hardup Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I guess I just need other peoples opinion. My ex and I of 7 years have been broken up for 2 months now. Our break up was his decision, it's blindsided me. He says we both just weren't happy. I want to work through it, but his says he doesnt want to. I feel his actions say otherwise. I go very LC on him. When I do this he is constantly calling and texting me. He says he wants to be friends and civil for our son sake. We've been hooking up quite a bit, I know I knowwww stupid! The other night we sat around and talked an laughed just like old times. He started also cryin saying how he has no one, and he is so lonely. Then we hooked up. After the matter he got really upset an said we can't do this anymore it's just not right. Then for the first time since our break up we talked about what went wrong. He was just quite a lot through it he couldn't answer a lot I my questions, he jut seemed very confused. He is also drilling me a lot lately asking if I'm dating other guys. He wants to come to family dinners with me. Yet he doesn't want to give us another chance? What I'm confused about is Why would he want to be friends, hang out, give a damn what I think if he didn't? He knows sex hurts me since i still love him, I told him straight out, so I do not know why he keeps instigating it. After that episode I thought it would be best just to back off from all of this. I don't know what to do. It's hard to move on with these head games, an thinking he may come back. Suggestions?
TopCat22 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 He sounds very confused. From what I can tell, dumpers usually have quite conflicted emotions about ending things. There was obviously something wrong that made them feel it needed to be over, but then they also can't just shut off all their feelings for you either. It's tricky when you have a son together. Usually I would say the best bet is to completely cut off contact, as it makes them face life without you. No sex, no emotional support, nothing. It makes them confront their feelings and make a decision. All the time you give in to the other things you're acting like a support to him. It won't be easy to do, but it seems sad to throw away 7 years and a family. Why did he think you weren't happy?
KathyM Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 You shouldn't be giving him these perks after he broke it off with you. You know that, of course. As long as you are going to be there for him, he will continue to take the benefits of that while keeping his options open. You have to force a decision on him by maintaining only limited contact, and only as it relates to your son. No visits to your house, no hooking up, no getting his emotional needs met from you, etc. Tell him you can't keep doing this because it's too emotionally painful to try to be with him when he's so on the fence about your relationship, and that because of that, for your own sake, you'll only be talking to him regarding your son and will no longer be seeing him other than for him to pick up your son. Then you should start dating. This will force him to make a decision as to whether he wants to live without you or not. Don't let this fence sitting continue. He is getting his emotional and physical needs met from you still, and as long as you are continuing to do that, he will think he can keep his options open while continuing to get his needs met, and that's not in your best interests.
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