youngnlove89 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 NINE DAYS! That is the longest we have ever gone without talking. He changed his number and everything. The only means of contact would be me driving over to his house or emailing him (which I wouldn't do!) I go through these periods where I miss him (usually nights or weekends) and then where I am completely okay but the ache is there. Am I still in shock and denial? I keep thinking he is going to call me, but he doesn't. I went on a date with a great guy who is rich, handsome, charming, intelligent and speaks 4 languages. He travels the world and is witty, sarcastic and great. BUT I had no feelings for him. He is the epitome of perfect and I felt nothing. I just thought about my ex. I don't know what I feel like right now. I don't know if I feel sad or happy or what. I think I'm numb.
bluefairy812 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 NINE DAYS! That is the longest we have ever gone without talking. He changed his number and everything. The only means of contact would be me driving over to his house or emailing him (which I wouldn't do!) I go through these periods where I miss him (usually nights or weekends) and then where I am completely okay but the ache is there. Am I still in shock and denial? I keep thinking he is going to call me, but he doesn't. I went on a date with a great guy who is rich, handsome, charming, intelligent and speaks 4 languages. He travels the world and is witty, sarcastic and great. BUT I had no feelings for him. He is the epitome of perfect and I felt nothing. I just thought about my ex. I don't know what I feel like right now. I don't know if I feel sad or happy or what. I think I'm numb. we are in the same boat no spark with a person who is amazing.. the ex still comes to mind! i think you need time to heal and just look back and really analyze everything.. get over this hump once and for all. it's one of the hardest things in the world. i have gone 11 weeks without being with him and almost 2 weeks of NC. i think we are having trouble accepting. one day at a time my dear. from one broken heart to another
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Thanks. If we are all alone, then at least we are together in that. It's nice to know I am not the only one who feels like this. Maybe because we are in denial. Maybe we think they are going to wake up and realize how special we were. Hopefully I realize how better off I am without him before that. I think for me, rejection hurts the most. He deleted me from his life. That's not easy to swallow. He left me high and dry. He is okay. He is happy. He is living his life without me.
bluefairy812 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 (edited) Thanks. If we are all alone, then at least we are together in that. It's nice to know I am not the only one who feels like this. Maybe because we are in denial. Maybe we think they are going to wake up and realize how special we were. Hopefully I realize how better off I am without him before that. I think for me, rejection hurts the most. He deleted me from his life. That's not easy to swallow. He left me high and dry. He is okay. He is happy. He is living his life without me. yes, my ex did the same! he blocked me off instagram and met a new girl who is younger than me, and is moving on with his life! as if i never existed. he says he will never forget me, will always love me but we are just not meant to be... all that good stuff! but guess what? he is moving on at the end of the day AKA FORGETTING about me. it's sad. i feel your pain. it's hard. awful. horrible. i don't wish this on my worst enemy. we have no choice but do the same. i doubt they are crying and thinking about how hard their life is as we are doing! the worst part is that i never gave up on him. he gave up on me. some people say life (or god?) put things in our paths to make us stronger. this is probably one of them. Edited September 24, 2012 by bluefairy812
stemac Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 yes, my ex did the same! he blocked me off instagram and met a new girl who is younger than me, and is moving on with his life! as if i never existed. he says he will never forget me, will always love me but we are just not meant to be... all that good stuff! but guess what? he is moving on at the end of the day AKA FORGETTING about me. it's sad. i feel your pain. it's hard. awful. horrible. i don't wish this on my worst enemy. we have no choice but do the same. i doubt they are crying and thinking about how hard their life is as we are doing! the worst part is that i never gave up on him. he gave up on me. some people say life (or god?) put things in our paths to make us stronger. this is probably one of them. @bluefairy812 I know, I truly know how you feel, its awful feeling being abandoned,forgotten, today i feel very down its her birthday Thursday, in my case she finished with me from a text, i didn't think about the texts at the time i was in shock, but now 7 weeks later, all day ive been thinking of them, how cold and heartless things she said, and its upset me soo much your so right,I never gave up on her too and when you know you would have done, Anything for them, its because you cared and loved them, and knowing that is very painful, I feel it right now as i type, we have to keep saying they are not worth your love, its their loss, he will carry what he did to you into the next relationship, hes not grown in love you should be proud of how you can love someone, its a great Quality in a person, and be-leave me there's not many who have it, We live in a throwaway society, where relationship are treated like old new papers and tossed to the side in the blink of an eye, i really feel for you blue and i really hope you will be Happy someday, just take 1 day at a time, :-) 2
