funkty dumpty Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Hi guys, I broke up with my ex girlfriend about a year ago after a 4 year relationship. Things were going great but after a fairly intense time together (living together) we both realised it had stagnated so we finished fairly abruptly. I know she found things very hard in the aftermath. About 4 months ago, she started a new relationship. Obviously this was strange for me at first but I got over it pretty soon. About a week ago I hear that they are engaged and this has kinda freaked me out. What does it say about our relationship? We were really close and knew eachother inside out. Could this guy be so much better in such a small space of time?
Calico Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 It's hard to deal with, especially if you haven't fully moved on yourself, but what did you expect she would do? Not marry for five years? Ten years? She didn't date anyone for eight months (as far as you know), which isn't unreasonable -- mine didn't even wait a week --, and while I would never marry so quickly myself, you shouldn't make this about yourself. What she does stopped being your business when you broke up (hard to accept, I know). I don't think it says anything negative about the relationship you had. She's five years older now than she was when you started dating here, and if she's relatively young that's a very long time where a lot of maturing can happen. She may also have a better idea now what she wants from a relationship and a partner. Again, this does NOT mean the other guy is "better" than you. It simply means he may be more compatible with her. (You mentioned that things had stagnated -- that isn't anyone's fault, and that includes you. It sometimes just happen.) Maybe she's pregnant.
Author funkty dumpty Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Thanks for the reply! I know its not about me but I can't help but feel a bit weirded out by it. Essentially, the reason we finished was because we took things too fast (both agreed on this) - the fact that she has seemingly forgotten this is a bit strange. Ah well, at the end of the day all I can hope is that things work out for them, but I do feel like the years we had together have been undemined a bit.
love does not exist Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Spells out divorce to me, engaged after 4 months? She barely knows the guy yet. Wouldn't sweat it. 1
Liz2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I don't think it says anything bad about your relationship, it all sounds a bit too quick to me. There's no guarantee that they'll marry and even if they do well, it does sound like you're done with her so it's his problem if they go too fast and hers. It could still be a reaction almost to your relationship though after a year she could be really over that, but who knows.....it takes a while....
I'm nuts Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Only you know in your heart what she thinks of your relationship and how much it means to her. I knew a girl for many many years, loved her to bits, but was unavailable for her, she told me even when she finds someone else to marry it was me the only she really wanted to marry. Last year she had a medical problem, she needed to marry to fulfil her dreams of having children, I was the first person she told about her condition, not even her family, when she did tell her mum her mum was angry as she told her she should have married years ago so that she would have had children by now. She became desperate, I felt so sad for her, recently out of the blue she has got engaged, just like that, I don't think she has known this person more than a month, there was no 'I have a new boyfriend', but straight to engagement, purely out of fear of never getting married and having children. Things start to race through your mind, questions only you can answer, if you've been for someone for over 4 years you would have made a great impact on their life, I paid for this girls courses she wanted to go on, I gave her the money so she could have her operation, supported and encouraged her for over 5 years, she wanted to marry me, but I told her to find someone else and now she has, do you think someone she has just met, got engaged to will have a greater impact on her life than someone who has spent over 6 years by her side? People have to move on but I promise you one thing, they never never never forget, she has moved on but comparing a few months to a few years is frankly laughable unless you both wanted to kill each other, being with someone for a long time is never forgotten if the memories are fond.
bluefairy812 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Hi guys, I broke up with my ex girlfriend about a year ago after a 4 year relationship. Things were going great but after a fairly intense time together (living together) we both realised it had stagnated so we finished fairly abruptly. I know she found things very hard in the aftermath. About 4 months ago, she started a new relationship. Obviously this was strange for me at first but I got over it pretty soon. About a week ago I hear that they are engaged and this has kinda freaked me out. What does it say about our relationship? We were really close and knew eachother inside out. Could this guy be so much better in such a small space of time? honestly i would have a freaking heart attack if i found out my ex bf is getting married! WTF. honestly, 4 months doesn't mean anything. it's a recipe for disaster! she is probably just getting married because she CAN. not because she WANTS too!
Sameold Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 She might want to? But then who is to say what she wants today she will want tomorrow. A 4 month engagement is an absolute joke. It doesn't mean your r/s wasn't as good at all so don't sweat it. Some people just go along with whatever is put in-front of them. In England we call this "making your bed and lying in it". For all you know she is now worried and thinking whether or not she is making a terrible mistake. I guess you just have to leave it. I have found it hard to hear my ex of 4 years is now with the guy who was messaging her when we split and they went on holiday but then I just think god that's quick. They go out for few months and he springs a "suprise" holiday on her for her birthday, talk about try-hard. We never know what our exs are really thinking.
Author funkty dumpty Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Thanks for the comments everyone. I'm pleased that it's not just me who thinks 4 months is ridiculous (hard to be objective when it's an ex!). I have a horrible feeling that it might be the biggest rebound in history....but I can't go on feeling (mildly) responsible forever so I'm not going to think about it anymore. She's a grown up after all.
Author funkty dumpty Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Some people just go along with whatever is put in-front of them. I think this is exactly what happend. She is vulnerable.
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