thembones Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I am going to try to condense this as best as I can (I am sorry in advance). I am 29 years old and she is 23. (Back-story) So, we went to Hawaii after we were together for about 15 months. She really thought I was going to propose to her, but I did not. She had a meltdown and now our great trip looks like a disaster in her mind. She has wanted to be engaged from that point until our relationship ended, which was about another 18 months. She knew I wanted to get engaged, but dragged my feet too long. She lived with her mother almost all her life, and only a couple months alone (after her mom moved out). She was very close to her mother and takes what she says to heart. We dated for almost 3 years and lived together for the last 1 year. Two months before our lease ended, she said she wanted to move out. She had just gotten back from a trip w/ her family. She assured me that we were going to stay together. I had my doubts obviously. For the last two months living together, it was very hard and sex was limited (it was normally often). We had an AMAZING relationship before and we each thought we were each others soul-mates. She was in-fact my first true true love and I wanted to spend my life with her, and she with me. She left me almost 2 months ago. I contacted her very rarely, but wanted to see and talk to her (to catch up and maybe see if we could work things out). I did write a 5-page letter telling her everything I was thinking, but it didnt get a response until I asked if she read it (she said she read it many times :/). After a month apart, she agreed to meet me and just talk about life and how things were going. It was great to see her, but at the car it got relationship-based. I was really holding on hope that she would reconsider. I realized it was over and was starting a new job, so I asked her to meet again and get some of my questions answered for closure, because I had so many questions but no answers. We met and she gave me some answers and it helped a LOT. She said she knew she was going to leave me when she was on the trip (help from mom?). The Kicker is, I bought a ring for her when she was on that trip! I was going to ask her to marry me in the fall (it had to be fall because it was like our first date). I was too late and it did not even matter. The last thing I told her was that I would always love her. She said the same thing to me and I walked away. She said that she wants to be able to concentrate on her work and has gotten so much done since she left. Yet, she she told me she is dating - is that hypocritical? Oh and the guy is someone who asked her out 4 months ago; great did you save his number? We live in the same city and within a 3 minute drive of each other. I have avoided her locally and had gone out of my way to avoid where she might be. She did say that I could stop by her work and say "hi" every so often, but that is too hard for me to see her. I am still friends with her on Facebook but I took her off my close friends list and only see if she posts something when I am online (not very often am I online). Anyways, the fall season has turned and it would have been 1 month short of our 3-year anniversary today. She text-ed me 3 days ago and told me that an old co-worker had died (he was 90+ years old and we weren't close). I do not understand if the text was a feeler to start a conversation or just a nice gesture. Regardless nothing came of it and she has not contacted me again. That triggered me to start thinking about her a lot more (I was doing really well before that). My mother talked to her psychic friend when we first broke up and he said that "the breakup is all about her, her mother is literally crazy, and she will try to come back but it will never be the same." That last one has been giving me false hope for a while now, but it is hard to forget that and I don't even believe in that stuff. I am trying my absolute best to move on. I understand that is is over, but I still think about her a lot, especially at night. How am I supposed to move on?? I still want her back and my fear is, that when she does want me back, I wont want her back! I am still at the point of possibly getting back together with her, but unsure if it would even work out. I just miss her so much. I guess I am just looking for some advice and maybe a different perspective on things. If you read this, thanks! It is long and not very organized, but I do appreciate your time.
Mike_d Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 there is no different perspective. you've been dumped. move on. what you want has no bearing on things. sorry. its tough, just NC going forward, 1 day at a time
LostOne1 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 I wish I could help man. But this seems like a tough one. If she's dating and moved on. it's tough to win that battle. I would think NC is the only way to go at this point. If she realizes she wants you back, she might come back. But like you said will you want her again by then? Tough to say... I always feel that if you think you won't want her.. there still is chance. I assume that if you have a connection there is always a chance you will have it again. Not always, but it's possible. So many people seem to break up and get back together at some point. I think sometimes we need to take seperate paths in life to learn something and then reunite. Not for everyone, but for some people I can see it happening.
Author thembones Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 I wish I could help man. But this seems like a tough one. If she's dating and moved on. it's tough to win that battle. I would think NC is the only way to go at this point. If she realizes she wants you back, she might come back. But like you said will you want her again by then? Tough to say... I always feel that if you think you won't want her.. there still is chance. I assume that if you have a connection there is always a chance you will have it again. Not always, but it's possible. So many people seem to break up and get back together at some point. I think sometimes we need to take seperate paths in life to learn something and then reunite. Not for everyone, but for some people I can see it happening. I do thank you for reading and your response. She said she went on one date, but I have no idea what she has been doing for the past month. She hid her relationship status on Facebook, which I guess is good if she is or plans on being in one soon. It would hurt too much for me to contact her and get denied, so NC is all I can do. I could drive by her work at times and it would be very convenient, but I choose to take a detour because I do not want to see her car even. I do not know if reuniting is an option (if it were to come to pass). A lot of trust has been lost and I think I truly learned who she really is, and I do not love this person as I loved the old one. I will always care for her, but I know at some point, I will want nothing to do with her again. I am getting there, but I would consider talking to her again still. I just want to be over her. Anyone who would put me through this and lead me on like she did, is not someone who cared about me as much as I thought she did.
Author thembones Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 If anyone else has time to read, input would be appreciated. My old best friend's wedding is today and I am just thinking a lot about things.
Balzac Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 She's 23, too young and from your description, too immature to be beating the marriage drum. You're nearly in the ballpark demographic but 3 years with her has actually set you back. Eventually you'll come to realize you dodged a bullet. It hurts, it's frustrating and you're suffering. Hang onto common sense. What mi da woman flees after investing 3 years, the marriage talk had been had. She's casting herself in the victim role. Unfortunately you have sucked that up in spades. 1
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 She wanted to be engaged and you weren't ready so she wanted to move on. People aren't always on the same page. I know it's hard to be dumped, but you have to move on, you have to stop contact and give up that hope that you'll get back together, because she has obviously moved on. If you keep wanting what could have been, you're just torturing yourself. Plus, wasn't it you in another post that called her a b**ch? If I'm wrong, I apologize, but I think it was you, so why would you want to be with someone you consider a b**ch?
Author thembones Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 She wanted to be engaged and you weren't ready so she wanted to move on. People aren't always on the same page. I know it's hard to be dumped, but you have to move on, you have to stop contact and give up that hope that you'll get back together, because she has obviously moved on. If you keep wanting what could have been, you're just torturing yourself. Plus, wasn't it you in another post that called her a b**ch? If I'm wrong, I apologize, but I think it was you, so why would you want to be with someone you consider a b**ch? I very well may have. Emotions get the best of us sometimes. I posted this almost a month ago, just bumped it to see if anyone had another perspective. I do not really know if I do want her back, I just wanted views on my story and maybe someone went through a similar situation. But I was ready and prepared, but by that time, it was already too late. I have stopped contact and I don't have hope. I do think that one day she will realize what she lost and try to come back, but it might just be wishful thinking. I guess I just want her to be the one who wants me back. It might help me feel wanted.
River Rain Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 I felt that way when I got dumped too. I was sure he'd come back to me because he'd realize what he missed, but for me at least, it was definitely wishful thinking - for the first few days after. Then I cringed and thought, I don't want him back! I'm glad you're on nc. And yes, everyone wants to feel wanted, that's why I joined a dating site and started meeting new people. I've definitely got some interest, although I don't know how ready I am to move forward, I'm taking things slow. But it helps.
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