jw32802 Posted July 25, 2004 Posted July 25, 2004 It's amazing but everyone was right when they said it would "get better with time". Definitely No contact is the key, because otherwise you will keep cutting the wound open. I have read a lot of ebooks and regular books and they have been my lifesaver!!!!! I have learned so many things from these books, especially certain ones, and I am a better person!! And I am now watching my sister, who has had no contact for a month w/ her ex and he is sending her flowers every day and on his hands and knees BEGGING for her back and now she doesn't even want him!!!! We are both doing great! I just want to thank people on here! If there is anyone struggling and would like to talk just email me
junegloom Posted July 25, 2004 Posted July 25, 2004 Hi jw32802! My ex broke up with me last week after about a month of ambivalence.. He kept telling me for weeks he thought we should break up but he wasn't sure. I told him he needed to think about it and let me know. So for three weeks we didn't speak. I was shattered and crying all the time because I knew his silence meant he was probably going to decide we needed to break up. He calls me finally and invites me out for the following weekend, which I initially thought meant he wanted to stay together. But then says he's having to get used to being single again.. that's how I knew his decision. Really wimpy break-up huh? This was about two weeks ago. So when I saw him last weekend, it was great at first. He gave me a little gift, when we greeted we kissed lightly by accident because we're weren't used to not being a couple anymore, then later on in the car, almost out of the blue, he says "I'm sorry this sounds harsh, but it's over." The reason is because I, and everyone else, was pressuring him to ask me to marry him. He didn't like the pressure, and he didn't like feeling guilty about not asking me. He says he wants me to move on, then he said ".. not move on dating, but move on.." I asked him if he has stopped loving me and he says "I still care about you" and I said but do you still love me and he finally said "Well, I'm crying aren't I?" This is a man who only 3 weeks prior to this said to me that he was glad I still loved him and that he wanted me to know that he was still in love with me. He says a lot of confusing stuff like this. There's more but I won't bore you with the details unless you ask me to. I have been crushed and utterly beside myself with grief, but I can see I'm beginning to feel better. The bottom line is we were great together, and I simply do not believe that he has stopped loving me. I believe he misses me. I know there is nobody else in the picture. I know that he's frightened of marriage so much, that he would rather let me go. The thing is, at the moment, he knows I'm crazy about him and will come running at the first chance. I'm trying to get some power back at the moment, but it's hard when there's no real opportunity to. Last week I had to email him about something he has of mine so I can get it back. It was a friendly, polite email without a trace of bitterness. He emailed me back, 3 times, but only the first one had anything interesting in it.. the other two were just necessary follow-ups about how to get my things back to me. The first one said he still wants to see me and he knows things will be difficult for a while but he doesn't want that to stop us seeing one another... presumably as friends only. I didn't reply to his emails. I actually have no desire to contact him, which is good. But I do still want us to be a couple again but only with my dignity still in tact. No contact is getting me nowhere. But maybe if no contact is getting me nowhere that actually means that this guy is so over me there *is* no chance. We dated for a very long time and we're both of marrying age now. I know he adored me, and his friends say he was the happiest they've ever seen him when he was with me. The pressure ruined it. So what do you think? Is there a chance here? Or is this totally a lost cause? Thank you!!!
Pained Posted July 25, 2004 Posted July 25, 2004 Out of curiosity, what books have you been reading? And I may have missed something (I just woke up), but did your ex contact you, or are you saying it's working because you yourself are doing better without him? I truly hope it's the latter, but I'll be happy either way.
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