BornToDie Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I met the guy I'm interested in when I was 15. He was much older, so my mother wouldn't allow me to date him, and I had to move on. The last time I saw him in person was last November before he was deployed. I was with a friend, and we ran into each other. Basically, he's been in Kuwait since December and won't come home until this December. He's been FB messaging me since about June. I was in a 2 and a half year relationship with another guy, and we ended it in mid-July of this year. This guy would always joke about when my ex and I were "getting married," but when I broke up with him, we seriously got to talking. In August, he told me he wanted me and considered the idea of dating when he came back but doubted I'd wait that long. We talked casually, and he kind of disappeared but later came back, saying he didn't like conversation that wasn't face-to-face, but he was still interested. This month, we've spent a lot of time talking. One night, I just stayed up all night talking to him, and he told me he was "smitten by me and liked me a whole lot." He told me everything I needed to know about him because he said in every past relationship, the girl found out and hated him for it. He told me he was trying to change from who he was, and he said he wanted to date when he came home. We had our first "Skype date" and talked for 3 and a half hours about basically anything. It was great. A few days later, he started to become irritable after working 16 hour days and told me he was in no condition to start a relationship with his horrible mood swings. He told me he didn't want to take it out on me but did want to keep talking. I was fine with that. Last week, we got kind of sexual for the first time, and he was saying how he couldn't wait to come home because there was so much he wanted to do to me. When I told him I couldn't be a booty call, he said he was pursuing me because he had feelings for me and would talk to me the next day. Next day, no message. I was patient, and on Thursday, I saw where a girl tagged him in a status saying she had a great conversation with him. I got really upset until I saw where the girl had a boyfriend, so I wasn't sure what to think. I messaged him and asked what was going on, and he said he hadn't disappeared, was dealing with people at work and was very pissed off, and he didn't want to take it out on me. He said that he had to get some rest and start back up in no time at all. I said, "Fine, I won't bother you if you're in a bad mood. I just saw what that girl said on your page and figured maybe you weren't interested in talking to me anymore." That was Thursday, and I've gotten no response. I know he's not too busy because he's posted a few statuses. I don't know if he's in a bad mood or is just lying, but it's driving me crazy because I'm smitten over the guy. My question is: should I leave it alone and let him come to me (if ever), or should I just straight up ask him what's going on? I don't think I've been clingy at all, but I need to know if I should wait 3 months on something that may not happen.
carhill Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 My advice would be to date local guys and whatever happens when he returns, happens. If you're still a minor and he's in the military and this is in the US, he'll have a lot of answering to do to his chain of command if/when having sexual relations with a minor. That invariably will go poorly. So, if those are the circumstances, help him out by dating other guys your age and letting time take its course. This kind of stuff was common when my generation was young and often ended up with the young lady pregnant and a shotgun wedding. Here's to hoping for different results in your case. Good luck and welcome to LS
Author BornToDie Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 I'm not a minor, so that's not a problem. Thanks. It just eats me up inside that we haven't talked, and I want to know if he's ignoring me or just has some other legitimate excuse.
CC12 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 It just eats me up inside that we haven't talked, and I want to know if he's ignoring me or just has some other legitimate excuse. Well, it's probably both. The "legitimate excuse" is that you two are not currently dating and you're probably not a top priority for him at the moment. And that's not really an excuse, that's just what seems to be the reality of it. He's under no obligation to keep in regular contact with you, since he made it clear that he does not want a relationship with you right now. That said, if he wanted to talk to you, he would. He has time to update his Facebook status, so he has time to say, "Hey, I can't talk right now, just wanted to say hi" or whatever. Or he would have tried to clear things up since you kind of asked him if he was still interested in talking to you. No answer is an answer in this case. I need to know if I should wait 3 months on something that may not happen. No, you shouldn't. Something may or may not happen when he gets back, but it would be foolish to wait for him. He doesn't even expect you to.
justwhoiam Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 should I leave it alone and let him come to me (if ever), or should I just straight up ask him what's going on? Ignore him for a couple of months and see what happens. It's good you clearly told him you're not a booty call.
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