional process of the painter. In the example, the painter (long-term girlfriend) is a woman, but could just as easily be a man.
road Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Because one cheats does not mean that it makes them more acceptable of being cheated on. Not everyone cheats. Some do cheat. Though everyone does not want to be cheated on.
beenburned Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I agree with Furious, cheaters don't like to be cheated on! Look at all the post of OW who found out their MM had an OOW behind their back. Or worse their MM was a serial cheater with multiple OW.
Madman81 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Lets say hypothetically you're married or have a long term girlfriend and you find out she's cheating. You confront her about it and she does the typical, I'm a caught cheater dance of "I'm so sorry. It was a simple mistake. I'll never do it again" bull****. Now...hypothetically again, you're at a bar a few days later thinking about things and you just happen to trip and land penis first into a aspiring supermodel. Lets just say that happens occasionally. So, in the interest of truth and honesty, you admit your indiscretion to your wife or girlfriend the next day. And then she blows up, exorcist style...head spinning around and pea soup flying everywhere and she actually says YOUR cheating was somehow worse because you "did it to get back at her." I so do not get the whole double standard thing. Personally I think they don't like how being cheated on feels and they overreact. Your thoughts? I see no difference, personally. Attempts on the part of one of the two cheaters to somehow make the other's transgression "worse" are really just attempts to alleviate their OWN guilt.
lukas Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 The only situations I can see where there would be reason to have a double standard is the following: one person has a one night stand, while the other has prolonged affairs and possibly has lied for the entire duration of the relationship. One mistake vs a relationship of lies. While both parties are clearly in the wrong, I would argue the one with the long term pattern of deception is worse
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