Calico Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 You need to shift your thoughts. It's not: "It's been 9 days since he took his love away. but: "It's been 9 days since I finally kicked that f.ucker out of my life and started doing something for myself!" You see, the original version makes you feel like a victim. That it wasn't your choice. It reinforces the belief that this isn't what you really want. It gets you stuck. The second version that I bolded empowers you, makes you feel in control, keeps you moving forward, puts an end to that misery you went through for so long. Shifting your thoughts is the work you have to do. It's your job in this. 5
KatZee Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 You need to shift your thoughts. It's not: "It's been 9 days since he took his love away. but: "It's been 9 days since I finally kicked that f.ucker out of my life and started doing something for myself!" You see, the original version makes you feel like a victim. That it wasn't your choice. It reinforces the belief that this isn't what you really want. It gets you stuck. The second version that I bolded empowers you, makes you feel in control, keeps you moving forward, puts an end to that misery you went through for so long. Shifting your thoughts is the work you have to do. It's your job in this. Thank you for this. For some reason the anger stage came back this past weekend. Not as strong as it had been a couple months ago, but there none the less. We've been broken up for 4 months, and NC for virtually the entire time except for one phone call. I wound up seeing a short phone video that he was in on FB and it got my blood boiling. He was happy. He was going about life as if he has not a care in the world. The anger that he uses people for his own reasons and then discards them like garbage infuriates me. It infuriates me that even though I have no desire to be with him, and that I hate his guts, he still crosses my mind every single day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I wonder if he even has passing thoughts about me. I wound up seeing his ex-ex girlfriend on fb as well. She apparently has a new boyfriend... good for her. I'm honestly happy for her, even though we aren't friends, she doesn't know me, and she doesn't even like me. Even still... if she was able to get over this guy after a relationship that was 3x as long as mine was with him, then I will get over it and find someone better too. This change of mentality does help. I gave my ex a piece of my mind when he texted me 2 months ago. I feel like I was the one who really dumped him back and threw him out of my life. This helped me to remember this. Instead of dwelling and missing what I thought we had.
KatZee Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I went on a date with a great guy who is rich, handsome, charming, intelligent and speaks 4 languages. He travels the world and is witty, sarcastic and great. BUT I had no feelings for him. He is the epitome of perfect and I felt nothing. I just thought about my ex. Why are you dating? Jumping from guy to guy doesn't help a thing, it makes it worse. You absolutely should NOT be dating, because you're still hung up on the ex. Go on dates, WITH YOURSELF. You need to really figure out yourself, and take care of YOU. 2
Floored Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Youngnlove, this pain was inevitable. I'm not happy that you feel this way, but I'm happy for you that you are finally out of that. You cared for him and had an idea about that relationship that just wasn't going to work because not everybody was on board with it. I will sympathize with the pain of rejection; you can give everything you are to someone, and at very least you think that would entitle you to being treated decently. It's not fair, but that's the 'game'. But just as this pain was inevitable, so is the relief from it that follows. Only you know the true and fine details of what you had, but to a lot of us that followed your story, we only read that headline as "It's been 9 days since he took his love penis away." You had much invested in the relationship emotionally, he invested enough to get what he wanted and nothing more. I only bring this up because he will make contact in the future if he has a particularly dry-spell; he knows how to get into your pants, all it would really take is an out-of-the-blue "I never knew how much I loved you until I didn't have you" line and boom, you'll be back here but starting over on day one. You are better than that. Tomorrow you get to say that you are out of that emotional desert for 10 days- double digits! Stay strong, you don't need to have the low image of him that I have, but hopefully you'll realize that someone can and will give you the love you deserve. I will throw my hand in with KatZee; give yourself some time to reflect on the whole thing, mourn it, and embrace yourself before trying to build a bond with someone new. It's hard to give yourself over completely to someone when you aren't complete on your own. I can't wait to see the "It's been 50 days..." thread. 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Thank you! You are so right. I think the reason I'm not that hurt is because the relationship was worse than the breakup. I felt anxiety, fear, sadness and anger when we were together. Now I feel relieved. I can't wait till 50 days either. Hopefully he won't contact me, even though it hurts, I know it is for the best!! I just can't believe I feel okay. I just feel like there is a missing void. I miss the comfort and the familiarness of him. He didn't give me anything more than that.
Author youngnlove89 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Why are you dating? Jumping from guy to guy doesn't help a thing, it makes it worse. You absolutely should NOT be dating, because you're still hung up on the ex. Go on dates, WITH YOURSELF. You need to really figure out yourself, and take care of YOU. To see what it was like to be with someone who knew how to treat a girl like a princess... But I realized I'm not ready, it didn't set me back by any means. i just still need to be single for awhile. I read that book and I am EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE. It is me with the problem. Makes so much sense now. I chose the unavailable men because I AM unavailable. I have guy who wants me and to be committed to me, and I don't want him. Why? Because I'm unavailable. 1
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