mommac40 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I was really thankful to find this site. I have been crying on and off since last night and I don't know how to be ok with the things my daughter told me last night. I love her so much and I have been reading and researching every site about how to talk to your "lesbian daughter" i can get into. I want to just be like hey no big deal, but my heart is broken that everything I thought her future would hold and be seems to be gone. I know this is a small part of who she is but it seems like a huge part. She is in her second year of college where there is a large lesbian community, which when her friends were gay I was fine with it because she had a longtime boyfriend so I thought she was solid in her sexuality. She is going to school across the country and her best friend is a lesbian. A few months ago her boyfriend broke up with her one reason being she is so far away and other reasons of course but she was completely crushed by this. Broken like I've never seen before.She told me she thought they would be together for ever and how much she loved him. She of course turned to her BFF at school for council and comfort since I am so far away, during this time of heartache. Now she tells me last night that she and her BFF that was already a open lesbian are now a couple. I don't know what to think. I want to believe this is not going to be a life lasting decision but I am afraid if it is how her life and our family will be excepted and change. I told her I love her no matter what she decides but my heart is broken that I feel the daughter I raised to go to college, get married (to a man), and have a family is gone. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I have read so much information but I can't help what a lifetime of beliefs has taught me and I thought her as well. I am just a lost mom that loves her daughter and never saw this coming and is struggleing to know how to deal with this new chapter in her life. I hope I haven't offended anyone I just can't seem to stop crying and want help and someone to talk to. I can't tell anyone what she has told me she has asked me to not say anything.
GorillaTheater Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I remember when my oldest daughter announced that she was bisexual. As it turns out, that probably wasn't the case at all, but whether it is or isn't your job is to love her regardless, full stop. 3
MonsterMash Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I was really thankful to find this site. I have been crying on and off since last night and I don't know how to be ok with the things my daughter told me last night. I love her so much and I have been reading and researching every site about how to talk to your "lesbian daughter" i can get into. I want to just be like hey no big deal, but my heart is broken that everything I thought her future would hold and be seems to be gone. I know this is a small part of who she is but it seems like a huge part. She is in her second year of college where there is a large lesbian community, which when her friends were gay I was fine with it because she had a longtime boyfriend so I thought she was solid in her sexuality. She is going to school across the country and her best friend is a lesbian. A few months ago her boyfriend broke up with her one reason being she is so far away and other reasons of course but she was completely crushed by this. Broken like I've never seen before.She told me she thought they would be together for ever and how much she loved him. She of course turned to her BFF at school for council and comfort since I am so far away, during this time of heartache. Now she tells me last night that she and her BFF that was already a open lesbian are now a couple. I don't know what to think. I want to believe this is not going to be a life lasting decision but I am afraid if it is how her life and our family will be excepted and change. I told her I love her no matter what she decides but my heart is broken that I feel the daughter I raised to go to college, get married (to a man), and have a family is gone. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I have read so much information but I can't help what a lifetime of beliefs has taught me and I thought her as well. I am just a lost mom that loves her daughter and never saw this coming and is struggleing to know how to deal with this new chapter in her life. I hope I haven't offended anyone I just can't seem to stop crying and want help and someone to talk to. I can't tell anyone what she has told me she has asked me to not say anything. Shes in college. A lot of girls experiment there. And with the breakup fresh in her mind...I could see where she'd want/need female companionship. It is what it is. If its a phase, or if she truly is a lesbian ....it doesn't matter. Shes still your daughter. Be there for her and offer guidance when asked. But don't judge. Shes still the same kid she always was yanno? 1
loveunlimited Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Both my sister and aunt are lesbians. It's just a term, it's just a preference, it may be possible she is bisexual it really doesn't matter; she is your daughter. lesbians can still have children, they still have wombs and can be impregnated. For goodness' sake, I have to apologise, this is one subject i really feel very strongly about, i have already had to deal with one bigot person on here with warped, 18th century backward religious ideas about homosexuality, that i am liable to lose my temper which i will try to not do. Being a lesbian is no more warped than being heterosexual, it just means you love like-for-like, why should it matter? Really, from last week to today has she become some weird zombie-like creature? Of course not. The initial shock will wear off. Frankly when my sister 'came out' we already knew my aunt was a lesbian, and she threw her arms up in mock horror, and said "Christ, two in the family!", and my mum exclaimed "see what you've done, this is all your fault because you take her shopping!" It was all good-humoured sarcastic tongue in cheek, and we played "sisters are doing it for themselves" very loudly on the radio. If she is bright, intelligent and studying that is a blessing. think how much worse you would feel if she told you 'mum I've been doing crack for a year with my BF Jim and now I'm pregnant', I think that would be worse. What I am saying is, count your blessings, she is still your daughter and at least she had the couyrage to talk to you. 1
