Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 ya, he's well over the top clearly and not worth taking back at this point. the sooner you go NC and block him all the way out the better off you'll be. you don't need to be hearing all this. he clearly has some growing up to do.
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 She messed up but I don't believe it warrants that type of behavior. absolutely agree 110%
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I don't get some of the responses. She lied to him in some instances, yes, because she was terrified of his reactions. She didn't actually do anything malicious, or anything she would have needed to lie about in a normal, healthy relationship. Looking at the stuff he's now saying to her ... if that's a taste of what that relationship was like, I can see why she was afraid of his abuse and tried to avoid it. This is love terribly gone wrong. if you take him completely out of it and just deal with the OP behav - can't align the lying and deceit with the "it was so amazing, he was everything" (paraphrasing) - her actions were not congruent. you don't carry on like this when you have someone who rocks your world. white lies, little lies, omissions, bending of the truth, its all bullsh.t and should never happen in a healthy relationship. there was plenty of problems to go around now putting him back in, she ended up learning what she needed to know through her bad actions, so an upside if you will, that allowed her to see the real him as he would react in a stressful situation and his complete lack of maturity. A silver lining has appeared 1
xpaperxcutx Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Sorry but I don't see how theOPs behaviour even warranted such malacious attack from T. Did she really cheat? Not really. There wasn't evening substantial amount of time for to emtionally. Thevfact was, the ex tried to worm his back and she had a moment lapsed of judgment in accepting his friend request. As for Mr.Foul Mouth, he got angry because she wasn't home on time? Wasthere even an imposed curfew for the OP? Last time I'd heard aSO capable of lashing out because this or that sounds similar to an abusive relationship.. And of course, he sounded like he had all the typical attributes- being very loving and then. being passibe aggressive and verbally abusive. Yeah you've definitely dodged a bullet. 1
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Sorry but I don't see how theOPs behaviour even warranted such malacious attack from T. agreed, it didn't Did she really cheat? Not really. not really??!? oh, so there is a grey area in here where just a bit of dishonesty is ok? child please... As noted earlier cheating isn't just having a root with someone other than your partner. emotional cheating, dishonesty, these are all forms of cheating. if she is doing things that she can't be honest about with the man of her dreams then that might be a clue of a pending problem. if you just consider cheating to be physical then yes she didn't physically cheat. but there was clearly another mule kicking in the stall that the OP was allowing/encouraging/not discouraging As for Mr.Foul Mouth, he got angry because she wasn't home on time? Wasthere even an imposed curfew for the OP? lol@ curfew. But say you make a special trip far away to visit someone who says they are totally into you, set up a time to meet, then appear where your special person is who leaves you waiting, without any sort of heads up while they are out playing with others. then see how you feel. Me? message delivered, thanks for letting me see what is important to you. And I move on (without the anger or immaturity) Yeah you've definitely dodged a bullet. agree. this guy is an *******, deserves to be left in the dust. In no way do I condone any bit of his behavior. If a guy doesn't like what his girl is doing, he can figure out where the door is by himself. It doesn't require anything else, remove yourself from what makes you unhappy. When one gets angry one gets stupid 2
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 i told him to piss off after all the nasty emails he sent last night.. but he woke up in the moring and text me that do i want him back????
geegirl Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 If you love being insulted and degraded, then yes, you should take him back.
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 26, 2012 Author Posted September 26, 2012 So he said he's stressed out about his mom and not getting paid and what i did. and he was drunk , said the things he didnt mean at all, just tried to upset me.......
Minka333 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 (edited) Sorry i just had to laugh at the audacity of that nincompoop jerk to call you names. Imagine what kind of a husband you will have if you actually ended up together. So immature! I suggest everytime you miss how "perfect and amazing" he was..chant to yourself the spiteful words he hurled and it will help immediately bring you back to earth. If you get back with him and you kiss and cuddle, wouldn't it bother you that at the back of his head he is bothered by your "giant chin"..? Edited September 26, 2012 by Minka333 2
geegirl Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 So he said he's stressed out about his mom and not getting paid and what i did. and he was drunk , said the things he didnt mean at all, just tried to upset me....... So, moving forward, everytime he is stressed, he's going to demean, insult and degrade you that way. He needs to upset you/make someone else feel bad about themselves because he feels like s***? That's a sign of manipulation and control. It's perfectly fine to react when under pressure but read the things he said to you. Yes, have his children, the ones that he's freaking out about because they're as ugly as their mother. People don't just say these things. Deep down inside it speaks some truth about his spite for you. Think about these things when you decide to take him back. If you want a relationship with a man that treats you this way, by all means settle. 1
robaday Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 hate to say it, while what he did wasnt cool at all, and i would probably leave, ive done something similar, although not to the level of personal insults. i found out a girl i was dating was on a dating website, but was expecting me to be monogamous, and i was really pissed because she wasnt really giving me the full picture i.e. i should also be keeping my options open. i did lash out in anger, and its now over. im not saying what he did was good, or even forgivable, but he was hurt and lashed out in an unforgiveable way because he simply couldnt trust you.
