dp421685 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Hey everyone, after nc for a 45 days, I decided to reach out to my ex. During that time, I seriously worked on myself, physically and mentally. And also during that time, I did a lot of searching within. I wanted to let go so badly but there was a part of myself that wouldn't let me. This told me that my ex really had a place in my heart. So here is what transpired: Me- 9/14: I saw a vase full of black eye susans last night. *Thought of you and it made me smile. Hope you are doing great. Her- 9/14: where was it? Me- 9/14: Walking past a restaurant downtown. Nice hearing from you. Have a great night.* Her- 9/14: Nice. I am getting that tattoo soon. Good to hear from you too! Maybe ill see you around. Me- 9/17: I just made some eggs and toast and it reminded me when I used to make you and [roommate/friend] some. Saw she was leaving and I know she means a lot to you. Hope you are not too sad and had a great weekend. Her- no response. Now here comes the part when I decided to put myself out there. Probably not the best decision but what's done is done and have to adjust and adapt. Me- 9/20: Hey. I'm taking a risk here, sticking my neck out...I had to cut off contact with you. I didn't know what else to do when the 2nd girl I've every fell in love with didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I truly wanted to provide you with what you never had. I just want you to know that. I hope you having a good night. Her- 9/21: Sorry, generally when people cut me out of their lives I don't just let them change their minds randomly. Me- [9/21]: Like I said I took a risk reaching out to you not knowing how you feel or what your situation is. My mind never changed. Have a good weekend. Later that night, i was out with friends and saw my ex last when walking around downtown where all the bars/clubs are. She was with a girlfriend and a dude. We were walking in opposite directions, same sidewalk, and I made eye contact and same with her. she covered her face when we passed. I resumed talking to my friend. btw i was looking good, per usual And this is where I am now. I really don't know what to do since I have never been in this situation, ever. There isn't really a passing day where I think of her in some capacity. But I do feel she is feeling resentment towards me for ignoring her and I have validation that nc ruined any type of reconnecting. I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for breaking nc but I ultimately it was my choice given all the stories and results I have read in the past and trusting my gut and intuition, which I have ignored during my time of groveling (and I do regret it). Anyways, I just wanted to get POV/input from whoever cares to provide and formulate my plan of action. Thanks in advance.
Calico Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for breaking nc but I ultimately it was my choice given all the stories and results I have read in the past and trusting my gut and intuition, which I have ignored during my time of groveling (and I do regret it). Anyways, I just wanted to get POV/input from whoever cares to provide and formulate my plan of action. Well, you did what you felt was right (in spite of everyone telling you to not do it, but as you said, it's ultimately your call), you ripped the wound open and pushed her away farther, and now you have lost a good chunk of your progress. Plan of action? You are back where you started, so pick up the shards of your heart, get up and walk that road a second time. What else can you do? There is really no other option. She's done with you, as harsh as that sounds, and I'm sorry you have to deal with the pain again. Please, try and let go off her and ditch the hope. It gets you stuck. It's very hard, I struggle with it every day, but what alternative is there? They are out of our lives, but we are still in our lives, so let's do something with ourselves. 1
juli017 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 So what was the reason for this breakup? Did you initiate it? Sounds like she's still very angry about what happened. If you broke it off with her, then maybe you need to give her a little space and time to cool off. Personally, when I get rejected I tend to feel a certain level of resentment toward the other person even if they do reach out. So time and space. How long have you guys been together?
Author dp421685 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 @juli- she broke it off. To be honest, still don't really know but communication was one of the reasons If I had to guess. She wanted to talk about it when we first broke up and being in a desperate state, I followed nc and declined. @cal- to be honest, if this happend earlier, I probably would be devastated however I really don't feel all that bad. Yeah I miss her. I did love this girl at one point. I do appreciate the tough love you provide. I really don't know your history but it seems like you feel that nc is the "be all end all" solution. To be honest, everyone should tailor it to their situation. It shouldn't be used as a cookie cutter solution because every situation is so unique. But hey I'm not putting it down cause its gotten me to better myself and yours and everyone's advice has helped in some capacity, so thank you everyone. At this point of time I feel I have been running away from my issues and not facing them head on. Communication was what broke us apart. She wanted to reconcile and I didn't trust my gut and intuition. But that's how I feel since I am the one really intimate with the situation. That's just my two cents. I just wante to see what everyone thought of my situation and be a learning experience for everyone.