carhill Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Perhaps now would be a good time to seek spiritual counsel regarding providing love for your daughter in alignment with your belief system regarding loving one's family. Counsel may assist in separating the 'gay' issue from the 'my daughter' issue and provide clarity. You may not agree with nor believe in her current/prospective/historical sexual orientation. That's healthy. She's your daughter; a human you created and nurtured through your love. Her adult choices don't change that elemental relationship. The only constant in life, other than death, is change. You were just served up a plate of change. It's up to you what you do with that. You have choices. Good luck and welcome to LS 1
pink_sugar Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 (edited) She's still very young and while I've only been in one relationship...I've identified myself as bi-curious. I can't say bi-sexual since I haven't had a relationship with a woman, but I equally find men and women very attractive and have had cases where I've had thoughts of being more than friends...like your daughter. However, she is my age and it doesn't sound like anything is for certain. IF she is attracted to women, she could be bisexual. She's obviously attracted to men and it probably experimenting after this rough breakup and looking for love and comfort. I wouldn't get riled up and start coming to conclusions yet. Love her and be there for her right now and see what happens. But really, her sexual preference really doesn't make her as a person. My husband recently learned that I'm bi-curious and it hasn't changed his thoughts of me as a person or perception of me. Edited September 24, 2012 by pink_sugar 1
todreaminblue Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I was really thankful to find this site. I have been crying on and off since last night and I don't know how to be ok with the things my daughter told me last night. I love her so much and I have been reading and researching every site about how to talk to your "lesbian daughter" i can get into. I want to just be like hey no big deal, but my heart is broken that everything I thought her future would hold and be seems to be gone. I know this is a small part of who she is but it seems like a huge part. She is in her second year of college where there is a large lesbian community, which when her friends were gay I was fine with it because she had a longtime boyfriend so I thought she was solid in her sexuality. She is going to school across the country and her best friend is a lesbian. A few months ago her boyfriend broke up with her one reason being she is so far away and other reasons of course but she was completely crushed by this. Broken like I've never seen before.She told me she thought they would be together for ever and how much she loved him. She of course turned to her BFF at school for council and comfort since I am so far away, during this time of heartache. Now she tells me last night that she and her BFF that was already a open lesbian are now a couple. I don't know what to think. I want to believe this is not going to be a life lasting decision but I am afraid if it is how her life and our family will be excepted and change. I told her I love her no matter what she decides but my heart is broken that I feel the daughter I raised to go to college, get married (to a man), and have a family is gone. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I have read so much information but I can't help what a lifetime of beliefs has taught me and I thought her as well. I am just a lost mom that loves her daughter and never saw this coming and is struggleing to know how to deal with this new chapter in her life. I hope I haven't offended anyone I just can't seem to stop crying and want help and someone to talk to. I can't tell anyone what she has told me she has asked me to not say anything. My oldest daughter and i had a talk about this topic recently she used to have that she was bi sexual as her status it wasn't because she was it was because some guys find it hot and a lot of guys do.......just not the right ones. She regrets it now.......we also had a talk about this at my church.....you have to love regardless whether you agree or not or how broken your heart may be or what you know will be a difficult path for that loved one to take.You dont have to agree or compromise what you believe in but you must always be there for them.....loved ones means loved and that love should be unconditional. It is fact you hurt the ones you love the most...its not emotive its pure logic...why? because they are the ones who you actually give a crap about and you care how they act or feel towards others and you get hurt because they are the only ones if you think about it, who can really hurt you..they are the ones that you step up and go front line for..whether they hurt you or not, agree or not ... that should be unconditional..deb
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