Mike_d Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 i told him to piss off after all the nasty emails he sent last night.. but he woke up in the moring and text me that do i want him back???? oh hell no, kick this guy to the curb. there is so much better out there. the other posters above make good points as well. get a man who is strong and steady, not a weak insecure boy.
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) I only have people i know on the chating program,cuz basically you added them through you phone numbers. We met on a dating website too, he called at 1 am and wanted me to delete my account one night, i got up and did it. he said he would delete it too, which i found out a couple of days ago that he never did.. I am back to my parents' house to see my sick grandma for a few days right now, he said i am with my ex .. he called me , said wanted to fix this, still want to marry me .... i said no. he started say nasty things again, like your ex dumped u 4 the reasons i said baboon eat a banana with that overbite and store it in your huge cheeks and will dump your ugly ass again. enjoy your ugly kids..... hate to say it, while what he did wasnt cool at all, and i would probably leave, ive done something similar, although not to the level of personal insults. i found out a girl i was dating was on a dating website, but was expecting me to be monogamous, and i was really pissed because she wasnt really giving me the full picture i.e. i should also be keeping my options open. i did lash out in anger, and its now over. im not saying what he did was good, or even forgivable, but he was hurt and lashed out in an unforgiveable way because he simply couldnt trust you. Edited September 27, 2012 by whyhurtsomuch
Mike_d Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 wow.... what a catch... good riddance to bad garbage. good for you for standing your ground and telling him no. if you can go hard cold NC you'd get some relief from this clown
sendme Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 i told him the truth, but he still thinks i would go back with my ex, which i wont ever do that . instead, he emailed me back to tell me how stupid i am , how ugly i am, giant chin, giant cheeks...*******scared to have kids with me, cuz the kids will be so ugly. dont know what to think... guess it's actually a good chance to know the other side of him Listen to me... I have been in this exact situation.... literally exactly.... had a long term ex of 6 years, we ended things I started dating a new guy 3 months later, the new guy and I were amazing... absolutely amazing, great chemistry lots of fun, easy going... then my ex contacted me, I caved and contacted him... the new guy found out, I confessed, the new guy made me feel horrible about it, and that's when the verbal abuse started... and my reaction was to keep reaching out to my ex for encouragement... flash forward a year later and the verbal abuse has only gotten worse, the new guy's anger has only gotten worse, and he's become a pathological cheater... I should have walked away at the first sign of verbal abuse but I didn't.... he will probably never trust you again.... seriously not to be mean but he won't, verbal abusers instinctively hold you to a higher standard than they hold themselves and they cling to your failure to continue to demean you... and if you didn't know, and if this is the only thing you ever absorb and believe and listen to on Loveshack hear this WHAT HE SAID TO YOU IS VERBAL ABUSE.... you are precious, and amazing, and wonderfully human... that means you make mistakes and bad decisions just like all of us, we are each defined by both our good and our bad, it is the imperfection that makes us maddeningly beautiful and majestic... don't speak to him again ever, because what he is doing, what verbal abuse does is shatter little pieces of your soul, it destroys your self of self, it does so slowly... very slowly, like rust, until before you know it, you have very little sense of who you are on your own and you are completely reliant on your abuser to define you, which means you become victim to his whims of kindness and cruelty... PLEASE.... I KNOW IT WILL HURT, BUT LEAVE THIS GUY NOW, AND KNOW THAT IN DOING SO YOU ARE HONORING YOURSELF MORE THAN HE IS OR EVER WILL BE CAPABLE OF HONORING YOU 2
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks. This makes me feel a bit better, i couldnt sleep, couldnt eat,he's all over my head, everything we've done, everything we've been through.. then why would he say things like that??? i just still cant believe it. i loved him so much , i really believed he loved me too.. Listen to me... I have been in this exact situation.... literally exactly.... had a long term ex of 6 years, we ended things I started dating a new guy 3 months later, the new guy and I were amazing... absolutely amazing, great chemistry lots of fun, easy going... then my ex contacted me, I caved and contacted him... the new guy found out, I confessed, the new guy made me feel horrible about it, and that's when the verbal abuse started... and my reaction was to keep reaching out to my ex for encouragement... flash forward a year later and the verbal abuse has only gotten worse, the new guy's anger has only gotten worse, and he's become a pathological cheater... I should have walked away at the first sign of verbal abuse but I didn't.... he will probably never trust you again.... seriously not to be mean but he won't, verbal abusers instinctively hold you to a higher standard than they hold themselves and they cling to your failure to continue to demean you... and if you didn't know, and if this is the only thing you ever absorb and believe and listen to on Loveshack hear this WHAT HE SAID TO YOU IS VERBAL ABUSE.... you are precious, and amazing, and wonderfully human... that means you make mistakes and bad decisions just like all of us, we are each defined by both our good and our bad, it is the imperfection that makes us maddeningly beautiful and majestic... don't speak to him again ever, because what he is doing, what verbal abuse does is shatter little pieces of your soul, it destroys your self of self, it does so slowly... very slowly, like rust, until before you know it, you have very little sense of who you are on your own and you are completely reliant on your abuser to define you, which means you become victim to his whims of kindness and cruelty... PLEASE.... I KNOW IT WILL HURT, BUT LEAVE THIS GUY NOW, AND KNOW THAT IN DOING SO YOU ARE HONORING YOURSELF MORE THAN HE IS OR EVER WILL BE CAPABLE OF HONORING YOU
