Ross MwcFan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I think if the only way you can feel fulfilled, satisfied, and unbored in life is by having kids, then you've probably got issues that need to be addressed. Kind of reminds me of a drug addicit or hoarder doing what they do to fill a big void in their life. 4
Ross MwcFan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I don't want children for entertainment however I do thin they are entertaining. I want kids because I want to leave a legacy and you can't do that without kids. If you opt to never have kids then when you die so goes your legacy and that's sad. I feel bad for people who don't want kids because I think they are sad and lonely and will have no legacy and probably just really mean people in general, I mean how can you not like children. To me there is nothing in life more important than having babies. And I will probably be one of those horrible self ones who contributes to the over population because I want a huge family. Like 6 kids Surely someone who is sad and lonely would want kids? And lol @ not wanting kids equaling being a mean person. So you're basically saying that Jesus is mean and sad and lonely, since he never had kids. 2
Titanwolf Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Surely someone who is sad and lonely would want kids? And lol @ not wanting kids equaling being a mean person. So you're basically saying that Jesus is mean and sad and lonely, since he never had kids. Trust me on this one, it's fruitless to continue lol 2
utterer of lies Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Surely someone who is sad and lonely would want kids? And lol @ not wanting kids equaling being a mean person. So you're basically saying that Jesus is mean and sad and lonely, since he never had kids. Of course he had kids. Ever heard of Mary Magdalena?
GorillaTheater Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Kids are a freakin' blast. It's the marriage part reasonable people should be questioning.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 Surely someone who is sad and lonely would want kids? And lol @ not wanting kids equaling being a mean person. So you're basically saying that Jesus is mean and sad and lonely, since he never had kids. The life you'll lead without kids is sad and lonely and people who don't like kids are undoubtedly mean. What is there to not like about kids. They are seriously amazing. I know that I couldn't lead a happy fulfilled life without kids it would be so pointless
ThaWholigan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 The life you'll lead without kids is sad and lonely and people who don't like kids are undoubtedly mean. What is there to not like about kids. They are seriously amazing. I know that I couldn't lead a happy fulfilled life without kids it would be so pointless That's over the top. I would like to have kids (lots ), but honestly I do not see why it is so odd for someone to not want kids. It may not be that they don't like kids (some people without children are teachers), but maybe they are not personally interested in parenthood and find some fulfillment elsewhere in life. Not everybody is fulfilled by the same things - you may feel that kids will bring you enrichment and happiness, but it's not the same for everyone. To say that they must be mean is a step over the mark, but you are young and obviously still very immature about certain things. You have a long way to go. You'll probably get there, but these are things you have to understand before you start shooting off at the mouth . 2
Ross MwcFan Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 (edited) The life you'll lead without kids is sad and lonely and people who don't like kids are undoubtedly mean. What is there to not like about kids. They are seriously amazing. I know that I couldn't lead a happy fulfilled life without kids it would be so pointless That's your opinion. Plenty of people who don't have kids wont feel sad and lonely. There's a difference between not liking kids and not wanting them, some people who don't want kids, still like them. So, don't you feel bad for thinking that Jesus is sad, lonely and mean? Edited September 25, 2012 by Ross MwcFan
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 That's your opinion. Plenty of people who don't have kids wont feel sad and lonely. There's a difference between not liking kids and not wanting them, some people who don't want kids, still like them. So, don't you feel bad for thinking that Jesus is sad, lonely and mean? I don't think Jesus is sad and lonely he was young when he died so he didn't have the time to have a kid. Like I said I don't understand why some people don't want kids. That is a total 100% deal breaker to me. I do think some people can change their mind or their mind can be changed for them.
Quiet Storm Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 If you view kids as a burden, you shouldnt have them. My kids enrich my life. The freedom to do whatever I want would never compare to the joy that my kids bring to my life. 2
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 I just wanted to add this is another issue I brought up in therapy lol my therapist said that I should learn to be happy without kids. And that she realized after she had her son that she could have been just as happy without, I don't understand that though I don't know how I could be happy without them I don't have them now and I hate my f'ing life ha.
