loveunlimited Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Yeah. Click on the person's name, it brings up their profile, see where it says user lists top left, click, and you get the options.
Buck Turgidson Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 1. Do not take unfair advantage of others. 2. Don't be a dick. 6
frozensprouts Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 Don't be a dick. if we all followed that, the world would be a much happier place 2
Author ComingInHot Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Loveunlimited: THANKS! and, LOL, love your tag!!
kasami2k4 Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 He's not allowed to have any female friends anymore. I'm not allowed any male friends.
loveunlimited Posted September 24, 2012 Posted September 24, 2012 ugh. That to me would be an intolerable imposition. it speaks to me of lack of trust, control and insecurity.
Author ComingInHot Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Kasami: Is that a Rule going forward, or a principle developed to follow? Either way, I think it's a good idea. I have never had a male friend after I got married. I do have childhood friends that I keep but even them beyond arms length. It just makes it easier for me to stay as far away from that gray area before the perverbial line can be crossed. Hey, I know I'm only human so I consider that I am not above temptation. I've kind of always thought that way. And it shows my husband that I respect him and his need to feel secure w/my love of only him. ( wish he would have had those same boundaries)* If we are friends w/a married couple and trying to coordinate schedules, I have only the wife's number & him only the husband's. If I am contacted by the husband I VERY SWEETLY direct him to clear that w/my man & give him the contact information again. It works for us even better now that FWH is on bard & understands my line of thinking all along. Oh ya & last ting, this is really great w/the couples we get together w/for cards and kid time. The wife ends up greatly respecting me knowing I won't put her in an uncomfortable position w/thinking ANYTHING would happen or grow into something inappropriate & it keeps any advances or thoughts of by the married husband at bay. Healthy**
Author ComingInHot Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 LHF: I like the part of not engaging in anything that you are not fully prepared to accept the consequences!** That was my reason for not having sex in high school. Ya know, sh*$ happens and I KNEW w/out a doubt that I was not prepared emotionally to handle an unplanned pregnancy or motherhood. Higher education was a different story... I think I lean toward FS's comment about hurting others but then again I AM one of those BS's. Lol. 1
Author ComingInHot Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 Love unlimited: What would? Sorry, I lost you between comment... ( which is SO me**)
Author ComingInHot Posted September 24, 2012 Author Posted September 24, 2012 LHF: OH my gosh NO!! Condem you?!?? Do you know how much pressure that would put on me?!?? No thank you** What if (heaven forbid) I were to ever fall short in abiding by my principles...eEHhemm... and You were to know of it. No way would I want your judgment to rain down on my sorry a$$ especially after knowing I had judged you first. I get it LHF. I think a lot of people do. Just because I don't necessarily agree w/you in NO way changes how great I think you are! I mean look at you just being Here on LS regardless of what capacity. I think that takes strength of character. I respect that*
g450 Posted September 26, 2012 Posted September 26, 2012 The difficulty of having a set of principles and living by them offers no protection from those who mask the same the principles with words. I have learned the hard way that actions speak louder than words and this is my new set of principles. I've also come to realize that those with thin or exchangeable principles are attracted to those that have clear and solid principles. Cheaters want to be married to loyal people, the mother or father of their children are held at a higher standard, and yet, they will cheat risking all this. I will never again have my principles used to betray or harm me, I respect myself and demand the same in return. Awsome post Furious! I feel the same way. Principles are great but there are people who dont have them that will use the ones that do. I do still live by certain principles myself though: Treat others like they treat you or how you would want to be treated. Dont do something to someone that you would want to have done to you. Dont lie, cheat or steal. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you tell somebody your going to do something then stick by it and do it. The difference between whats right and what's wrong is pretty easy to understand. It's not rocket science. 4
Author ComingInHot Posted September 27, 2012 Author Posted September 27, 2012 Sometimes these Principles that I try to abide by, make me feel that I am caught between or prolonging taking action. Not to necessarily to end the marriage but to be willing to risk ending the marriage in order for my life, the kids lives & husband's life to be better. Anyone else feel like that?
BetrayedH Posted September 27, 2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Sometimes these Principles that I try to abide by, make me feel that I am caught between or prolonging taking action. Not to necessarily to end the marriage but to be willing to risk ending the marriage in order for my life, the kids lives & husband's life to be better. Anyone else feel like that? Other than the few that immediately walk, I think every BS feels this way, CIH. Making a choice between reconciliation or separation/divorce is not an easy one for most and many get stuck in between in some pseudo-reconciliation that they didn't really choose but that happened to them by virtue of not leaving or kicking out their WS. I think it is right to take time to make this choice. It's a doozy. If you leave, you feel like you are doing something that helps you but hurts everyone else. You shouldn't look at it that way but it's normal. And if you stay, you feel like you're compromising too much of yourself for everyone else. There seems to be no winning choice. I think the emotional abuse complicates the infidelity piece for you but really, they seem part and parcel to the overall problem. To your point though, eventually not making a choice is effectively making a choice. I think it would be healthy for you to decide that at some point in the reflection process, you are going to get decisive. Anyway, sending kind thoughts your way today. I think you're doing fine. 1
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