sendme Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks. This makes me feel a bit better, i couldnt sleep, couldnt eat,he's all over my head, everything we've done, everything we've been through.. then why would he say things like that??? i just still cant believe it. i loved him so much , i really believed he loved me too.. I know I feel the same way, but the scary thing is he's living in a different world than you... And he doesn't even see what he's doing to you... Let alone realize its wrong... There's an aspect of abusive relationships called crazy making where the abuser flip flops back and forth between I live you I hate you and invalidates your reasoning and logic soo much you start to feel crazy.... Seriously girl stay away now that his true colors are out he will never be the nice guy you thought he was
geegirl Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I love you today and I hate you tomorrow is a warped sense of love. It isn't love. In his mind he probably believes he does love you but his inability to have healthy communication or articulate his feelings appropriately is then translated into this sort of abusive retaliation. He probably doesn't even think he is doing that much harm. Hence it just trickles of his mouth. The best thing for you to do is to stay away from him. He is not good for you and most likely will never be healthy for anyone, until he achieves emotional intelligence and maturity.
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks so much! I know I feel the same way, but the scary thing is he's living in a different world than you... And he doesn't even see what he's doing to you... Let alone realize its wrong... There's an aspect of abusive relationships called crazy making where the abuser flip flops back and forth between I live you I hate you and invalidates your reasoning and logic soo much you start to feel crazy.... Seriously girl stay away now that his true colors are out he will never be the nice guy you thought he was
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 thank you. i wish i could do something to kill this pain.. I love you today and I hate you tomorrow is a warped sense of love. It isn't love. In his mind he probably believes he does love you but his inability to have healthy communication or articulate his feelings appropriately is then translated into this sort of abusive retaliation. He probably doesn't even think he is doing that much harm. Hence it just trickles of his mouth. The best thing for you to do is to stay away from him. He is not good for you and most likely will never be healthy for anyone, until he achieves emotional intelligence and maturity.
Alban Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 I like that guy, this is the behaviour of a men who treats you like **** and you love him even more. He earned my respect !
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 28, 2012 Author Posted September 28, 2012 20 hours no contact. then he text me again, said wanted to see me, still love me and need me, wanted to hang himself. cant live without me. i didnt text him back, cuz i dont know what to say?
geegirl Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 20 hours no contact. then he text me again, said wanted to see me, still love me and need me, wanted to hang himself. cant live without me. i didnt text him back, cuz i dont know what to say? There is nothing to say. You either tell him you can't continue the relationship and wish him the best and go NC or you ignore. Still loves you, still needs you does not equate to healthy love. If your definition of love is someone calling you a baboon with an overbite or that you'll have ugly kids because of how you look, then you both are on the same page. Trust me that when you are with someone who loves you, they don't insult the object of their affection. They nurture, nourish and support. This guy will always react this way the moment he feels he needs to control or manipulate. Personally, if my boyfriend spoke to me that way, he gets nothing back from me.
TaraMaiden Posted September 28, 2012 Posted September 28, 2012 There is nothing to say. You either tell him you can't continue the relationship and wish him the best and go NC or you ignore. Still loves you, still needs you does not equate to healthy love. If your definition of love is someone calling you a baboon with an overbite or that you'll have ugly kids because of how you look, then you both are on the same page. Trust me that when you are with someone who loves you, they don't insult the object of their affection. They nurture, nourish and support. This guy will always react this way the moment he feels he needs to control or manipulate. Personally, if my boyfriend spoke to me that way, he gets nothing back from me. Personally, if my boyfriend spoke to me that way, he gets a broken jaw and a visit to ER. I would go with the bolded text above, and Go absolute No Contact. Delete his number and block him from your phone.If necessary get a new phone (and please don't say you can't, plenty of people do, it's really not difficult) and delete his emails, and block absolutely anything and everything that can let him get through to you. geegirl is absolutely correct; this isn't healthy love. I would go further and say this isn't any form of love at all. it's control, manipulation and abuse. And let me tell you something that may not have been mentioned yet: This guy is weak. Oh yes, he is. He is a feeble, spineless coward, and uses abuse and bullying to control you because weak people are attracted to strong people - and they use their strength against them. He insults you and abuses you, to control and unbalance your strength. people like this are leeches. They're incapable of functioning on their own, so they find a person with better qualities, to bring them down and make themselves stronger. Rudeness, is a weak person's show of strength. But it's all a front. he's not strong, he's not powerful, he's not the love of your life. he's a parasite.
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