whyhurtsomuch Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I am devastated that my boyfriend, after all the amazing time together, just walked out of my life like this. After over 3 months breaking up with my ex(I was still in a lot of pain),I signed up on a dating website, that’s how I met my now-bf . I met this guy Tony, and I really like him, he’s very gentleman, goodlooking, and have very good personality. I enjoyed the time to be with him a lot. I had the most fun I haven’t had in a very long time, playing pool, bowling, watching movie, cooking , shopping , listen to music, drinking.. we were romantic, could not keep our hands off each other . it’s not supposed to go like this, but love just happens when you meet the right one. It only takes a week to fall in love again. I felt being loved, I missed him a lot when he’s not around, couldn’t stop thinking about all the fun time we had. Missed him whispering in my ears that he loves me when I was away at my parents house. I felt so lucky that I found the right one now, I used to think about my ex a lot before I met him, but when the time I was with him, thought about him less and less, and a couple weeks later, I barely thought about the past any more. I am so grateful to this guy, for whatever he did to me, he made me so happy again. We were truly (or so I thought) madly in love. I had gone through a 3 year and 1.5 year relationship and nothing compared to the chemistry I had with this man. His mom came to visit him, so we went to travel a few cities together, and we had very good time. He always told me how appericiate he was ,cuz he wouldn’t be able to handle this just with his mom.. After about a month we all back from the trip, tony and his mom came to visit me for the weekend, he was kinda pissed off by what kind of reason I didn’t really know, I wanted him to talk to me, and he wouldn’t, he just drank his beer, listened to his music like I wasn’t exist. And he said he shouldn’t have came, cuz he couldn’t do anything at my place (he’s smoking in the bedroom,and the fan blows the smoke to my eyes, I compained a bit ..)I went to my phone to a chating program I haven’t been on for ages, I got a request like from 2 weeks ago, I only have friends who I know on my list, cuz you added people on that program through your phone contact list. His name is ***, I kinda knew that was my ex. i didn’t want to talk to him again ,but somehow, I accepted. He started talking to me, saying **** like he misses me, and sorry ….he asked did I miss him , I said, yes, I did, I didn’t tell him that I have a bf right now( he didn’t ask).. that’s the night.. The next day, when my bf was using my phone, a message came in from Ben said he lives in SZ( the name of the city) now. My ex wanted to see the chat log, but I refused. He asked me who’s that, I said just a friend. So he got super pissed and said I was cheating on him, he packed his stuff , returned the key to me and left.. I was shocked , didn’t know what to do… I called my friend hellen, talked to her, and she told me not to tell my bf I was chatting with my ex, otherwise he wont ever forgive me or believe me ever again..(my bf said he would even break up with me if he ever see the pic which he asked me to delete again—the pic was taken when I went to a trip with my ex, but only me in the pic) She changed her profile pic and name, and sent me a few messages as a new friend called *** on my list… thought can just show that to my bf (that’s the worst thing ever I’ve done..) I don’t want you guys to judge me, I know that’s so wrong.. but I hope you can help me to get him back.. But no matter what I emailed him , he didn’t believe a word, he said I cheated on him cuz I didn’t show him the chat log..he wouldn’t answer my phone calls, called me a slut, a whore when he emailed me back… It hurt me so much .wherever I go, he’s always in my mind. I couldn’t stay home alone cuz thinking of him drives me crazy. I never realized it would hurt me so much ,I never thought I love him so much, much much more than I thought..than I knew…I cant sleep, I cant eat, I wake up in the night, cant stop crying .. Dreamt about him the very first night he left me. He and his mom went to the resturant, i followed them, but my ex showed up at the half way, and he was crying ..but somehow , i got away from him, and kept looking for T and his mom, finally found them at the resturant, but they used a big blanket to hide them while they eaiting. they didnt want to see me at all. woke up crying.. worst night ever since 5 months.. I don’t know what should I do now? I don’t want to loose him, he's a perfect guy , he loves me, and I love him so so much. Would you help me , tell me what should I do??? Will he ever forgive me if I tell him the truth???
