HungUp Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Got a question... I've been divorced 6 months, my ex-wife is engaged and is getting remarried in January. Keep this in mind when I tell this story. We have a mutual friend who's quite close to my ex-wife that I've been talking to more and more over the last few months. Small chats, nothing in details and I don't discuss my marriage with her. We don't flirt either. We meet sometimes at social get-togethers and the conversations have been great. We have few common interests and seem to be on the same wavelength in a conversation. Last few weeks I've grown a bit more attached to her and have found it comfortable talking to her which I think is something you need when you are my age (30+). These conversations don't come along every day. Anyway, I've started initiating moves slightly more than what passive friends would do, buying her morning coffees since we work quite close together and she's been reciprocal about it. She's bought me small snacks in return. Friendly stuff, really, no flirting and no sexual connotations. I am weary of the rule of thumb that you don't date your ex's friends, so I haven't made any moves beyond these and I have not flirted with her either. I do feel I enjoy her company though and I'm at a junction where I think I should decide what I want to do with this friendship. Do I want to explore if there's something else here, or drop it because she is my ex's close friend. She texts me up if I disappear for a few days and I text her almost everyday when I do get a chance to. She never used to do this when I was married, so I guess she is thinking about me a bit, if not much. Or maybe I am imagining things? I guess I hope she would make the first move so it wouldn't be my fault, but I know that's wishful thinking. She seems a little reserved, so I don't think she will ever make the first move on me. Question... do I ask her out? Or do I not do it and get out while I can.
cynic-al Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 My advice would be take it slow and easy and try not to worry about it. If things do go further, or you feel you want them too, be upfront about your concerns.
guildenstern Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I think you need to talk to her about it. Maybe you want to break the rule, but she might not. If you don't wanna risk the friendship or you're not that attracted to her, you can keep what you have which doesnt sound bad to me, but if you want more, I think you can't pretend she's just a woman you know. Its probably awkward for her too.
CaptJay Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I am weary of the rule of thumb that you don't date your ex's friends, so I haven't made any moves beyond these and I have not flirted with her either. I don't think anything is a deal killer, but here's the deal. In order to pursue something further with this woman, you've got to know, understand, and accept the possibility that being your ex's close friend, she is 1-degree of separation from a person that knows so much about you inside and out. This could make things like getting into a fight with her unfair because she can always go to your ex to vent, talk crap about you, and offer insight into your behavior (probably slanted against you) and give her ammunition. I'm not sure how you ended things with your ex. Of course, if you parted on great terms, this is better than if you guys broke things off badly. cj
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