tigressA Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 People who think having kids is going to fill a huge hole in their life sound pretty darn selfish to me, and those kids will likely need a lot of therapy. Just sayin'. 4
Trimmer Posted September 25, 2012 Posted September 25, 2012 (edited) I would like to have kids (lots ), but honestly I do not see why it is so odd for someone to not want kids. Agree. Hey, I have kids - they are unquestionably the jewels of my life - but like you, I don't see why it is so odd for someone not to want them. I have friends who don't want them, and who are not "mean" people, who are fulfilled, and energetic and building legacies, and whom I envy in some ways, from time to time. There are all kinds of ways to build a meaningful life. I understand that different people get their fulfillment in different ways. Different people leave a legacy in different ways. Different people find meaning in life and living and interacting with their communities in different ways. Kids are not the only key to meaning and fulfillment for everyone. These statements are the most revealing to me: Wouldn't you get bored of 20 years with no kids? It just seems like what is there that interesting in marriage you know? I just wondered. It just seems like you have to fill your time with stuff if you have no kids. The life you'll lead without kids is sad and lonely and people who don't like kids are undoubtedly mean. I know that I couldn't lead a happy fulfilled life without kids it would be so pointless These are all reasons you believe your life would suck if you don't have kids. If you think carefully about it, that's not the same as reasons to have kids. I just wanted to add this is another issue I brought up in therapy lol my therapist said that I should learn to be happy without kids. And that she realized after she had her son that she could have been just as happy without, I don't understand that though I don't know how I could be happy without them I don't have them now and I hate my f'ing life ha. Everything you say seems to indicate that your life sucks because you don't have kids, and that you think having kids will be the key that will turn this around. Maybe that's what your therapist was trying to address: have you considered that the question of having kids may not be the key to why you hate your life? You may just be leaning on it as a convenient excuse, but what if there is something more to your situation than just kids? Because if there is, you may go and have kids, intending to solve these issues in your life and realize, oh, that wasn't the problem. Then you'll hate your f'ing life and your f'ing kids. Don't think that hasn't happened. Edited September 25, 2012 by Trimmer 6
rainfall Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I just wondered. It just seems like you have to fill your time with stuff if you have no kids. Kids are lie the funniest people ever so it would be so entertaining I have plently of stuff to do to fill my time without kids. I work, go to school, go out with friends, hang out with my boyfriend, go on vacations, sleep (even late sometimes if I can manage it), go to a late night movie without making 99% of the people there mad at me for having a kid that may scream and tuin it, and many more things. Don't waste your time feeling bad for me because I don't want kids. I am happy with my life and honestly see nothing good in having kids.(for me) 2
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I have plently of stuff to do to fill my time without kids. I work, go to school, go out with friends, hang out with my boyfriend, go on vacations, sleep (even late sometimes if I can manage it), go to a late night movie without making 99% of the people there mad at me for having a kid that may scream and tuin it, and many more things. Don't waste your time feeling bad for me because I don't want kids. I am happy with my life and honestly see nothing good in having kids.(for me) I mean that's cool I guess but I feel like you're probably around the same age as me I think you'll change your mind or if you get pregnant unexpectedly you'll change your mind.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Agree. Hey, I have kids - they are unquestionably the jewels of my life - but like you, I don't see why it is so odd for someone not to want them. I have friends who don't want them, and who are not "mean" people, who are fulfilled, and energetic and building legacies, and whom I envy in some ways, from time to time. There are all kinds of ways to build a meaningful life. I understand that different people get their fulfillment in different ways. Different people leave a legacy in different ways. Different people find meaning in life and living and interacting with their communities in different ways. Kids are not the only key to meaning and fulfillment for everyone. These statements are the most revealing to me: These are all reasons you believe your life would suck if you don't have kids. If you think carefully about it, that's not the same as reasons to have kids. Everything you say seems to indicate that your life sucks because you don't have kids, and that you think having kids will be the key that will turn this around. Maybe that's what your therapist was trying to address: have you considered that the question of having kids may not be the key to why you hate your life? You may just be leaning on it as a convenient excuse, but what if there is something more to your situation than just kids? Because if there is, you may go and have kids, intending to solve these issues in your life and realize, oh, that wasn't the problem. Then you'll hate your f'ing life and your f'ing kids. Don't think that hasn't happened. I don't think I would ever hate my kids that I have one day. The only thing that will make my life suck less will be getting into a relationship and having a baby
rainfall Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I mean that's cool I guess but I feel like you're probably around the same age as me I think you'll change your mind or if you get pregnant unexpectedly you'll change your mind. Ummmm no I won't ever change my mind. Getting pregnant unexpectedly would probably be the worst thing that I could think of that could happen to me. Im not sure what I would do about it. How old are you btw? Im old enough to be pretty sure that I'm not going to change my mind. I kind of like my sleep, money, freedom, and life the way it is.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Ummmm no I won't ever change my mind. Getting pregnant unexpectedly would probably be the worst thing that I could think of that could happen to me. Im not sure what I would do about it. How old are you btw? Im old enough to be pretty sure that I'm not going to change my mind. I kind of like my sleep, money, freedom, and life the way it is. I'm 21. I like sleep and money too but I think that the thought of giving life seems so much more important than that. I would love spending all my money on my kiddos one day
