LetMyGuardDown Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 So have been celibate for more than 5 years and really digging this guy. We've known each other for almost 6 years and haven't reconnected until we both got into a social networking site. We used to work together, but we never had an attraction like this because I was committed to someone else at the time. This guy I do like did witness some of the major negative things that happened in that relationship. I know he felt like it wasn't his place to say anything or get involved because I was married at the time to that other guy. So now we've reconnected and I'm really diggin him. One thing we've always had for one another is a lot of respect. I have observed the way he treats his family and friends, especially his mother and children and he's also got friends that are decent and positive. We are living in different states though. I've expressed that I want to not be celibate anymore and share it with him. And of course, he says he is glad to help! I am not expecting anything like a serious relationship right now...just been through so much and I'm not getting any younger..so I want to enjoy my life. I trust him and would feel safe around him. But I do believe I would want a very serious relationship later on such as being married in 3 years. But I am also trying to prepare my mind for if he is not ready for it. He knows about my children. I am in my early 30s and he is 10 yrs older than me. If we were to take it to a serious level, I would not have a problem moving to where he is and finding a job. When asked about it, this is what he told me "I like to go with the flow and we have a lot of respect and know each other well enough that we will do just fine." What does he mean by that? PLEASE BREAK THAT DOWN FOR ME!! What in the world does "we will do just fine" mean??! Should I go get "it" from him? How do I know if and when he is really serious about establishing a relationship? How do I know if he is just stringing me along? Please answer my questions! Thank you!!
Chocolat Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I've expressed that I want to not be celibate anymore and share it with him. And of course, he says he is glad to help! I am not expecting anything like a serious relationship right now...just been through so much and I'm not getting any younger..so I want to enjoy my life. I trust him and would feel safe around him. But I do believe I would want a very serious relationship later on such as being married in 3 years. This is a really unclear message. It reads like this. 1. You want to have sex with him 2. You do not want a serious r/s now - just to enjoy your life 3. Therefore, you are offering a FWB situation 4. Except.... By the end of year 3 you want to be married. When asked about it, this is what he told me "I like to go with the flow and we have a lot of respect and know each other well enough that we will do just fine." What does he mean by that? PLEASE BREAK THAT DOWN FOR ME!! What in the world does "we will do just fine" mean??! On the surface, it sounds as though he is saying you should both have an open mind and see what, if anything develops. Since you've told him right off the bat that you want to have sex with him, there's a chance he isn't going to say anything to muck that up. At the same time, he isn't promising you a r/s. Whether that's because he is honestly cautious or just doesn't want to see your sex offer withdrawn is anyone's guess. Should I go get "it" from him? How do I know if and when he is really serious about establishing a relationship? How do I know if he is just stringing me along? Please answer my questions! Thank you!! I think you have to decide if you are after sex or a r/s. If you just want sex, then go for it, but don't be upset if it later turns out that he does not want a serious r/s with you. If you want a r/s, then don't go offering sex before you've even spent time together. 2
curlygirl40 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Sounds like you've been out of circulation for a while. Visit this guy's website and read his blog. Lots of good stuff!! www.evanmarckatz.com
Author LetMyGuardDown Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 So is he just doing all this to string me along? And yes I do want something serious....I get nervous about thinking about having sex again! Should I tell him what I want in that department such as sharing that I know my emotions will get involved because that is just me. So where are we going to go from here? (when it happens)
Author LetMyGuardDown Posted September 25, 2012 Author Posted September 25, 2012 I mean I would like to be married within 3 years not at the end of the 3rd year. Sorry I wasn't clear on that.
Chocolat Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I mean I would like to be married within 3 years not at the end of the 3rd year. Sorry I wasn't clear on that. The timing is not the issue. Here's what I said previously: I think you have to decide if you are after sex or a r/s. If you just want sex, then go for it, but don't be upset if it later turns out that he does not want a serious r/s with you. If you want a r/s, then don't go offering sex before you've even spent time together. Decide what you want, then act accordingly.
thatone Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 So is he just doing all this to string me along? And yes I do want something serious....I get nervous about thinking about having sex again! Should I tell him what I want in that department such as sharing that I know my emotions will get involved because that is just me. So where are we going to go from here? (when it happens) it has nothing to do with him. you haven't told us anything about him, this is about you. if you have been divorced and have children and don't grasp why trying to put a timetable on when you get married again is a bad idea you should revisit the divorce and see if there's anything more you could have learned from that.
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