shouldI stay

[Lindiloo1953]

My husband is 23 years younger than me and has always suffered from depression. Usually when he has been depressed and this hasnt happened much in the 10 years we have been married, maybe 3 times) he talks to girls on the internet. This time its so much more. I was in hospital after a small stroke, waiting to have my artery cleared as it was blocked. It was a very serious operation and I could see him falling apart. When I came home it all came out that whilst I was in hospital he chatted up a 21 year old girl in our local shop, brought her here and had sex with her whilst I was in recovery at the hospital. She ended it realising that she had made a really bad choice. He went back a few times with letters but she wouldnt talk to him. He says he loves me and is trying so hard to make things work. He has been to the doctor for antidepressants which he should have done a long time ago. We are gong to see a councellor tomorrow. The thing is I cant stop thinking about him with her in my house when I needed him so much. He is my life and I love him more than i can say. I cant see the future and am surviving each day at a time. I cant eat and keep thinking if I lose weight I can compete with her. He says I dont need to, he said he ran away emotionally because of the stress of me being so sick. I feel like Im in a black hole alone with no light to aim for.

[loveunlimited]

let me just confirm this - you are 23 years OLDER than your husband?

So you are 59 and he is 36? The age gap means that eventually, all he will be to you is your full-time nurse. Emotionally he is not equipped for that and to be honest in your position i would not trust that duty to him, and of course now, you have lost the trust of intimacy too....i agree counselling is vital but you need to address your self esteem and self image, because you believe you are inadequate, i think you need to face the situation in black and white is he with you because he is in love with you or because he loves you? his guilt must be enormous but you need to find out whether you guys are still compatible as married partners, things shift during any relationship but sorry, this age gap is huge, bigger than any other i have ever heard of. people change, and in something of this kind change is far more evident.

I wish you a speedy recovery and hope you can resolve this, but as the roles have shifted, and are shifting, you must accept change and look to making changes productively rather than imagining things will always stay the same. change is inevitable, anywhere with anyone. but this is important for you to accept.

[Lindiloo1953]

I know it sounds a big difference but we have been together for 14 years. I am a young 59 and he is an old 36. We have been soul mates for all this time, very loving and very active in our sex lives together. If you were to ask people about us, everyone would say we are the ideal couple and until now we were.

[loveunlimited]

I know it sounds a big difference but we have been together for 14 years. I am a young 59 and he is an old 36. We have been soul mates for all this time

sadly there is no such thing. soulmates is a term used often, but more often than not, flawed, sorry but it is..

 

very loving and very active in our sex lives together. If you were to ask people about us, everyone would say we are the ideal couple and until now we were.

sorry but obviously not. like i said people don't stay the same, views change, mental attitudes change, opinions change, tastes change, everything changes. nobody can or should ever expect their loved one to remain the same even from one month to the next and as he suffers from depression and has for a long time, you have never ever been in love with the same person all the time because depression changes you. go to counselling but be prepared to have to make adjustments, because now life really will never ever be the same again, you can't go back, you can't un.know what you now know, the trouble is can you let it go or will it always be a block? up to you both.