"if a man wants you"

[bluefairy812]

hello loveshack community,

 

i have been going through a tough time with my back and forth thoughts and countless amounts of stupid hope with my ex telling me to my face this is what he wants (to be broken up) yet my stupid hope keeps killing me and telling me he will be back... i just remembered this poem exists

 

This advice was passed along to me from a counselor; it was great to hear so I wanted to share it.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.

 

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t "be friends."

A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." You’ll be mad at yourself

a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

 

 

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant,

Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

 

You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has

more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

 

Via If a Man Wants You - DivineCaroline

 

 

thoughts?

[kae]

Dating is hard!!

 

I thing everything on that list is spot on. But i especially like the `slower is better`.. Man can also change from amazing to not-so amazing.. Or from not-so amazing to amazing.. I do feel things can be adjusted and not set rules exist. I think just guard you heart and self respect is key.

[Calico]

I think this isn't limited to just men. Most of it applies to women, too.

 

It's all fairly sound, but it struck me as a little idealistic and honeymoon-flavored. A fairytale relationship, basically. In a "real" relationship, the partners have to work together to make it work. That requires compromises, communication (a lot of it), and talking, talking, talking. It's rarely smooth sailing when the splendid fireworks of brain chemicals ends.

 

Relationships go through different stages, each of them featuring their own challenges and demands. A worthwhile article about this can be found here: What Went Wrong. I don't agree with every bit of it, but it's good food for thought.

[I'm nuts]

Me being a bloke has come to these conclusions, as a man I feel a feel spirit, if I man wants you he will come to you, he will love you, but he will still be a man, he will still feel attracted to other women, he will still look at other woman, he will look at other womens bodies, he will want to watch football or other sports, go fishing, play golf with his mates, he will fiddle and give more attention to his car. A man will always be a man and do things men do.

 

Do not look for the perfect man, you wont find him, don't look for rich bloke, look for someone who protects you, pays the bills on time, puts food in your belly, pays the mortgage, who cares if he leaves his smelly socks on the floor, doesn't leave the toilet seat how you like, burps, farts, he is a man, as long as he loves you, protects you and makes you laugh I think are much more important things.

[bluefairy812]

Me being a bloke has come to these conclusions, as a man I feel a feel spirit, if I man wants you he will come to you, he will love you, but he will still be a man, he will still feel attracted to other women, he will still look at other woman, he will look at other womens bodies, he will want to watch football or other sports, go fishing, play golf with his mates, he will fiddle and give more attention to his car. A man will always be a man and do things men do.

 

Do not look for the perfect man, you wont find him, don't look for rich bloke, look for someone who protects you, pays the bills on time, puts food in your belly, pays the mortgage, who cares if he leaves his smelly socks on the floor, doesn't leave the toilet seat how you like, burps, farts, he is a man, as long as he loves you, protects you and makes you laugh I think are much more important things.

 

i agree with everything you just said..

 

 

but i definitely think IF A MAN or a WOMAN wants you, nothing can keep them away! nothing! that is my problem, i never gave up on my ex..he doesn't have a car, works marking just enough for bills, isn't in school right now... YET i gave him money for school, let him use my car, and supported him when he was broke! i was there through everything... YET he gave up on me. and i am trying my hardest to accept it because he isn't coming back...my hope keeps haunting me.

Edited September 24, 2012 by bluefairy812

[I'm nuts]

You've answered your own question, not all people wants us, I know why my personality what kinds of girls would like me, I also know what kinds of girls would hate me and find me boring, you see we might be a good person but there will be something in our personality that the other person doesn't see as attractive.

 

In other words don't beat yourself up over analysing why he left you, you've been a good person to him and he didn't appreciate it, someone else will Isn't that something to be happy about? Don't throw your pearls before swine.

[KatZee]

i agree with everything you just said..

 

 

but i definitely think IF A MAN or a WOMAN wants you, nothing can keep them away! nothing! that is my problem, i never gave up on my ex..he doesn't have a car, works marking just enough for bills, isn't in school right now... YET i gave him money for school, let him use my car, and supported him when he was broke! i was there through everything... YET he gave up on me. and i am trying my hardest to accept it because he isn't coming back...my hope keeps haunting me.