I'm nuts Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 If I have read you correctly I think he has over reacted, tell him the truth (it is always best to tell the truth) tell him it was your ex, tell him your over your ex and he is the one you love and then prove it to him some how, everyone should show some understanding and forgiveness, if not imagine what it would be like married to such a person once out of the honeymoon phase?
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Thanks, i just felt so guilty that i actually created the fake messages to show him, i dont think he will ever forgive me. If I have read you correctly I think he has over reacted' date=' tell him the truth (it is always best to tell the truth) tell him it was your ex, tell him your over your ex and he is the one you love and then prove it to him some how, everyone should show some understanding and forgiveness, if not imagine what it would be like married to such a person once out of the honeymoon phase?[/quote']
Calico Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I think what deserves a bit of attention is the fact that he hadn't seen you for a bit and then when he did visit you, his behavior had changed. He was distant, ignored you, obviously didn't want to be there and snapped about stuff he didn't mind before. Only after this he blew up over the the chat with (as far as he knew) a friend. I don't think the chat with your ex (or your refusal to show him your private logs) is the issue here. To me, this looks like a strawman, and if that's the case, then it doesn't matter if you tell him the truth or not.
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 he wasnt happy that night when he was over,cuz i had class, and had dinner with a group of people,came home later than i told him. i appologized when i got home,but he kept saying he shouldnt have come over.I think what deserves a bit of attention is the fact that he hadn't seen you for a bit and then when he did visit you, his behavior had changed. He was distant, ignored you, obviously didn't want to be there and snapped about stuff he didn't mind before. Only after this he blew up over the the chat with (as far as he knew) a friend. I don't think the chat with your ex (or your refusal to show him your private logs) is the issue here. To me, this looks like a strawman, and if that's the case, then it doesn't matter if you tell him the truth or not.
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 we did see each other at least once a week. its been three days now. i emailed him last night to ask could i talk to him.. he didnt reply. he wont answer his phone either.. i am so hurt..this is the man i want to spend my life with, but no he wont even talk to me...should i just go NC? will that better for both of us? I think what deserves a bit of attention is the fact that he hadn't seen you for a bit and then when he did visit you, his behavior had changed. He was distant, ignored you, obviously didn't want to be there and snapped about stuff he didn't mind before. Only after this he blew up over the the chat with (as far as he knew) a friend. I don't think the chat with your ex (or your refusal to show him your private logs) is the issue here. To me, this looks like a strawman, and if that's the case, then it doesn't matter if you tell him the truth or not.
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 i told him the truth, but he still thinks i would go back with my ex, which i wont ever do that . instead, he emailed me back to tell me how stupid i am , how ugly i am, giant chin, giant cheeks...*******scared to have kids with me, cuz the kids will be so ugly. dont know what to think... guess it's actually a good chance to know the other side of him
TopCat22 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 He sounds so charming. Why do you want this guy again? 1
Calico Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 dont know what to think... guess it's actually a good chance to know the other side of him You don't know what to think? How about "F.uck you!", and then be done with a jerk of this unbelievable magnitude? 2
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 he's hurt, he's lashing out to try to give the same pain he's gotten. as a guy I'd guess that he's prob got a lot more invested into his emotions and feelings than he is comfortable at the moment with, is having a hard time dealing with it. coming back late from your event was disrespectful. If I came all the way to see you the old me would have been pissed. The new me wouldn't have been there. Your actions spoke, said that he wasn't important. you should have shown him the log. if you do things behind his back, if you are sneaky, if you are trying to play both sides, if you are not willing to be brutally honest with him, then he needs the chance to know that and move on. Right now a wall of words from you to him isn't going to mean sh.t to him. actions actions actions. And "cheating" isn't just having a root - dishonest, withholding, deceitful behav is cheating as well. If you really are over your ex then the only right course of action with a new guy that you -say- you adore is to tell the ex to get lost. trying to keep a lifeline open to the past while working something new will always result in losing the new and realizing that the ex wasn't worth it. 2
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 Even he's been a jerk, but i thought i made the mistake first, i shouldnt have done that in the first place. i just couldnt stop thinking about how amazing he was before He sounds so charming. Why do you want this guy again?