Author dp421685 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 my ex just tweeted this (was the first thing in my timeline): "my current is so much more attractive than my ex, which is a marker of a job well done." haha unbelievable. i have never ever dealt with someone like before. why even post this?
suladas Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 That's an unfortunate situation, you likely blew any further chance when you refused to talk to her after the break up. She probably posted that to make you jealous and regret not talking to her about it, and it likely shows she's still dealing with the break up and not over you. 1
TheKey Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Her- 9/21: Sorry, generally when people cut me out of their lives I don't just let them change their minds randomly. What is that suppose to mean? That she wanted you to contact her even if she broke up with you?
Author dp421685 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 @thekey - no f'ing idea man...bitches be crazy. btw - she deleted the tweet since this morning...not soon enough before i could take a screen shot on my phone. anyways, im glad that i didn't block her. now i can finally move forward. what a blessing in disguise...
Fitnerd Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 What is that suppose to mean? That she wanted you to contact her even if she broke up with you? I think she means she's pissed off that he went NC on her. dp421685, I'm glad you're not crying over that tweet! Good for you for moving on!
KatZee Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 That's an unfortunate situation, you likely blew any further chance when you refused to talk to her after the break up. She probably posted that to make you jealous and regret not talking to her about it, and it likely shows she's still dealing with the break up and not over you. I agree with this. She had wanted to discuss the relationship the second it was over, and you just ran way. I know everyone advocates the NC rule, but you used it incorrectly here. You should have had that conversation and THEN made the decision to go into NC. 1
suladas Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I agree with this. She had wanted to discuss the relationship the second it was over, and you just ran way. I know everyone advocates the NC rule, but you used it incorrectly here. You should have had that conversation and THEN made the decision to go into NC. Yep. You know how many of us would kill for our ex to want to talk things over like that?
Sameold Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I think if you love someone then by all means try and reconcile it. I wasn't going to let my ltr end with the girl I loved with no fight. I did all I could, I even took the chance of taking flowers to her door full in the knowledge it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference. But you know what, she will always remember that and how much I tried to get her to come back. After that final gesture I said what I needed to and went NC though. Sometimes I regret the harshness of my final messages however re-reading them just tells me all I spoke was the truth. I guess now I am NC in many ways I delivered all I needed to. I proved my love but also showed my disgust and anger. I really wouldn't advise going NC until you have had time to gather your thoughts and deliver those final messages because you will inevitably just end up breaking NC to say what you need to.
winstonsdreams Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 my ex just tweeted this (was the first thing in my timeline): "my current is so much more attractive than my ex, which is a marker of a job well done." haha unbelievable. i have never ever dealt with someone like before. why even post this? HAHAHAHA it means she is an immature piece of ***t!!! Dude that is PATHETIC any chick that needs to validate her current life situation on twitter is immature, hopeless, lacking in self esteem, and in general not worth it OR over you!!! PLEASE DO NOT FALL FOR THAT ***T!!!! IGNORE!!!!!!!!
Simon Phoenix Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Honestly, I'm not sure why you felt the need to tell her that you weren't intentionally contacting her. You can go into no contact without telling the other person what you are doing, or being upfront about it in the beginning. I don't think breaking no contact was the worst thing you did, but drawing attention to the fact that you were going no contact after the fact was. You kind of defeated the purpose of the whole thing and made it look like you were doing it to elicit a reaction from her.
Author dp421685 Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Hey guys. Thanks for all the input. Yeah I may have not used NC correctly from the start but she broke up with me and man oh man, you shoulda seen what she was saying to me. I had no choice to walk away and let her cool off. I honestly didn't or say anything to hurt her,ever, and she came at me with the kitchen sink. But in hindsight, she made no effort whatever so ever to try again. If he really loved me, she would of moved mountains. And look at her behavior now, this is something that isn't going to change...so better to deal with it now instead of when more is invested. She showed her true colors and is this someone i want to be with? Probably not. Hey she was hot. Really hot but as kanye west says: even the prettiest people do the ugliest things... She maliciously tried hurting me with her actions...this is someone that does not care about my feelings or me.
thembones Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 my ex just tweeted this (was the first thing in my timeline): "my current is so much more attractive than my ex, which is a marker of a job well done." haha unbelievable. i have never ever dealt with someone like before. why even post this? Because she is a bitch. She is trying to make you jealous obviously, but for what reason? She is not happy with you right now.
Author dp421685 Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 yeah she probably isn't too happy but do i care? no not really. she acting like a child. really showed her true colors... and why be mad now? i have done nothing but give her all the space she can get...ha let her simmer...
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