I want to call him, but I'm scared

[Lisa_Lisa]

We've been NC for 3 months. You'd think I'd be over him by now, but I'm not. In fact, for some reason, my feelings of heartache are stronger and I miss him more than I did when he cut me off.

 

We were friends before we started this whole "love" thing. I know it's over. But sometimes I can't help but think he must miss me. We never got to the physical part of the relationship and I'm so hard up for this guy that my thoughts of wanting to jump him take over my mind and stop me from moving on. I figure I can move on if we "do it."

 

Do you think he might reject me if I say I want to do it? He is a man, after all, but is he still pissed at the way I reacted after he broke up with me? Could he let it go?

 

I wish I could call him, not to beg or cry, but just to know if there's a chance we could "be friends," but not the kind of friends who hang out and talk. I mean if I ever wanted to call him up now and again, I won't feel afraid to do it because of our past. I don't know.

 

My ego wants him to want me. My body wants to possess his....so bad. Otherwise I wish he'd just tell him he doesn't love me anymore so I could move on because he never did. I don't think he wanted to hurt my feelings, but by not telling me he doesn't love has done me more damage. I spoke to a mutual friends of our's and he says he's still single. He's not even seeing anyone.

 

I feel like I should move fast before he does get with someone. 3 months have passed. Maybe I should wait another?

[geegirl]

He broke up with you. He doesn't have to tell you he doesn't love you for you to move on. Breaking up with someone entails moving on. Stop making excuses to hold on.

 

Next, don't offer sex because all he'll ever do is look at you as an object to have sex with. When you demote yourself and disrespect yourself, he'll never promote you to anything other than a f*** buddy.

 

You want to entice him with sex. Hopefully he will like it and you'll get him to want a relationship with you. It does not work that way.

 

You won't "move on" if you do it. It will only mess with your head and heart and you'll fall into a deeper hole if you do it. You're emotional. You don't make wise decisions when you are.

 

Stay NC.

[KathyM]

As the poster above already said, you are not going to win him back by having sex with him. You are only going to make him think you are desperate, needy and pathetic. Don't stoop to that level. It won't get you the result you are looking for. It will only prolong the hurt, and make you feel used. You need to try to move on and accept the fact that he has as well.

[Lisa_Lisa]

So I shouldn't call him either? At least to bury the hatchet? It'll make me feel better I think because I don't want him nor I to have that lasting memory of the way it ended. We used to be friends. It's awful we can't go back to that. I mean there was nothing physical between us simply because we didn't get to that part yet.

 

But I know he's cold hearted. He doesn't talk to his dad or his mom or his sisters. I recently saw a facebook posting between him and his dad where he told him, "I've got a heart of stone now." So if that's how he is with his family imagine with me?

[geegirl]

So I shouldn't call him either? At least to bury the hatchet? It'll make me feel better I think because I don't want him nor I to have that lasting memory of the way it ended. We used to be friends. It's awful we can't go back to that. I mean there was nothing physical between us simply because we didn't get to that part yet.

 

But I know he's cold hearted. He doesn't talk to his dad or his mom or his sisters. I recently saw a facebook posting between him and his dad where he told him, "I've got a heart of stone now." So if that's how he is with his family imagine with me?

 

There is no hatchet to bury. You're creating excuses in your head to contact. If it was about a hatchet, you would have said so. But your first post was about wanting to jump his bones to hopefully make him want you.

 

You don't want him?? You've been pining for 3 months, and even stooping so low as to offer sex. Please stop bargaining and trying to talk yourself into believing otherwise because you so desperately want to break contact. All you are doing is lying to yourself.

 

Endings are never perfect. He doesn't see a reason to perfect it nor should you. The man broke up with you and has been silent for the past 3 months. He does not need you to resolve anything.

 

You were friends and unfortunately, friendships sometimes end. He doesn't see the need, nor should you, especially when he broke up with you.

 

Please find your dignity and stop making excuses.

Edited September 24, 2012 by geegirl

[Lisa_Lisa]

I know, I know. I'll get over this....eventually. It just hurts so much right now.

[LostOne1]

I know, I know. I'll get over this....eventually. It just hurts so much right now.

it will for awhile.. Im at 1 month and it does eaze up a bit. I'm at a point, where I can still do things in my day. Yeah, I still think of her, but the pain is less now.

[geegirl]

I know, I know. I'll get over this....eventually. It just hurts so much right now.

 

It hurts, of course. But that does not mean you act on it.

 

If this hurts now, imagine how you will feel when he rejects you. He may not because like you said, every man wants sex. But when you realize that all he wants is sex, and you are consumed with feelings of being used, trust me, you'd rather feel the pain you're going through right now.

[bluefairy812]

honestly, i am at a point where i have learned that every time you beg or plead someone to be with you, you are only bringing yourself down and pushing the person away even more. sex won't change anything other than satisfying needs for a moment. it will bring you into a depression and feeling low...

 

if someone really wanted to be with you, it would not require you to give yourself to them. you are no one's second option. its hard to move on, but you have no choice. if he comes around, cool, but he better be trying/begging/crying to be with you.

[Lisa_Lisa]

I understand what everyone is saying. I mean he lives in a whole 'nother continent than me, which I suppose, in time, will make it very easy to forget him. I don't see myself ever travelling to where he lives anyway so sex, as much as I want it, is not really an option nor will it ever be.

 

But my heart feels heavy because I feel like a lost a friend. We weren't too close to begin with, but I hate that now we ignore each other because of our stupid short-lived relationship. I wish we could go back to how we used to be - like I wrote, not "best friend's" close, but I want to feel comfortable with saying hello without fearing he'll reject me.

 

This really sucks. I know he's not the man for me. I really regret having started this romantic crap with him. He's a good friend, just not a good boyfriend.