geegirl Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 i told him the truth, but he still thinks i would go back with my ex, which i wont ever do that . instead, he emailed me back to tell me how stupid i am , how ugly i am, giant chin, giant cheeks...*******scared to have kids with me, cuz the kids will be so ugly. dont know what to think... guess it's actually a good chance to know the other side of him I believe you dodged a bullet! I can't believe he said the kids will be ugly. Run as fast as you can! 1
Mike_d Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 yes, his behav is gross and boorish. but she's done herself no favors here
TaraMaiden Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 If I write down what I'd really like to write down, I'll get myself banned. They'll throw the book at me, let alone give me an infraction....! So OP, what I suggest you do is this. now you have had a taste of the kind of person he really is, thank the good Lord you dodged a bullet, know for an absolute fact that this guy is only one level below a ****ing scum-sucking, ****-swallowing blind-worm, and that what a good thing it is he will NOT be the father of your kids, because truly, if he was my C*** of a dad, I'd shoot him for you. And believe me, I'm being polite here.... 2
TaraMaiden Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 yes, his behav is gross and boorish. but she's done herself no favors here What she did was thoughtless. What he did was thought about, cruel, deliberate and wantonly insulting. Nah, the two don't balance out. I can find no defence in his behaviour. The guy's an all-out, bona-fide, class one, gold-plated, group-A jerk. 5
geegirl Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 yes, his behav is gross and boorish. but she's done herself no favors here She messed up but I don't believe it warrants that type of behavior. 3
RogerWallace111 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 i agree with mike d above... buuut that is is some particularly f*cked up **** to say so maybe, yes, you should be happy to have dodged someone with that sort of bad side. "cheating" issues bring out the worst in people but the guys gotta have a little restraint. "slut" and "whore" are bad but definitely get thrown around by guys in these sort of situations. the "ugly kids" **** and criticism of your facial features is screwed up and seems like it would be hard to forget 1
RogerWallace111 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 ****, I called my ex fat once in the heat of a raging fight and I don't see being able to really forgive myself for that ever (even after many apologies and assuring her, honestly, that I was completely into her body - she wasn't even "fat"). will carry that guilt till death.
Calico Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I don't get some of the responses. She lied to him in some instances, yes, because she was terrified of his reactions. She didn't actually do anything malicious, or anything she would have needed to lie about in a normal, healthy relationship. Looking at the stuff he's now saying to her ... if that's a taste of what that relationship was like, I can see why she was afraid of his abuse and tried to avoid it. This is love terribly gone wrong. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 ^ She just didn't make the effort to quell his paranoia/suspicions. He was left thinking "she's talking to some guy and has enough to hide that she won't just show me their convo." And I'm sure he would've been hurt or pissed if he had. Which is probably why she didn't want to show him. Honestly, if my girlfriend was texting her ex behind my back saying she "missed him" I'd be out.
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 thanks for all, i actually dont feel guilty now. he said something worse i am ashamed to post here.
RogerWallace111 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 But yes, as I and everyone have said, his conduct has been too f*cking nasty.
RogerWallace111 Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Don't be ashamed let's see his true, f*cked up colors
Author whyhurtsomuch Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 (edited) sorry, cant do it Don't be ashamed let's see his true, f*cked up colors Edited September 25, 2012 by whyhurtsomuch
geegirl Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 He'll take you back if you have 10 threesomes with him for 3 months?!?! :sick: What a piece of s***. You dodged an f'n bomb.
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