 

Sounds like mine too! I supported him and helped him through thick and thin. Through his bad times, good times, even when he left me for a year and a half to go back to school 5 hours away I stayed with patiently waiting.

 

He finally moved back home b/c he got a job, and dumped me literally the same month he came back.

 

Are you kidding me? I waited for 19 months for you to come home, only to have you meet some little chick at your new job and dump me?

 

I hate him so much, I hate him more than I ever thought it was possible to hate someone. I never knew I could despise someone so much, and I NEVER thought it would be HIM who would leave such a rotten taste in my mouth.

 

I feel like everyone that has left us, are all the same ungrateful, unappreciative, callous, and disgusting person. It saddens me that this isn't a rare breed of person. That these people are EVERYWHERE. These maggots of society, who use us, and throw us out like we're disposable and replaceable.

 

To see that this type of person is so prevalent... it really makes me never want to date again. Dead serious here.

[Sameold]

Yes it is scary Kate, unfortunately women can be just as bad and invariably are.

 

I wouldn't say "nothing can keep them away" though. Plenty of things can. Quite often people just continue down a path they have already started walking. If your ex leaves I'd say 90% of the time they arn't really going to come back to how they were even if they wanted to. Sometimes when things get broke they just can't be the same again. The key thing to remember I guess is that if they end it then it is them who have to make contact again. I'm sure there are people out there who feel like reaching out because they have made a mistake but never do.

[ponette]

Yes it is scary Kate, unfortunately women can be just as bad and invariably are.

 

I wouldn't say "nothing can keep them away" though. Plenty of things can. Quite often people just continue down a path they have already started walking. If your ex leaves I'd say 90% of the time they arn't really going to come back to how they were even if they wanted to. Sometimes when things get broke they just can't be the same again. The key thing to remember I guess is that if they end it then it is them who have to make contact again. I'm sure there are people out there who feel like reaching out because they have made a mistake but never do.[/QUOTE]

 

 

i couldn't agree more. i've screwed things up and want to reach out but can't-won't-because he doesn't want to hear from me again.

[Sameold]

What did you do?

 

Have you ever dumped someone or left them and then realised you messed up?

[ponette]

What did you do?

 

Have you ever dumped someone or left them and then realised you messed up?

 

got angry and withdrew...over and over and over again. people get tired of it. i have an anger/anxiety problem and despite help, it reared its ugly head one too many times. i got pissed off and withdrew, and have not talked to nor heard from my man in 5 weeks. that spells breakup, dunzo, over, and there's nothing i can do about it. his silence has made it clear that he does not want to hear from me. and now i'm in a hell of my own making. awful.

[bluefairy812]

Sounds like mine too! I supported him and helped him through thick and thin. Through his bad times, good times, even when he left me for a year and a half to go back to school 5 hours away I stayed with patiently waiting.

 

He finally moved back home b/c he got a job, and dumped me literally the same month he came back.

 

Are you kidding me? I waited for 19 months for you to come home, only to have you meet some little chick at your new job and dump me?

 

I hate him so much, I hate him more than I ever thought it was possible to hate someone. I never knew I could despise someone so much, and I NEVER thought it would be HIM who would leave such a rotten taste in my mouth.

 

I feel like everyone that has left us, are all the same ungrateful, unappreciative, callous, and disgusting person. It saddens me that this isn't a rare breed of person. That these people are EVERYWHERE. These maggots of society, who use us, and throw us out like we're disposable and replaceable.

 

To see that this type of person is so prevalent... it really makes me never want to date again. Dead serious here.

 

 

that is completely horrible!! i'm sorry you had to go through that. it's such BS... mine is also talking to a cute young girl that visits him at his job. i would love to see a girl put up with all of that already. not to say i am an easy person to deal with or perfect, i am far from it, but again, i never gave up on him. so i feel your pain. it sucks. and i feel like i will never find that again. horrible.