Perhaps Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Hey LS, I need some advice - I have a tendency to overthink so I need some perspective from you guys and gals. My gf and I are both in our early 20's and live with our respective families, from different backgrounds. We've been going out a few months and things are going well. But her parents still don't know about us - she says they wouldn't approve of me because of my background and she says she doesn't want to deal with that with her family. I have no problem with it for now but the thing is, I'm a very affectionate person and I fall head over heels fast. She's more reserved and has told me she's not usually affectionate and that it takes time for her to open up. I talked to her about her it and how it makes me feel. I guess I am jumping ahead of myself and I shouldn't expect her to feel the same way as I do, but after a few months, I've started to feel like I'm putting in more into it. We are gonna be meeting soon in person to discuss this. I want to move forward and I'd like her to be more comfortable with me -- I obviously do not want her to be a certain way just to please me. I doubt she'd do that anyway. Am I wrong to expect her to be affectionate after this long? I don't know because I figure people are usually like that in the beginning and it levels off but she's the opposite, it seems. I'm the type of person who loves to shower compliments and I miss yous and what have you so it feels odd to me to not have that returned. We both work and only get to meet once a week and we do enjoy each other's company - I don't want to paint her as a person who doesn't take us seriously. I guess I'm just looking for an external, balanced perspective to analyze this an offer any advice about who's right and how I can approach the subject with her without sounding pushy. Thanks in advance for your help
CC12 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Neither of you are right or wrong, you both just have different styles of showing affection at this stage. Hopefully you guys can meet somewhere in the middle. You can back off a bit on the compliments and "I miss you" talk, and maybe she'll agree to try to open up more. It's still a new relationship so you guys are still figuring out how to best interact with each other. And as far as her not telling her family about you, I can understand why she hasn't. She's an adult who can do whatever she wants, but since she's still living with her parents, she can't really outright tell them to butt out of her business. She can do that when she moves out and is independent. Does she have plans to move out soon?
todreaminblue Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Hey LS, I need some advice - I have a tendency to overthink so I need some perspective from you guys and gals. My gf and I are both in our early 20's and live with our respective families, from different backgrounds. We've been going out a few months and things are going well. But her parents still don't know about us - she says they wouldn't approve of me because of my background and she says she doesn't want to deal with that with her family. I have no problem with it for now but the thing is, I'm a very affectionate person and I fall head over heels fast. She's more reserved and has told me she's not usually affectionate and that it takes time for her to open up. I talked to her about her it and how it makes me feel. I guess I am jumping ahead of myself and I shouldn't expect her to feel the same way as I do, but after a few months, I've started to feel like I'm putting in more into it. We are gonna be meeting soon in person to discuss this. I want to move forward and I'd like her to be more comfortable with me -- I obviously do not want her to be a certain way just to please me. I doubt she'd do that anyway. Am I wrong to expect her to be affectionate after this long? I don't know because I figure people are usually like that in the beginning and it levels off but she's the opposite, it seems. I'm the type of person who loves to shower compliments and I miss yous and what have you so it feels odd to me to not have that returned. We both work and only get to meet once a week and we do enjoy each other's company - I don't want to paint her as a person who doesn't take us seriously. I guess I'm just looking for an external, balanced perspective to analyze this an offer any advice about who's right and how I can approach the subject with her without sounding pushy. Thanks in advance for your help I agree with the poster above , no couple is absolutely perfectly balanced in the affection department...everybody has different ways of showing affection some are demonstrative and some are not..that's where compromise comes in when it is really out of whack is where you have someone who obviously goes out of their way to avoid it...issues arise.....if there is no avoidance issues can be sorted out with compromise ....good luck and best wishes....deb
Author Perhaps Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 She is planning to move out but not soon. She isn't avoiding it, she just says its hard for her to be that way if she doesn't feel it. It just feels weird that I put myself out and she still doesn't feel that deeply. Then again, I've no right to expect her to be a certain way. I just want her to drop her barriers emotionally, everything else is good otherwise I understand that she's told her family about her exes so I guess she also wants to be sure of us before telling the family.
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