 

I know I shouldn't have done this - I went against everything everyone said - I called him, but his phone is disconnected. Whew!

[Simon Phoenix]

If he's on another continent, you can't see him anyway. If you can't see him even if he wanted to see you, then why waste any more time on it? I know it sounds simplistic, but even if things were ideal emotionally, you still couldn't see him. So hang out with people you can see.

[geegirl]

I understand what everyone is saying. I mean he lives in a whole 'nother continent than me, which I suppose, in time, will make it very easy to forget him. I don't see myself ever travelling to where he lives anyway so sex, as much as I want it, is not really an option nor will it ever be.

 

But my heart feels heavy because I feel like a lost a friend. We weren't too close to begin with, but I hate that now we ignore each other because of our stupid short-lived relationship. I wish we could go back to how we used to be - like I wrote, not "best friend's" close, but I want to feel comfortable with saying hello without fearing he'll reject me.

 

This really sucks. I know he's not the man for me. I really regret having started this romantic crap with him. He's a good friend, just not a good boyfriend.

 

I know I shouldn't have done this - I went against everything everyone said - I called him, but his phone is disconnected. Whew!

 

You just said you weren't too close to each other so it wasn't really much of a friendship to begin with, Im sure you could foster better friendships with people around you that can reciprocate.

 

You're just magnifying what you had to justify the need to contact.

 

Consider it a blessing the number was disconnected.

Edited September 24, 2012 by geegirl

[suladas]

There is no hatchet to bury. You're creating excuses in your head to contact. If it was about a hatchet, you would have said so. But your first post was about wanting to jump his bones to hopefully make him want you.

 

You don't want him?? You've been pining for 3 months, and even stooping so low as to offer sex. Please stop bargaining and trying to talk yourself into believing otherwise because you so desperately want to break contact. All you are doing is lying to yourself.

 

Endings are never perfect. He doesn't see a reason to perfect it nor should you. The man broke up with you and has been silent for the past 3 months. He does not need you to resolve anything.

 

You were friends and unfortunately, friendships sometimes end. He doesn't see the need, nor should you, especially when he broke up with you.

 

Please find your dignity and stop making excuses.

 

Just because she doesn't want to be WITH him doesn't mean she doesn't MISS him. And it's a crappy spot to be in, i'm in the same still.

[suladas]

I understand what everyone is saying. I mean he lives in a whole 'nother continent than me, which I suppose, in time, will make it very easy to forget him. I don't see myself ever travelling to where he lives anyway so sex, as much as I want it, is not really an option nor will it ever be.

 

But my heart feels heavy because I feel like a lost a friend. We weren't too close to begin with, but I hate that now we ignore each other because of our stupid short-lived relationship. I wish we could go back to how we used to be - like I wrote, not "best friend's" close, but I want to feel comfortable with saying hello without fearing he'll reject me.

 

This really sucks. I know he's not the man for me. I really regret having started this romantic crap with him. He's a good friend, just not a good boyfriend.

 

I know I shouldn't have done this - I went against everything everyone said - I called him, but his phone is disconnected. Whew!

 

Don't regret anything, learn from it. I dated my next door neighbor and ruined a very good neighbor relationship. I took it as a lesson, I don't regret it at all. And really, there is nothing that says in time you can't be friends again eventually. It may be hard to see but eventually you'll be with someone and feeling nothing for him.

[geegirl]

Just because she doesn't want to be WITH him doesn't mean she doesn't MISS him. And it's a crappy spot to be in, i'm in the same still.

 

We'll you're speaking from the same emotional bubble she's in. A little deluded. Maybe if you read what she's saying rationally you'll see that she still wants him and wanting to use sex as bait to get him. She thinks she can just do sex to get over him. She thinks all she wants is sex. She feels she needs to move fast before he gets someone. All equating to motives in getting him or testing the waters.

 

It's fine to miss someone but that is not what she's saying. She's wanting to reel him in, remind him of her existence, whichever way she can.

 

It's a crappy spot to be in when you want what you cannot have. It's nothing new. Just don't bust your boundaries to get it.

[Lisa_Lisa]

It's my ego that wants validation from him. It'll make me feel better thinking he still cares for me or wants me. In no way do I see myself crying, begging, or pleading for him to sleep with me in hopes of having a relationship. Besides he lives very, very far away and there's just no way we'd ever get together.

 

In my lonely nights, I do dream about "it", what it would feel like and how great those moments would be. A girl can dream, can't she?

 

I just hate the fact that he may hate me. But I guess that's what happens when you break up. It's like that person is dead to you. It's not fair. In time, I know I'll get over him. It might take several more months or even a year. I've been through this before.

 

Still I mourn what we had.

[geegirl]

Find ways to validate yourself and develop your own self-worth. If this is how you treat yourself, why would anyone or man treat you with care or even want you. You'd do anything to get a man's validation and that in itself shows how much you love and respect yourself.

 

If you know there is no way you could ever be together, then why put yourself in a position that could potentially hurt you? This hurt you are feeling now is far more tolerable than experiencing the feeling of being used for sex. Don't touch a hot pot when you know it's hot.

 

A girl can dream but in situations like this, she should be smart enough to not act on it.

 

Not everyone is going to love you. People are going to hate you. And when you break-up, you cannot control the emotions of others or their view of you.

 

Mourn what you had but don't revisit what you know will be detrimental to your emotional health.

[suladas]

Who cares what he thinks of you? I do understand where you are coming from, but you have to let it go, what they think of you is not in your control. You probably still want to talk to him right? It can't happen, at least not yet when you still have feelings for him. I still think about the good times to, it's normal and as long as everyday you're getting better I don't see the issue.