rainfall Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I'm 21. I like sleep and money too but I think that the thought of giving life seems so much more important than that. I would love spending all my money on my kiddos one day Nope I am a little older than you, I am old enough to be positive that I will never change my mind. To me spending my life doing what I want seems way more important than having a kid that I don't want and may resent. I'd much rather spend my money on myself, my boyfriend, and my pets. 3
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Nope I am a little older than you, I am old enough to be positive that I will never change my mind. To me spending my life doing what I want seems way more important than having a kid that I don't want and may resent. I'd much rather spend my money on myself, my boyfriend, and my pets. Well to each their own. Good luck with that though. Honestly if I felt like that I think my life with probably be much less stressed lol but idk I just love kids and I want them so much
FitChick Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I'm 21. I like sleep and money too but I think that the thought of giving life seems so much more important than that. I would love spending all my money on my kiddos one day Why don't you become an egg donor? Good money. If you love kids so much, why aren't you a school teacher or a babysitter or daycare worker? You would have real kids to take care of and not fantasy kids. You'd get paid, too, unlike having your own, unless you plan to be a welfare mother. In several surveys I've read over the past thirty or so years, in the US and UK, a consistent two-thirds of parents, given the choice to have kids again knowing what they know now as parents, would NOT have kids again. What do you think they know that you don't? Get a dog. 2
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Why don't you become an egg donor? Good money. If you love kids so much, why aren't you a school teacher or a babysitter? YOu would have real kids to take care of and not fantasy kids. In several surveys I've read over the past thirty or so years, in the US and UK, a consistent two-thirds of parents, given the choice to have kids again knowing what they know now as parents, would NOT have kids again. What do you think they know that you don't? Get a dog. I don't want to give away my good viable eggs before I have even gotten the chance to use them. You are only given so many and you already waste them when it comes to periods and stuff so just freely giving them away to some random person is just no good for me. I do baby sit but my kids I baby sit are older like 5 and 7, I date guys with kids though. I thought about being a school teacher but that isn't where the money is and I like law way more than I would like being a teacher and I could make way more money. I don't know what those people know but I do know I want to be a mom and I think I would be a good one. I personally don't like animals much so I don't want a dog. I thought about getting a cute little Yorkie but idk that's not my thing lol
utterer of lies Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 I don't know what those people know but I do know I want to be a mom and I think I would be a good one. That's great. Don't let anyone tell you that's a wrong goal. I wish more girls here were like that.
Trimmer Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 (edited) I do baby sit but my kids I baby sit are older like 5 and 7... Wait, when you say you want kids, is what you're really saying that you want babies? You do know that babies grow up, and actually spend a lot more time over the age of 5 than they did under the age of 5. Look, I'm not necessarily trying to talk you out of having kids. It's just that with 15 years of experience, I'm trying to paint a more realistic picture than I think you have. A lot of the time, day-to-day, having kids is a grind. It's not 20 years of 365 days each of bliss. Sometimes it's a strain, and sometimes it just drags on. And note that this is coming from a man who loves his children with every ounce of his soul, absolutely can't imagine a world without them, and considers himself lucky beyond measure to have received and been entrusted with the gift and the responsibility for these children. I have this funny anecdote: a number of women I know seem to say having children is harder than they expected, sometimes a lot harder. And a number of men I know - even those really deeply involved in their kids' upbringing from day one - think it's actually a bit easier than they expected. My theory is that this comes from initial expectations: many women initially think that having kids is going to be instinctive, intuitive, maternal, and will just come naturally and be the most wonderful, fulfilling thing in the world. So when the reality hits and everything is not quite that easy, it's a bit of a negative surprise. On the other hand, many men think that having a baby will put a damper on 99.9% of their lives and change absolutely everything. And so when the effect is not quite that extreme, it's a bit of a positive surprise. I'm not making a big stand here, and I don't mean to start an argument about whether men don't take as much resonsibility for raising kids as women (which I admit is a viable alternative explanation to my comments above.) My point is that if you think, in your youthful exhuberance, that having kids is the be-all and the end-all of your life, that it will be easy and breezy and intuitive and simple, that it is the only really valid reason for living, and the only way to make your mark and leave your legacy, then I wish you all the very best and I truly hope it turns out like a fairy tale for you and fixes your life and all that. But at the same time, I just hope you are not streaking headlong toward a brick wall of reality somewhere down the road. I don't think I would ever hate my kids that I have one day. The only thing that will make my life suck less will be getting into a relationship and having a baby I meant that metaphorically - I don't think you'd actually hate your kids either. My point was - and still is - that with such a single-minded focus on "only a baby will fix my life," I hope you don't get a few years down the road and realize that this one and only solution you pinned all your hopes on wasn't really the solution. I hope that for you, for your marriage, and especially for your kids. Edited September 26, 2012 by Trimmer 1
FitChick Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 Interesting bit of information: Between 1970 and 2008, the leading causes of child mortality shifted. The percentage of deaths due to homicide increased from 2 to 9 percent among 1- to 4-year-olds and from 2 to 6 percent among 5- to 14-year-olds. Parents, step parents and caregivers are usually the ones killing the kids, not random strangers. Child Mortality Child Health USA 2011
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